Adult Children of Alcoholics Forums?

spagirlMember

Hi Everybody,

This forum is so helpful, I was wondering if there is one like it for adults who are dealing with alcoholic parents?

I joined the "official" ACA one, but it doesn't seem as active as this one.

Well, things are as expected here with Mom still saying weird and poorly timed things. I'm still trying to find the perfect therapist, but getting along fine with my own wisdom. Writing does help a lot, tho.

It's a tough thing to realize that for my own health, happiness, and harmony I MUST distance myself even further from her, when what I REALLY want is a close, HEALTHY, relationship.

As I observe her, I can see how the wine is at least one of the core problems. She proceeded to get SLOSHED at my cousin's 20th birthday dinner ... and again at another dinner with just me, her and her sister. My Aunt/Her Sister told me something wise: there is no point in saying anything to her because it won't do any good. She's right. It's just wasted breath. BUT, it was good to know that she is this way with ALL the birthday's - not just MINE! LOL.

And there is more to it than that, as you know. Last night she called and got weird saying something about do I use sales receipts in my business - she was wondering because she "is just trying to HELP me" that I "don't know anything about bookkeeping", etc. - which had NOTHING to do with ANYTHING. (PS, I've managed my business for nearly 20-years, and OF COURSE I use sales receipts.) So strange. Wonder if it was the start of the Chardonnay, or something more??? Who's to know?

x.

3/30/118:07 AM

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irishroseMember

Hi Spa Girl,

While I have not searched out such a forum, I would be very interested as well.

I can relate to what you write about your mom, not only in regard to my own mother but to my sister as well. I learned not to take a ruined birthday personally. It seems that alcoholics are equal opportunity destroyers of any celebration, be it a holiday, a birthday, a graduation and, in my Irish family, even a funeral.

My mom passed away years ago (when I was 21) but now I have my sister who has taken her place with the bottle and for my sis, it's wine while my mother's choice was hard liquor. No difference though in the grief and heartache it causes us who look on and watch the destruction. I've begged and pleaded with my sis (as I did with my mother) to stop but it does no good. When it gets to a point where I cannot handle it, I have to take a step back from her and give myself a rest. I don't plead with her any more and am left to just hope and pray that she will find her way back to AA.

I used to be able to tell when talking to my sis on the phone whether she was into the bottle just by her voice and how sloshy she would sound. Unfortunately, she had a slight stroke last year so it's more difficult for me to discern if she has been drinking or not so now I have to sort of rely on the content of the conversation and if she repeats herself over and over (something she does when drunk).

It's a lot of work, not to mention painful, to deal with an alcoholic. {{{Spa Girl}}}

3/30/1110:24 AM

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spagirlMember

Hi Irish Rose,

Gosh, how those words ring true. If you read some of the posts here you will find another person who gave a detailed account of how to tell how many drinks the person had had based on the sound of their voice and choice of words. My Mom is EXACTLY the same. She very rarely doesn't drink, but even from the first glass of Chardonnay she begins to change. Three or more and she's "tipsy". Now I understand the word better because they really do wave about like they are going to tip over. I told her if I drank the way she did I would feel like crap the next day. But she just gets up, takes her shower, and gets on with the day like it's nothing.

The good thing I read in your post was that at least she found AA once. She must be a tiny bit aware of it being a problem and wasn't too stubborn to seek help. My Mom would see that as a sign of "weakness". Yep, we're part Irish, too! Add a little German for even more stubbornness and resistance.

If they only had a clue what destruction their behavior causes. But with Mom, nothing is ever her responsibility. Try to have a conversation with her and she immediately turns it back on you. She's very good at arguing like a 7-year-old!

I guess the only solution really is to separate ourselves from them and make sure our foundations are strong. It is such a sad place to be. Watching her go back into her house, after the last dinner, I just thought to myself, "How pitiful." Not a very noble way to age gracefully. Just sad.

x

3/30/1112:14 PM

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