That's not the work, Liese. The work you are doing- and it *is* work- very, hard work- is to let go of your need to feel helpless and taken care of and maybe even victimized by T, and instead, ask him for what you need. I am in it myself, so it is not a judgement, and you are not to blame for the desire to be taken care of, and the strong desire to *not* get rid of that tendency. I am in it too.
If you will allow your inner child to reach out for her needs, and ask simply and without guile for them to be filled, -the need in this case for appointments with T- then you *will* become more in touch with yourself. And you will feel good. And you will feel close to T, and respected by him, too. And that is the road towards healing. Of course, all of this is dependent on having a T, no doubt imperfect at times- but who understands this. I pray that yours does.
quote:And we resent our Ts for putting us in a position where we are being asked to forget what we've been taught, and instead take a leap of faith with them. It gives them so much power to completely fuck us over. And that, in turn, makes them something to fear with an intensity unmatched by any life experience.
LG... You know in my last T relationship I thought I had to take that leap of faith to trust in him and trust our relationship but I was wrong... it was the wrong thing to do. My new T agrees with me. You don't just jump ... or take the leap of faith in therapy ... the T has to EARN your trust by his behavior. That would include being ethical, holding boundaries, being CONSISTENT, respectful, dependable and knowledgeable. Only then should you trust him/her.
Liese everyone's length of grief is different. The work is sitting there and talking about the past... how it felt to you when your Dad wouldn't take you to the zoo and went to work instead, when your mother ignored you when you fell and got hurt and brushed you away from her, how it felt when your sibling got the attention you wanted, when your dad was never home, when you realized your parents had no freaking clue who you were or what you needed (I'm not saying this is true for you but we all have stuff like this that hurt us)... and how it felt to be abused, either physically, sexually or emotionally. We have to talk about it and be heard by our T and they have to BE with us in our pain so that THIS time we are not dealing with the mess alone like we did in the past. That someone is there with us and FOR us. It takes time, strength, and courage to do this work. It's really hard. But in time those horrible things will be looked at, grieved and put in a new place in your memory having been processed and now integrated.
The inner child in most cases is who holds all the hurt and pain that is why we need to pay attention to her and work in therapy to integrate her with adult us.
I did a fair amount of grief work with my oldT and it was helping me until he decided it would be a good idea to traumatize me by abandoning me and now my T has to unravel all that grief before I can move on. But... he is doing it. Slowly but surely. We are doing it together and building a new strong relationship where I can be safe to explore my past and to believe him when he tells me things. He is very willing to walk with me to those really scary painful places. It's what he wants and why he does this work. I believe him so it makes my work a bit easier.
Sorry if this is rambling. The answer is that the mourning process is different for all of us as the abuse and trauma is different.
At least we can come here to find understanding and support while we are going through the process.
Hang in there
TN
BB, TN and everyone else,
Just wanted to thank you all for letting me hash this out with you and for all your support. I feel a little less intense emotionally, as if I'm accepting emotionally the limits of my relationship with T, as hard as it is and even though i thought I accepted it. Maybe it was only on an intellectual level. BB you were probably right that in having these feelings that he was manipulating me, it felt like he was caring about me and filling one of those unmet needs, right? But if I step back and just look at it all from a very impartial perspective and he's just a T doing his job and I'm just a person trying to feel cared about in some kind of strange and odd way.
Just wanted to thank you all for letting me hash this out with you and for all your support. I feel a little less intense emotionally, as if I'm accepting emotionally the limits of my relationship with T, as hard as it is and even though i thought I accepted it. Maybe it was only on an intellectual level. BB you were probably right that in having these feelings that he was manipulating me, it felt like he was caring about me and filling one of those unmet needs, right? But if I step back and just look at it all from a very impartial perspective and he's just a T doing his job and I'm just a person trying to feel cared about in some kind of strange and odd way.
quote:Originally posted by Liese:
Why can't I just ask for what I need? Is it really that hard? Yes, it is hard. Feel exposed, vulnerable, naked.
Liese - that is so much like how I feel, even asking for the "smallest" things! I am very encouraged by you. I think you are right, your T is a T just trying to do his job. I also think you are seeking healing and caring in a way that is probably pretty common, with uncommon courage. You are doing amazingly tough work. I am impressed.
Janedoe,
Thank you. That means a lot to me to hear that.
Liese
Thank you. That means a lot to me to hear that.
Liese
Just wanted to throw this out there. I don't think I'm being honest with everyone. I think I have fallen for him big time on an emotional level. I've tried so hard to control my emotions but think I have failed miserably. I have not been fantasizing about having a relationship with him as I think I keep the fantasies in check. The emotions are another story. Why else would I spend all this time waiting for an appointment? Why haven't I been functioning for 4 months? Trying to connect with him in some pathetic way? Why has therapy taken over my life? When will it all end? When will I have balance in my life?
What am I supposed to do now??? Go in and say, yeah you were right, I have fallen for you big time? See ya later, better go find another therapist??? How could I possibly continue to work with him after this?
What am I supposed to do now??? Go in and say, yeah you were right, I have fallen for you big time? See ya later, better go find another therapist??? How could I possibly continue to work with him after this?
What you are describing is true of probably half the people who regularly post on this forum...
I obsess about therapy constantly. I would want to see/talk to T every day if I could. I obsess over hearing back from him. Emotionally, he makes me feel safe and I want to be close to him. Does that mean I'm attracted to him as a partner? No. Does it mean I realistically expect that me going to therapy will turn into a long-term relationship where he acts as my adopted father? No, although I'm sure a part of me wishes for that.
You're just attached, I think. And that's OK. Normal. Even par for the course, from what I am hearing on this forum.
I obsess about therapy constantly. I would want to see/talk to T every day if I could. I obsess over hearing back from him. Emotionally, he makes me feel safe and I want to be close to him. Does that mean I'm attracted to him as a partner? No. Does it mean I realistically expect that me going to therapy will turn into a long-term relationship where he acts as my adopted father? No, although I'm sure a part of me wishes for that.
You're just attached, I think. And that's OK. Normal. Even par for the course, from what I am hearing on this forum.
So what next, Yaku??? How do I get my life back?
Hrm...I'm still working on this one. Being fully honest with T about how it is making me feel has helped in at least that I am feeling less disgusted and ashamed for having all these feelings of longing for him to parent me. Because he didn't react with dismay or disgust, but just took it in stride, I am slowly learning to be less freaked out about it...but his acceptance kind of heightened my need for him, rather than making it go away. It is slightly less scary having it out in the open though. Also, it has made it easier for me to write things to him like, "I'm projecting that you are giving me a Tuesday appointment, because putting up with me on Monday nights is so exhausting that you struggle with being there for your clients the next day." And then he can correct my incorrect beliefs with truth or ask me questions to get at why I might be thinking or feeling such a thing. It's progress of a sort, but I don't think you should expect to escape these feelings or make them go away. It seems they are part of the healing process.
Yaku,
You impress me so much with how hard you work and how good you are at recognizing your own projections. I could be really thick but I'm hoping it's just harder the older you get to recognize your own projections, especially if you were never taught how to do it. Maybe that's why you guys don't always know how to respond to me because I am so certain of what I see and feel in order to avoid my feelings.
Well, I'm sure it won't be news to T when I tell him I'm in over my head.
You impress me so much with how hard you work and how good you are at recognizing your own projections. I could be really thick but I'm hoping it's just harder the older you get to recognize your own projections, especially if you were never taught how to do it. Maybe that's why you guys don't always know how to respond to me because I am so certain of what I see and feel in order to avoid my feelings.
Well, I'm sure it won't be news to T when I tell him I'm in over my head.
For me, Liese, the feelings have become less-all consuming the more I have managed to open up about them. It doesn't take the feelings away, but it tends to make the thoughts less obsessive feeling. I have also noticed that I do not feel as dependent on T, the stronger I get. I can get a little stopped up here, because I *want* to depend on him, and that would entail not growing. I've handled this problem by telling him that I just need a long term stable therapy, and he seems to be ok with that. It makes me less panicy about progressing. If I know that even if I am progressing, and needing T less, I can still see him- I am less likely to sabotage my own progress. If that makes sense! Then, should I decide to cut down or stop sessions at some point, it will because *I* want to, rather than feeling like *I have to.* I think getting your life back is a slow process this way. But slow wins the race. That why I disagreed with my therapist on the issue of long term therapy from the start.
Transparency *really* helps. Just saying what you think, and what you feel, in the moment. Questions like: "what did you mean by that?" And: I feel...(confused, worried that you don't, scared, annoyed...") and in being transparent- you also get some nice emotional perks, if you have a good T, who understand what you need- you'll feel really much more ok with yourself.
hugs, Liese- you are doing good work. Keep on, by gum, keep on!
BB
Transparency *really* helps. Just saying what you think, and what you feel, in the moment. Questions like: "what did you mean by that?" And: I feel...(confused, worried that you don't, scared, annoyed...") and in being transparent- you also get some nice emotional perks, if you have a good T, who understand what you need- you'll feel really much more ok with yourself.
hugs, Liese- you are doing good work. Keep on, by gum, keep on!
BB
Liese,
I think you are exactly where you need to be. I don't know if it's an age issue. T seems really intrigued by my way of processing myself. I am VERY connected to who I am and my motivations for things now. But, I am woefully disconnected to my childhood...and that is where I can't make heads or tails of ANYTHING and have so many nonsensical beliefs. I think it's normal to have periods in your life like that. Mine just happens to be located in my 5-20 year old stage...
I think you are exactly where you need to be. I don't know if it's an age issue. T seems really intrigued by my way of processing myself. I am VERY connected to who I am and my motivations for things now. But, I am woefully disconnected to my childhood...and that is where I can't make heads or tails of ANYTHING and have so many nonsensical beliefs. I think it's normal to have periods in your life like that. Mine just happens to be located in my 5-20 year old stage...
quote:How could I possibly continue to work with him after this?
Liese I think the question is ... CAN he work with you? Not that there is something wrong with feeling like this, nor did you do anything wrong. But... is your T up to working with a patient with positive transference and attachment to him? Is he experienced in this kind of work which is primarily done psychodynamically. I'm not sure that UV realizes that your T is a CBT guy and does not seem to have a good grasp on the nurturing you seek through the attachment relationship.
Attachment can generate REALLY strong, life and death kinds of emotions and if a T is not equipped and experienced to handle this they can really botch it up and hurt you. What happened to you developmentally in the past is affecting your present day relationships and your way of relating to others and this is what needs to be explored and understood. You basically have to go back and re-do some of the developmental stages you missed or that went awry while you were growing up. If your T can do this with you ... eventually things will fall into place and you will gradually need him less, the feelings will become less intense and you will leave home for college as an older teen would do.
Obviously none of this happens overnight.
You need to have a really open and honest conversation with your T about what you need and why.
Hang in there,
TN
BB, Yaku, UV and Tn,
As always, I appreciate all your input. My emotions get so intense sometimes that I can't handle them. My T recently brought up powerlessness and how powerless I feel in the relationship. We did not talk about it much. He told me that he wanted me to see myself as an equal and ultimately with more power, the power to leave.
I will talk to him on Monday on how out of control I feel and what we can do to help minimize those feelings.
Why am I like this? Why can't I tolerate powerlessness? I guess that's kind of a silly question. Who would want to tolerate powerlessness?
As always, I appreciate all your input. My emotions get so intense sometimes that I can't handle them. My T recently brought up powerlessness and how powerless I feel in the relationship. We did not talk about it much. He told me that he wanted me to see myself as an equal and ultimately with more power, the power to leave.
I will talk to him on Monday on how out of control I feel and what we can do to help minimize those feelings.
Why am I like this? Why can't I tolerate powerlessness? I guess that's kind of a silly question. Who would want to tolerate powerlessness?
Hi Liese... did you ever talk to your T about the attachment issues and how out of control you feel about things. Did he explain the appointment situation about the 12:45?
I'm hoping he was able to give you your second appointment this week and hope that you made some progress in what you are worrying about.
Was thinking about you today. I had my session with T and it went well and I think I learned some new stuff. I may post about it later when I can think clearly.
Hug
TN
I'm hoping he was able to give you your second appointment this week and hope that you made some progress in what you are worrying about.
Was thinking about you today. I had my session with T and it went well and I think I learned some new stuff. I may post about it later when I can think clearly.
Hug
TN
TN,
Thank you for asking. I would love to hear about how things are going with your T, when you are ready to share.
Things went well today. I was really nervous because I felt so humiliated for taking the 4:30 slot when I really couldn't do it. We talked about how hard it would be for me to get there at 4:30 and all the juggling I'd have to do and how stressful it would make it. T asked me if I remember the conversation we had about it and I said no. He said he did and that he offered me the slot but also said he knows it's a hard time for me and that we could start with that and try to work something else out. I didn't remember the "i know it's a hard time for you" part of the conversation.
Anyway, about the 12:45 he also explained that yes he did move his lunch around but it was to give me the earliest possible appointment and that he cannot possibly give up his lunch, he has to eat.
He's looking on moving things around for me to give me a permanent weekly. He said he'd be happy to try to get me something.
I told him how intense my emotions get and that I have trouble handling them. I talked to him about how addicted I am to him and that it hurts when I leave him. I told him that I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall because I know he's something I can never have. He said that he hoped that the good that I am getting from the relationship is outweighing the headbanging.
He was very tender with me and I don't know if I've ever experienced anything like that before in my life. The feelings were overwhelming and powerful. He told me that we will get me securely attached to him. I guess UV is right that I'm still not securely attached to him.
That's all I can remember for now. The overwhelming feeling for me was his tenderness. It was amazing.
I didn't talk to him about what his secretary said about all the open appointments, even the 2:15. And, of course, I am suspicious that he's asking his 1:30 or his 3:00, say to switch to 2:15 because how could he possibly offer me the 2:15 after all this time if it has been open and if he didn't offer it to me before.
Thank you for asking. I would love to hear about how things are going with your T, when you are ready to share.
Things went well today. I was really nervous because I felt so humiliated for taking the 4:30 slot when I really couldn't do it. We talked about how hard it would be for me to get there at 4:30 and all the juggling I'd have to do and how stressful it would make it. T asked me if I remember the conversation we had about it and I said no. He said he did and that he offered me the slot but also said he knows it's a hard time for me and that we could start with that and try to work something else out. I didn't remember the "i know it's a hard time for you" part of the conversation.
Anyway, about the 12:45 he also explained that yes he did move his lunch around but it was to give me the earliest possible appointment and that he cannot possibly give up his lunch, he has to eat.
He's looking on moving things around for me to give me a permanent weekly. He said he'd be happy to try to get me something.
I told him how intense my emotions get and that I have trouble handling them. I talked to him about how addicted I am to him and that it hurts when I leave him. I told him that I feel like I'm banging my head against the wall because I know he's something I can never have. He said that he hoped that the good that I am getting from the relationship is outweighing the headbanging.
He was very tender with me and I don't know if I've ever experienced anything like that before in my life. The feelings were overwhelming and powerful. He told me that we will get me securely attached to him. I guess UV is right that I'm still not securely attached to him.
That's all I can remember for now. The overwhelming feeling for me was his tenderness. It was amazing.
I didn't talk to him about what his secretary said about all the open appointments, even the 2:15. And, of course, I am suspicious that he's asking his 1:30 or his 3:00, say to switch to 2:15 because how could he possibly offer me the 2:15 after all this time if it has been open and if he didn't offer it to me before.
I'm glad the session went well and he was so accepting. I know the projections won't stop right away even with it out in the open (at least they haven't for me), but I hope it will get easier as things progress. ((((Liese))))
Oh how simply wonderful Liese!!! 
You broight up a lot of really important core stuff - and that alone is so cool. I'm so glad he responded so well too! I'm so glad he was so tender. yay!
You broight up a lot of really important core stuff - and that alone is so cool. I'm so glad he responded so well too! I'm so glad he was so tender. yay!
Yaku and Janedoe,
Thanks for the support. Jane, just wondering what you mean by core stuff???
Thanks for the support. Jane, just wondering what you mean by core stuff???
Liese I'm glad you came away from your session feeling good. I have to confess that I am confused about the whole appointment time thing. Are you saying that you don't have a standing appointment on Monday either? And he gives you the 4:30 even though you told him it's hard but he still has the 12:45 or the 2:15 open? Why can't you take one of those times? Sorry but I'm really confused about this. I do understand that he "moved" his lunch, he didn't give it up completely and that makes sense.
So your T thinks you are insecurely attached to him? Did he mention how he was going to get you securely attached? I'm intersted in this aspect because it's such an important part of my therapy and I have read so much about attachment that I'm always curious about how it's done. Right now it seems that it's a combination of things that are working for me.
I'm glad you came away with some powerful feelings about the session. I hope they hold you over until your next session. Hang in there......
TN
So your T thinks you are insecurely attached to him? Did he mention how he was going to get you securely attached? I'm intersted in this aspect because it's such an important part of my therapy and I have read so much about attachment that I'm always curious about how it's done. Right now it seems that it's a combination of things that are working for me.
I'm glad you came away with some powerful feelings about the session. I hope they hold you over until your next session. Hang in there......
TN
TN,
The appointment times are confusing. I started out on Mondays at 12 noon weekly. Then I went every other week at 12 noon. Then my son started to see him on my off Mondays at 3:45. When I started to go weekly again, I was going every other Monday at 12 noon and then every other Monday at 3:45.
My son is having a great year this year, thank God, and for the first time in his school career, got grade level marks for his behavior. And, so we decided that my son didn't need to go anymore, at least for now.
So, then I just asked my T last week if the 12 noon spot on every other Monday opened up again, could I have it. He told me that the woman who has it now is pretty steady and he doesn't anticipate that it will open up BUT he had 11:15 on every other Monday open. However, it was open on the same day that I had my 12 noon. So he was able to push forward a week the guy who had it on the off weeks so he was able to coordinate it with my schedule. I had my first 11:15 today.
That's the Monday situation. Okay, all the other stuff re: the 2:15 and the 4:30 and the 12:45 all had to do with the Thursday situation because it was only recently that I asked for a permanent appointment. I don't know why but he didn't make it easy for me to ask for it and I really had to work through all my emotions to get here. I'm guessing it has to do with working through some more transference. He's a bad-ass T, like BB's. LOL!!!
TN, getting securely attached is difficult for me. I'm pretty old now and I was very unaware of my patterns. My emotions are intense, as you know, and I've spent a lot of time avoiding them. So, I think for me, getting securely attached means working through a lot of transference in order to develop a genuine relationship with T, right???
He's working on the Thursday slot. He said he had to move some people around. I told him that he didn't have to but he said it wouldn't be a problem, that some people don't mind moving around. The god's honest truth is that it all made me FEEL important to him, which really felt nice. I don't think I felt very important to my FOO. A sense of being important to your FOO is VITAL if you are going to have the confidence to go out into the world and FEEL as though you count and your opinion makes a difference. I do think he gave me very something very IMPORTANT today. It was really nice.
And, then, on top of it, I thanked my H for giving me this time to sort out my mental health issues, that I really appreciated it. I told him how important therapy was for me and how much it was helping. He told me that I deserve it but that if I wind up leaving him, he'll be pretty pissed off and then he kind of laughed. I guess letting me go for a while is the risk he's going to have to take if he really wants to keep me, like letting the butterfly go. I'm so glad he's recognizing that he has to let me go so I can find myself. So, the day had a double bonus. Anytime my H and I can have an honest conversation about our relationship, it's a good day.
What is going on with you and your T????
The appointment times are confusing. I started out on Mondays at 12 noon weekly. Then I went every other week at 12 noon. Then my son started to see him on my off Mondays at 3:45. When I started to go weekly again, I was going every other Monday at 12 noon and then every other Monday at 3:45.
My son is having a great year this year, thank God, and for the first time in his school career, got grade level marks for his behavior. And, so we decided that my son didn't need to go anymore, at least for now.
So, then I just asked my T last week if the 12 noon spot on every other Monday opened up again, could I have it. He told me that the woman who has it now is pretty steady and he doesn't anticipate that it will open up BUT he had 11:15 on every other Monday open. However, it was open on the same day that I had my 12 noon. So he was able to push forward a week the guy who had it on the off weeks so he was able to coordinate it with my schedule. I had my first 11:15 today.
That's the Monday situation. Okay, all the other stuff re: the 2:15 and the 4:30 and the 12:45 all had to do with the Thursday situation because it was only recently that I asked for a permanent appointment. I don't know why but he didn't make it easy for me to ask for it and I really had to work through all my emotions to get here. I'm guessing it has to do with working through some more transference. He's a bad-ass T, like BB's. LOL!!!
TN, getting securely attached is difficult for me. I'm pretty old now and I was very unaware of my patterns. My emotions are intense, as you know, and I've spent a lot of time avoiding them. So, I think for me, getting securely attached means working through a lot of transference in order to develop a genuine relationship with T, right???
He's working on the Thursday slot. He said he had to move some people around. I told him that he didn't have to but he said it wouldn't be a problem, that some people don't mind moving around. The god's honest truth is that it all made me FEEL important to him, which really felt nice. I don't think I felt very important to my FOO. A sense of being important to your FOO is VITAL if you are going to have the confidence to go out into the world and FEEL as though you count and your opinion makes a difference. I do think he gave me very something very IMPORTANT today. It was really nice.
And, then, on top of it, I thanked my H for giving me this time to sort out my mental health issues, that I really appreciated it. I told him how important therapy was for me and how much it was helping. He told me that I deserve it but that if I wind up leaving him, he'll be pretty pissed off and then he kind of laughed. I guess letting me go for a while is the risk he's going to have to take if he really wants to keep me, like letting the butterfly go. I'm so glad he's recognizing that he has to let me go so I can find myself. So, the day had a double bonus. Anytime my H and I can have an honest conversation about our relationship, it's a good day.
What is going on with you and your T????
Liese,
I'm glad that you had a good session with your T and got the Monday situation hammered out. I hope the Thurs situation gets settled soon as well.
I understand what you mean about the secure attachment. It sounds like you are on your way to that place! Great conversation with your H too. I'm happy that you two were able to talk like that and he is giving you the space you need to heal. That is great!
I'm glad that you had a good session with your T and got the Monday situation hammered out. I hope the Thurs situation gets settled soon as well.
I understand what you mean about the secure attachment. It sounds like you are on your way to that place! Great conversation with your H too. I'm happy that you two were able to talk like that and he is giving you the space you need to heal. That is great!
Oh yeah, STRM, I hope we get the Thursday situation sorted out soon too. I did it again to myself. He asked me if I wanted to take a walk out to his front desk to see what he could find and I said no because I didn't want to deal with his secretary. I feel so vulnerable sometimes out there at that desk, especially after an emotional session and especially after the way I feel so vulnerable with her, like she knows all my issues. So, I told him no and to call me. Now I am in this f**king position of having to wait again for a phone call but I am determined not to do this to myself again this week. Well, it's still only Tuesday, right? They always call my cell. I don't have to check my cell till around 4 p.m when my daughter checks in to tell me what time to pick her up. So, I'm going to swear off my cell except for the times when I have to communicate with my kids.
I also came down with a really bad cold today so the good news is all I want to do is sleep and maybe that'll a) take my mind off of things and b) there will be a message when I wake up?
Thanks for asking STRM.
I also came down with a really bad cold today so the good news is all I want to do is sleep and maybe that'll a) take my mind off of things and b) there will be a message when I wake up?
Thanks for asking STRM.
So there was no message when I got up. I decided I couldn't do this to myself. He and I talked and agreed to give me a spot. He would have given me one yesterday as I left but couldn't handle being near his secretary while I was still triggered.
Anyway, so I decided to call tonight and say, hello, yes??? If you were going to offer someting to me yesterday, why isn't anyone calling me with an appointment? I spoke to the night secretary who called me back and offered me the 2:15 for Thursday. I feel my anger rising and I push it back down. I guess he could say he was saving it for emergencies but decided to give it to me. That bad-ass T makes me jump through hoops.
Anyway, so I decided to call tonight and say, hello, yes??? If you were going to offer someting to me yesterday, why isn't anyone calling me with an appointment? I spoke to the night secretary who called me back and offered me the 2:15 for Thursday. I feel my anger rising and I push it back down. I guess he could say he was saving it for emergencies but decided to give it to me. That bad-ass T makes me jump through hoops.
oh and btw, I did not speak to his secretary like that. I just asked her if he had anything for me but I was thinking those snotty thoughts.
Liese, I'm so glad that you were able to experience your T's care for you. That seems really good. I can see that it didn't last long, however, as one who feels better for about 5 minutes after a session before the bad thoughts come crowding back in, I have to congratulate you- you have that session, and that good experience, of your T making you important, and that is vital, and nothing can take it away.
Now- get on that phone, girl and *ask* for what you want! That bad-ass T ain't gonna come runnin' to you, girl! they need reminders...But it doesn't mean he doesn't care that he needs your reminder. It really, really doesn't.
hugs- cheering you on!
BB
Now- get on that phone, girl and *ask* for what you want!
That bad-ass T ain't gonna come runnin' to you, girl! they need reminders...But it doesn't mean he doesn't care that he needs your reminder. It really, really doesn't.hugs- cheering you on!
BB