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Hi BLT-
did it say somewhere in my post that I was wondering if there was something magical that can be done?
I dont think I am looking for anything magical. Tolerable would be nice.

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i could be wrong but i dont think what im looking for is magical. ive had male T's who did not arouse this rage within me. it feels belittling to hear you say im looking for something magical.

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i feel badly about myself around her. around many women for that matter. my nervous system just collapses whenever sensitive material is brought up.

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There are two particular and related types of EPs that should receive special focus in Phase 1: aggressive and persecutory ones. Both are fix- ated in the protective “fight” defensive subsystem, and attempt to man- age the difficult emotions of rage and anger related to feelings of loss, helplessness, despair, hurt, terror, or shame (Van der Hart et al., 1998). These EPs must be addressed early in therapy to provide adequate stabi- lization and to prepare for Phase 2 work. Often they are first indirectly addressed through the ANP who is in executive control. As it becomes more safe for the patient, these EPs may be addressed more directly (Van der Hart et al., 1998).
Such EPs are part of the emotional fight defensive subsystem, but have strong belief systems that serve as psychological defenses, such as the be- lief that one’s self is strong, unhurt, and capable of carrying out over- whelming actions of rage and revenge. Aggressive EPs often experience, or at least present, their identity as strong and capable of protecting and fighting. Persecutory EPs tend to experience and present themselves as the original perpetrators engaged in the original traumatic actions.
Persecutory EPs, like their actual perpetrators, do not have regulatory skills to manage anger and rage, or the pain, shame, needs, and fear that underlie much of their hostility. They often desperately fight for con- trol, attempting to silence fearful EPs, but doing so in ways that are imi- tations of the real perpetrator’s actions and words that only heighten the fears of the other parts. Thus, a vicious cycle of fear and rage/internal punishment develops. Therefore, these parts must learn alternative ways to acting out rage and to cope with intense feelings.
In early treatment both types of EPs are usually quite active, creating instability for the patient and within treatment. The aggressive ones may make active contact with the therapist in direct verbal engagement re- garding lack of trust and the shortcomings of the therapist. The per- secutory ones may remain internal as hidden but terrifying, hostile and
Steele, van der Hart, and Nijenhuis 35
demeaning inner voices, often threatening the patient “not to tell” of the traumatizing events, or causing the patient to reexperience these events such that she becomes overwhelmed and avoidant of therapy.
Much work is needed to expand aggressive and persecutory EPs’ re- tracted field of consciousness beyond defense tactics. The therapist must constantly explain the protective functions of aggressive parts of the personality to other parts in order to foster cooperation and empathy. The therapist must strive for direct, respectful, and empathic contact with the EP, paired with good limit setting on aggressive behaviors, postponement of destructive behaviors, and skills building (cf., Van der Hart et al., 1998).

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I also noticed when I am able to take things in, feel humiliated by her interpretations.

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she said she thinks that this feeling of her not helpful is not really about her being sleepy its about something else. I feel its hard to feel connected to her and hard to take in what she says.