Yes I was told that the part of the relationship that is important is the alliance. In other words our ability to work together toward the goal of helping me to heal. That the therapist's job is to create a safe relationship and place where we can explore what is holding me back and causing me so much pain. The reason it is not like a normal relationship is that therapists hold back their wants, needs, desires, feelings etc in the relationship. This is partly why it is a business relationship as well as an alliance. When you go to see your medical doctor you'd be very put off if they began to tell you all about their physical ailments rather than letting you talk of yours. They are being paid to diagnose and treat you much like your therapist is being paid for the same thing only on a mental level.

I was just thinking about something along these lines.

I realized the other day that what I pay my T is no where near enough for what I get from her. The unconditional positive regard, the safe space she has created in her office (which feels more like a cozy living room,) her patience, undivided attention while I'm there, her care which is expressed through her words and body language. There's no price to put on all that.

I pay for her expertise, which is what the fee covers. The rest of it is bonus.

If T were a friend, I'd get none of what I get now.

P.S. Turtle, I like the doctor analogy, I'd never thought of it that way before!

Money is basically an energy exchange. A way of giving back to T for her time.

In a friendship, there are other forms of exchange such as reciprocal interest and support.

The relationship and caring are still real.

My two cents.

I definitely feel like it's an energy exchange and covers the expertise. I've met some crappy Ps and Ts during my times in inpatient, groups, and individual therapy. The humanness is definitely a bonus (some Ts do it much better than others, also).

I know in my work, and I'm not dealing whatsoever with someone on a deep level like a T, I care about people. I'm paid to help them but.. my genuine concern, respect, empathy and compassion are free and given to most of the people I interact with, for some it's not. Thinking about people outside of work or a special solution just for them, or thinking on the weekend, or deliberately going out of my way to make contact with them... is all free, too. Fortunately, and unfortunately care and connection are part of the human experience - I think Ts, by nature of their career choices, are in general very open to caring and connecting.