The only other time I had this sense of adventure was when I was a child on school holidays at grandma's. Her, and her place was home base to me. It was my security as i ventured out into the real world. There was much to discover in the small country town of Albury.

At grandma's, I was given the freedom and trust to go beyond certain boundaries my parents had set for me.

I felt like an only child with my grandparents, and secretly wished they would adopt me. They gave me the responsibility to do the daily shop for them which consisted of, among other things, a mandatory double decker vanilla ice cream to eat on the way 'home.' My grandparents trust permitted me to ad lib my adventures. I could walk away from their house and do things I had never done before, like pat a real horse, and feed it some grass. That giant beast was the most exciting thing I had ever seen to a six year old me. No one else saw those moments. No one was there to tell me what to do and how to do it. There was just me, the beast, and the moments I never forgot.

With each yearly visit to grandma's my distance boundary was extended. I ventured off to the local markets where I fell across a cute wee puppy, and surprised the grandparents when I brought Iggy 'home.' I was given a certain amount of money from my parents to see me through my adventures, including visits to the local cinema where the organ was played prior to viewing movies. I stuffed myself with lollies, and ice cream on those occasions. Friends consisted of who ever was around at the time. I met a young fellah when I broke into an unlocked tennis club. He was across the road watching me in forbidden adult territory, and hurried over to join me. We didn't have to exchange too many words while playing pretend adult tennis. That short friendship and adventure reminded me of the one I had with Malcolm.

The only thing grandma insisted I didn't do was visit Miss De Able, her neighbor. One day I considered her request, then knocked on the mysterious Miss De Able's door. She was a favorite with the younger kids, and I wanted to find out why. I thought she was a bit odd being all alone in a big house. I asked her if she had any kids of her own. Only one son, she replied and he lives in Sydney now. Immediately, I sensed what she had just told me was a secret, a secret I never shared with anyone until today. Miss De Able reached over to me with the lollie tin, and offered me a handful of its contents. Well, I took a handful anyway. She began to ask deep and meaningful questions about me then like, what and who I liked the most. I froze at that minute, and avoided eye contact with her. I changed the subject then and asked her about her home grown tomatoes. I realize now Miss De Able had been my first shrink.

My yearly visits continued with grandma. I sussed out further distance boundary's to be ventured like the water towers up on the hill, and the airport that was out of my sight.

It all changed in one evening. The grandparents sat with me and their new TV. They were thoroughly entertained by the what was on it, and seemed to not notice I existed. I snuck out into the darkness of evening, and climbed my favorite tree. While I was feeling a little rejected there, I noticed a fire off in the distance, and ventured off to find out more. On the way there I had to cross a busy highway before I could stand among the spectators. The house was well lit before I arrived. During this time, I lost sense of time, and forget what time I returned to grandmas.

Your grandfather has been looking everywhere for you Muff. Miss De Able was looking as angry as grandma. No one asked me where I had been which confused me. And no one asked me why I had a half a smile on my face.

I had given up grandma's trust on that adventure, and never regained it.