Hi all-

I'm not sure if I'm being too sensitive, if my T is triggering my young, needy part, or both? I'd love any opinions..

So I've been talking a bit about thinking that I was emotionally neglected in childhood. I talked to my T about that article from Pete Walker that has been posted here a few times. I just briefly mentioned it and that I could relate to what was written about the effects of emotional neglect. She was very supportive in that session, saying that she did think I was emotionally neglected. But we really didn't talk in depth about it. So the next session, I brought up an author/psychologist that TN had directed me to. I am finding her work (Jasmin Cori) very useful in helping me understand my experiences of having an emotionally unavailable mother. Again, we touched on this topic but then moved on to some other things. So, that is the background.

Last session, I spoke more about my mother. About her own childhood (alcoholic father, poor family, depressed mother, etc) and her present life. My T asked me if I thought my mother is still depressed. I'm not really sure. She says she's not but she also says she doesn't want to go to therapy because she doesn't want to drudge up all that pain. I think she chooses just to move on and not look back. I deal with things very differently. This is why I think it's been so hard for me - my parents don't really deal/process things and I NEED to process (almost to death) the stuff with my brother in my childhood.

Anyway, this week, I mentioned talking about my mom, how maybe I painted a more negative view than reality. While I think my mom has been through a lot, she is mostly happy now. She tells me she enjoys her life, despite its challenges. So, I told my T this. And she said something like, well, your parents have done something right, right? They support you... and a few other stuff..I'm not really sure. So I just said, yeah, they obviously did a lot well. They have made it possible for me to follow my dreams and go to school, etc, etc. Then we just moved on.

I'm just feeling hurt I guess. Like, I bring up the emotional neglect and emotionally unavailable mother topics...and they just seem to fall flat. My T has been an excellent T. She never judges me and is very consistent. I know we've talked about these topics without giving them a name...how no one was there to help me cope with and integrate my childhood experiences, etc. Maybe my T thinks we've already established that. It's just that, I think my young, needy part is feeling dismissed and hurt. I feel like I need the labels to help me organize my experiences and accept them. I already struggle with minimizing my stuff...so I feel very vulnerable even saying the term "emotional neglect." So when my T doesn't seem to go into it more, it just makes me feel stupid. Or it makes my young part feel stupid and unheard? I don't know. Perhaps I'm being overly sensitive. She did, after all, say yes, she thinks I was emotionally neglected in that previous session. I don't know why I need it said over and over. I need verbal validation - which totally makes me feel ashamed for this need! I just feel like if I have to spell it out to my T, it won't mean that much, ya know? I do think I need to be more direct in telling her all of this. I just feel bad because she has been validating, just I guess, not in the EXACT way I need to hear it (but, how pushy is that if I have to tell her exactly what I need to hear??). That's not how therapy is supposed to work..I don't think I get to tell her what to say to me. I want it to be genuine, ya know?

Thanks for reading my mush.