I just want you to know you are not alone with the completely unexpected reaction to a vacation. The first time my T went away he gave me a different email address that he could pick up while away and told to email him if I needed to. I remember thinking "who would contact their T while they were on vacation???" and never gave it a thought. The last vacation he went on I was so upset I had a extra session the week before he left.

Maybe you are at a new stage in your therapy or your relationship so you feel threatened by their leaving. Try to talk to your T about how you felt she had distanced herself from you. I'm sure it would be enlightening for you.

Hi Megabyte...first welcome to the Board. I don't think I've said hello yet. I've been processing some of my own junk for the last week but things are in a better place now so let me offer some thoughts on this.

You may think your T was distancing herself from you but perhaps you were pulling back from her because you are upset about her vacation? I have complained that my T was feeling distant and far away from me and he made me realize that perhaps it was me that was becoming distant because I was in pain and could not bear coming closer to him. It made me think.

The other thing is to maybe ask your T if you can hold onto something of hers while she is gone...borrow a book or a knick-knack from her office until she returns. It will give you a sense of connection.

I have been through a vacation time w/my T and also a surgery that he had last year where I missed sessions. It was very hard for me... especially the vacation since he had no email. When he had the surgery I was able to email him and did... just once to make sure he was okay. We get attached to our T's and separation causes anxiety as it would in a young child who is separated from her caregiver. You feel threatened and abandoned. You need to talk to your T about your feelings.

In the meantime we are here to listen and support you in her absence.

TN

I know how you feel. I have transference with my chiropractor. On Jan 8th, he told me he was going on a vacation for one week. He even told me that I was one of his patients that he was afraid to tell. He was right. I missed him terribly. At the time, I thought I was in love with him. About 3 weeks later I found a psychiatrist to talk to and he told me it was transference, not love. I am getting better, but it still feels like love to me. As of this week I have to see my chiropractor once every other week (I was seeing him once a week since January). And I've been crying my eyes out ever since. I knew this day would arrive, I can't see him every week forever and ever, but it still hurts. I can't help miss him. I am sure I will get over it eventually. So I know exactly how you feel.

Yes, Joseph, we do feel the same. ((((Jos)))) It's hard to need someone so much and not be able to have them.
Megabyte

Megabyte,
I totally understand the way you feel. The vacation before last that my T took (last summer) I ended up emailing him twice while he was on vacation because I experienced feeling so abandoned and when he got back it took two sessions to process the vacation. The first was being able to talk about my feelings of abandonment and how scary it was that he left and the following week was about how angry I was that he had left and how much I hated his family that they had a part of him I couldn't even see. The anger session was especially a breakthrough because I have such difficulties expressing anger.

My reaction to his leaving brought up all kinds of issues that were exrremely good to look at. One of the things that we're supposed to learn from a secure attachment is that people who are important to us can go away and we can trust them to come back. We learn that my experiencing it and expressing how scary it feels. Think about a two year old when mommy leaves. They may cry and cling and in response the mother will soothe and reassure the child and when she comes back will once again make a point of being attuned and hearing the child about how she was missed and reassuring her that she was back and she would always come back. When we're small staying with our attachment figure is a matter of life and death; of course we feel threatened when they go away. And if we were never taught that we could trust the relationship when someone was away, we're still going to have problems with them leaving.

I do have good news! My T just came back from a week long vacation and although I missed him and it was tough getting through the break, I didn't feel absndoned or angry that he left and I still felt securely connected.

I would really urge you to discuss your feelings about the vacation with your T.

AG

Hi!

This is my first time here.

I've been lurking off and on for a while, but when I saw your post, I had to respond.

I have been through a lot in the past 9 months. I've been seeing my therapist for almost two years. For the past 8 months or so, I've been seeing her twice a week and she calls me once a week. We're working toward every other week twice and every other week once. Anyway, she's going away for 10 days in a few weeks! That's the longest she's been gone since I've been seeing her. My mom died in May, and since then, I've attached strongly to my therapist. I'm freaking out that she's going.

Yesterday, on the phone, we were talking about me not seeing her on Monday. I told her that I was afraid that she would forget about me and that she'd forget about me when she's on vacation. She reassured me that she won't forget about me.

Anyway, my point is that I understand how you feel.

The truth is, the time will go by and you'll make it through. Just take it day by day, moment by moment, and before you know it, she'll be back.

Megabyte,

Don't quit. Talk to her about it. My guess is that it'll work out.

As I have found out, this is totally normal. I had a bad first experience with this because last summer, when I was in one hell of an awful state, my T went away for three weeks and forgot to tell me until the Friday before he left. It was awful. I felt like I'd been kicked in the teeth but, of course, could barely bring myself to get angry with him. I got mildly annoyed, then lost it on the ride home.

Anyway, when this person leaves, the affect can be - as AG says - like your parent leaving you as a child, but if you don't know this now as an adult (and how would you?), it can really bowl you over.

So talk to her about it. It sucks when the T goes away, but it's part of the process.

Russ

Incognito?


MB

Hi Wiz,

I may have to change my nickname soon too. HB, I am doing okay. My transference feelings are manageable. I've been doing a better job of expressing myself about relationship. I think I will start a new post describing what is going on? I hope your move is going okay.