((((Kmay))))

On the one hand, I want you to do what you need to do, and if you feel going back to her isn't right for you, then that's that.

But... if you go back and face that humiliation, you can hopefully see that it's not warranted. If you don't go back to her, you're going to remain convinced that your reaction is completely irrational, when it's honestly not given everything you've gone through.

People will always let us down in some way or another - it's whether we can separate those who have good intentions from those who don't...that's how we find the people we trust. You'll never know what category new T falls in if you don't give her a chance.

That being said, I know how impossibly hard this is, and I respect whatever decision you make.

kmay, I agree with Kashley.

I understand why you feel humiliated about having reacted so strongly to the cancellation, but really it's very understandable. You were going through a very difficult separation from your former T already, and did something very hard and vulnerable by reaching out and trying to connect to your new T, and then she cancelled on you when you needed her. Of course that's going to feel really bad.

If you go back, you can work through the humiliating feelings, and also your hurt feelings about the cancellation, and those will be really helpful to you. I would really encourage you to do that for yourself.

(((kmay)))

I'm a runner, too. I mean I've backed away from T for a least a little while after things like this, to give the intensity of the feelings a chance to subside so I can come back with some sense of dignity in place. Maybe not the most effective way to do therapy, lol, but I can really, really understand that need for space.

Take care of yourself, whatever you do. No judgements here.

Kashley, BLT, HIC,

Thank you friends. I still have my standing appointment on Tuesdays. I do feel a little bit better about possibly facing her on Tuesday now that some time has passed.
I am still in the middle of my meds ween. I am not making the healthiest choices on dealing with my emotions and depression right now. Seeing her, I know, would be in my best interest. We will see how I feel I guess when Tuesday gets closer....
Thanks again for your kind words and support.

(((Kmay)))

I'm cheering for you and really hope you can go see her. She seems solid, and I get the sense you can navigate this with her.

I usually have one foot out the door and am ready to flee all the time, but I know that it's the right thing when I sit back down with T and try to work through it.

Hang in there.

(((KMAY)))

So are you going?

There is no need to feel humiliated, T's understand.
2 weeks ago when my T cancelled through sickness, I was so upset and angry. I saw my back up T instead and cried most of the time. When I saw T last week I was still upset with her and cried again! We spent the whole session talking about it and how I would be waiting to cancel before every session now until she gives birth in July. I was so miserable and sulky with her.
She listened, said she understood and gave me a big hug. I left predicting months of depression and anxiety, but when I got home I felt better already. When I saw T this week we laughed together about me having had a good week after all!
She said i am going to therapy weekly because I need to and therefore it is quite understanable to have all sorts of strong reaction when an appointment is cancelled.
Talk to her about it!

Cat,
Thank you for sharing that with me. I know that going and talking about it is what I need to do. I think b/c I have only been seeing her for a short time and b/c she actually has boundaries that are helpful, I am confused about how to navigate this relationship. With old T, had this happened, it would have been very different. She would have told me exactly why she was cancelling and then we probably would have talked about it over the phone tha that very night. I don't really know if that would have been a better or worse way of handling the situation, but it was just what I was used to for a long time. I'm not used to having to hold my feelings in and actually process them on my own before I see T again lol. Well, let me correct myself. The way new T does it, is definately the better way and the right way, but not the easier way for me.

Also, I am very confused about why I reacted the way I did and so I am not even sure how to explain it to her if and when I do see her again.

I am still convinced that she will be dissapointed to see me and that it was all part of her plan to hope that I didn't return after she cancelled

Liese,
I haven't decided yet Appointment is on Tuesday. I had a dream the other night that I showed up for my appointment (which took all the courage in the world) and she had filled my time slot with someone else.

Starlight,
Thank you so much for sharing. It does help to know that others go through the same thing. I know that talking to her is the best thing for me. I just need to drag myself there. Tuesday is just around the corner. I do hope I can get myelf there.


Thanks for your support friends.

(((Outsider))) -

I'm sorry I missed your comment on the first batch. Thank you for sharing. I'm trying hard to get myself there on Tuesday b/c I know it's in my best interest.

((((KMAY)))

quote:

I am still convinced that she will be dissapointed to see me and that it was all part of her plan to hope that I didn't return after she cancelled

I understand. It took a long time and a lot of work by T to get to me believe he didn't have a grand plan to get me to stop seeing him. If you are able to go and to talk about it, it could be helpful because she might be more sensitive to how you feel and think more carefully before she cancels?

Something light hearted to add. I just saw this on my daughter's facebook page.

When my friend is not at school:
5% I hope she is OK
95% HOW DARE SHE LEAVE ME ALONE!

Substitute T for friend and that's us!

Starlight - Lol...thank you for that. So true huh?