Hi Saand.

Am I right in guessing that your partner is currently in the psych ward? That he distanced himself for 5 weeks and then went into hospital? If that’s the case it might help you to know that when I went into psych ward (voluntarily) I didn’t want to see ANYONE - I just wanted to get everything sorted and involvement by people in real world was just going to get in the way. Ok it’s not the same as not wanting to see someone you love and are really close to, but it may be that something similar is happening with him, that he just needs the time totally away from everyone and everything that is familiar to him and reminds him of his painful life. It’s really no reflection on you at all though of course it’s bloody hard for you. Has he explained at all WHY he didn’t want contact with you? I’m sorry I’m trying to read between the lines here so I hope what I’m saying isn’t upsetting you.

You know maybe you could post here about how it all makes you feel - you don’t have to be in therapy to use this forum (I should hope not anyway because currently I am not in therapy!)

Hope you are hanging in there Saand.

LL

Thank you Lamplighter - no you didn't upset me. You have to kind of read between the lines. He did allow a couple friends to visit. He was there 8 days and discharged. He still can't see me. I know he is being genuine. There seem to be so many different reactions to abandonment. Some folks cling too tight to their mate from fear. My partner has a fear of attaching. A trauma in his childhood taught him that emotional closeness = vulnerable = panic and then his choice is to flee (flight or fight). He is currently still "recovering" from it, for an indefinite period of time, and can't handle seeing me until it's over. So here I am going thru my own abandonment emotional upheaval feeling like he broke up with me when I know he didn't, he wants me to wait, and start over again, but I can't take it. It will prolly be another month. I wrote him a letter since that is the only choice left to communicate with and tried to convey my depth of understanding, and yet for a relationship to exist there has to be communication. That I need a short weekly phone call. I have to wait and see. I don't want to be pushy or increase his anxiety.
I was wondering if anybody else feels like my partner does and could help me understand. What would you want your partner to do if you were in his shoes? Saand