((((LOVINGKINDNESS)))))

Hi. Nice to meet you. May I ask what you are angry about? Are you angry with your T? Or about something else?

That was nice that she encouraged you to come.

Liese

((LK)) ... i can't tell you what because it sounds like a lot of my issues are like yours and i haven't dealt with them yet. i can't even imagine being where you are at now. i shut down for pretty much any "negative" emotion. Anger? forget about it! HA! silence also is okay with me. what to do? they almost always seem to leave it up to you. i think you ought to take the chance. scary or unproductive as it may seem to be now, it may be a breaking point. you'll never know unless you take the leap. one thing i've learned is that therapy ain't easy, but it oftentimes seems like the times you really don't want to go are the times that are most revealing and helpful. let us know what you decide, one way or the other. take care, lk.

Hi LK, I don't think we have formally met yet. Welcome to the Board and I hope you feel able to keep posting here and asking for support.

I have recently gone through a very angry period with my T. I have told him that I was afraid my anger would destroy both of us and the relationship. That my anger felt more like rage and I did't want to hurt him in the crossfire. I know I'm not really angry at him... it's the transference that he gets. Plus in my family anger/rage led to violence and my getting hurt and so I have that memory/experience to contend with as well.

My T was very reassuring and told me of course rage would be connected to what we are talking about and that my anger does not scare him, nor will it hurt him. He understands where this is coming from and it's okay to let it out, even if it's directed at him. Well, that made me feel a LOT better.

Maybe instead of being silent because you are feeling angry, you could just tell your T.... "I'm feeling a lot of anger and I'm not sure where it's coming from but it makes me not want to talk to you" or say "I'm angry and I'm afraid if I let it out it will destroy our relationship".

LK, I don't know your story so it's hard to advise you further. How long are you seeing your T? What kind of therapy does she do? Is she experienced in psychodynamic therapy? Does she understand and work with transference? She may feel uncomfortable because she is inexperienced with this type of work. Or she may have her own anger issues that are not resolved.

My T constantly reassures me that I'm doing what I'm supposed to be doing (getting angry, testing him, pushing him away while hanging onto him for dear life) and that helps me to tell him how I feel. He also never shows any fear of what I say or do. He says he trusts the process and he is not scared. He told me that if HE gets scared then we are in trouble LOL.

I wonder if you cannot talk to your T because you don't have a solid enough relationship with her and find it hard to trust her reactions to your anger. Do YOU even know or understand the source of your anger?

Sorry for all the questions. I would go see her and talk this out. My gut feeling is that your relationship is not yet strong enough for you to feel comfortable with expressing the anger. I could be wrong, so please ignore this if so. If you plan to stay in therapy with her you have to keep going back and working this stuff out... because even if you run, you will still have all the anger and other stuff with you. You can't outrun it, unfortunately or I would have done that already!

I know it's hard. I wish you the best for a good, productive session. Let us know how it goes.

TN

((LK)). I am going through a lot of this right now - I agree with TN that it would be good if you can give more background and i will see if my experience is helpful for you.

Anger. That was the only emotion I knew for 10 years. Now I have so many more - but anger is always dark, dangerous anger and I have to avoid it at all costs.

My T hurt me and triggered me badly (unintentionally)on the weekend and I have been loathingly angry at her. I have a relationship where I can tell her, but it leaves me with very complex and dark feelings. Now I am picking fights with her to give her reason to terminate me - my anger just goes on and on and morphs into other things.

Look forward to hearing more of your story
Somedays

d

Hi LK,

I'm sorry I don't have any good wisdom or advice to offer, as I have exactly the same response to anger as you do. I can be absolutely screaming and raging on the inside, but on the outside, I freeze up, clamp down, and it all goes inward. Just went through a hellish weekend because of it, actually, and finally vented privately to a very dear friend (lucky her, right)? I hate what it does to me on the inside, it makes me feel so poisoned. However, letting it out is really terrifying to me. I'd much rather choke myself on it. Even when it's "reasonable" (although by the time I ever would think about letting it out, I've gone way past the ability to be reasonable, or even comprehensible).

Are you feeling angry at your T specifically? Because that is the kind of situation I freeze in. That is what I'm assuming for you too. Or are you angry at someone else, and having difficulty telling your T about it?

Anyway I just wanted you to know you're not alone...and I'll be looking for any wisdom coming your way, and try to apply it to myself as well. Good luck, and please keep us updated.

Hug,
SG