I have been reading through some threads and found some interesting discussions that got me thinking about something, and I was wondering if anyone else has thought about it.

I seem to be more at peace, more open, by coming to the realization that people are inherently "disappointing" and that this is OK.
Of course, I have thought about this, in the past, with undertones of anger and sadness.

There is a female T that I have seen twice (I can't afford to see her right now, but if I did, it would be once a month at most) ...that said the same thing, almost out of the blue: "People are disappointing. It's natural". I felt some grief, but I also felt lighter somehow. I have met a few people with loyalty and integrity, but much of it comes down to what was discussed in depth on the post about the word CARE. (which was a VERY interesting conversation!)

Do people really care? Do I care? How much care am I capable of? And how many people have I disappointed? How separate are we, as much as people talk about us being "ONE" entity?

Hard to explain. It sounds cliche, but I have accepted the impermanence of most things, (this is not to say that I'm not still attached to some of the most silly things) and I am starting to feel that being alone isn't so bad. I'm not feeling as lonely. I don't seek as much external acceptance. It's more of an inside job. I'm not saying that I was overly-dependent on others in the recent past, it was the opposite- I was so used to being alone and independent that it became a preference. It still is, largely, my preference.

I'm not saying that this is good or bad. I don't think that there is any right or wrong way to go about finding one's place on the continuum between attachment and detachment. But I am finding that detachment (in the good sense, the more Buddhist sense) suits me well. At least, I think it does.

If I want to be honest with myself, I'm not entirely sure that I won't ever feel the same depression I felt a few years ago, which was based on a rather large feeling of loneliness, despair, futility, and death. As in, when I stop moving/working/distracting, I fall into a "IS THIS ALL THERE IS??? WHY DO I WORK SO HARD?? Fuck this all.. I'm exhausted..." funk. I can't guarantee that this won't hit me again like a ton of bricks, particularly if I am not constantly distracting myself with my work and with sports. Of course, I'm doing all the "right" things- yoga, meditation, getting out in nature, etc.

But sometimes life is just what it is, darkness happens. And I don't want to make the same mistake I made with Ex T- who saw me as someone completely different from who I really was, lacked a fundamental respect for me as a separate person, and clearly projected onto me. But I also was seeking sort of "union". Even with clear boundaries, many people seek out this "union". I actually went into therapy to learn how to truly be alone and accept it, but instead got pulled into a big "attachment game" and now feel that it is time to focus on my original goal: to be at peace with myself, to know that the only person I can rely on is myself, but still be able to give, and know that this is NOT a pathology, but the way I choose to live.

Now here is the odd part: At times, I also desire to feel certain "bond" with a person (not necessarily a T) simply because we are able to recognize and respect each other as separate individuals, but also create a synergy based on what we both bring to the table.

Has anyone ever felt this way?

And how have you adjusted your expectations?