A lot of what I read in ACOA stuff sounds like it's blaming me for everything and saying i'm unmotivated to change?
A lot of what I read in ACOA stuff sounds like it's blaming me for everything and saying i'm unmotivated to change?
Original Post
A lot of what I read in ACOA stuff sounds like it's blaming me for everything and saying i'm unmotivated to change?
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Hi Cat,
I don't know if it's any help at all but I've always had a very similar reaction to the ACOA and codependent literature in general. And I don't know why either so that's why I can't be of any real help. I'm just saying I have the same problem of how I "hear" it. But I'm with you, I think I've always owned my problems as "mine". And I've never found this literature as helpful as others have. BUT I'm glad others have found it helpful, of course.
Hugs,
SG
I don't know if it's any help at all but I've always had a very similar reaction to the ACOA and codependent literature in general. And I don't know why either so that's why I can't be of any real help. I'm just saying I have the same problem of how I "hear" it. But I'm with you, I think I've always owned my problems as "mine". And I've never found this literature as helpful as others have. BUT I'm glad others have found it helpful, of course.
Hugs,
SG
Thank you, SG. I know MANY people who have found this stuff helpful. I think I need my Ts help in finding out which parts are mine to learn from I guess... My "version". I know my T is very sold on these programs and it makes me confused about what she may view are my goals. Is my goal not to blame my parents? Do I even do that? I question myself so much that when I'm given a label I freak out and think anything and everything negative it may say is something I do. I can't just "let it be" because in doing that I feel like I'm allowing it to define too much of me... Which is my job and I have a hard enough time lol. Thanks for relating. Back to no therapy/self-help books for me. T mentioned I get triggered by that kind of stuff (structure like that) but maybe now I'd be okay. Nope, not yet!
Cat - I haven't read any ACOA literature, because my parents both quit (my dad when I was four maybe, and my mom when I was 11?) when I was relatively young, so I don't feel I can relate too deeply...but, as with SG, the codependent literature gives me the exact same reaction.
T lent me a book on codependency early on in our therapy and have read another one recommended by a youth pastor when I was very young and they also "messed with my head," in a similar way to what you're describing. I get pretty heavy on the self-blame and taking responsibility for my stuff and others' stuff, so it can get really confusing to read those things and send me into a sort of self-loathing overdrive, even if things don't feel like they fit with my experience.
So, long story short, nope, you're not the only one.
Hugs!
T lent me a book on codependency early on in our therapy and have read another one recommended by a youth pastor when I was very young and they also "messed with my head," in a similar way to what you're describing. I get pretty heavy on the self-blame and taking responsibility for my stuff and others' stuff, so it can get really confusing to read those things and send me into a sort of self-loathing overdrive, even if things don't feel like they fit with my experience.
So, long story short, nope, you're not the only one.
Hugs!