Funny enough, even though I struggle with the realness of my relationship with T...or more the muddiness of the professional/personal dynamics...I actually defend against him disclosing too much to me. My T is very real and discloses a lot by nature, so I know a bit about his family and his role in his church. I usually know when he takes time off what he will be doing (in general) during that time. Sometimes knowing too much makes me anxious, like I've invaded his life somehow. I think if he were the blank slate type to hold back a lot, I would probably have more curiosity, more need to know, to make him feel like a real person.
Even our latest rupture (over wanting to know how I'll be allowed to grieve if he were to pass away while we're working together) was caused by him being very transparent as to what was going on inside of him, what feelings got stirred up. I can see how it might be necessary to do that with someone like me, who learned to think any seemingly negative reaction was their fault. And I don't think that's something he does with H. But, I do know he discloses about his family to H when it relates to H's experience, and he does the same with me. And, it's almost like being in a room I'm not supposed to be in, like sneaking into a movie in a theater...which, actually, I've never done, but I imagine it would feel that way (guilt, knowing you don't belong there, wondering if you'll get caught, thinking you should leave).
I do think, though, that clients should be safe to ask whatever they want/need from their T, and the T should be able to respond appropriately/carefully, even if the answer is no. I've gotten a few nos from my T that hurt a lot, but he was very gentle with them. And I've also gotten a few responses that were just him not being prepared and responding...not ideally, like Friday. But, I think, once I get through whatever shame and terror came up, I haven't really regretted asking. At least, I'm hoping that's how I'll feel this time around.
