TAS, i would talk with your therapist about this dream. that was one thing i really loved about therapy was the dream analysis. from where i sit (and i may be totally off) this is your T not accepting your requests at both more frequent sessions or outside contact. the little you is crying out. the timing might not be the best with him leaving, but maybe when he returns that might be a better time to bring it up. that's what it appears like to me. (((TAS)))

CD: I will probably talk to him about it but I am not happy with him. He should help that little girl...help her get above ground. The fact he is not helping her is truly just cruel. He sees me struggling and he just watches. WHO does that? No help, no assistance. It is no wonder I experience him as being cold.

((TAS))

I can relate so much to your dream but I did want to say that I think you have reversed cause and effect here

quote:

The fact he is not helping her is truly just cruel. He sees me struggling and he just watches. WHO does that? No help, no assistance. It is no wonder I experience him as being cold.

I think that he didn't help her in the dream because you experience him as being cold. It is important to remember that he didn't just watch and he isn't cruel but instead you dreamt him that way. The dream doesn't tell you anything about him and his behaviour just about yourself.

I had a dream in the first six months of therapy which went like this. I was at a big family gathering and my family was discussing a family friend who had mailed asking my parents if they knew she was abused by her father. My parents talked about the fact that they knew but did nothing when she was a child and didn't want to tell her the truth now. Of course I was furious with them and argued that she needed confirmation of her memories. I ended up leaving the family gathering (a wedding) and driving away in a horrific rainstorm. Next I was in my own house (all alone, no husband or kids) trying to retile the kitchen floor. I was laying tiles from the walls in and when I reached the center of the room there was a gap right in the middle. I was so frustrated because I should have started in the middle so the half tile was against the wall and I started ripping up the tiles. I was tired and it was so difficult and I heard this voice kind of laughing (not loudly but a chuckle) and I looked up and yelled "why are you just laughing at me why won't you get down and help me?" but I couldn't see anyone.

The next morning I was telling the dream to my husband and we were talking about the obvious part of my family ignoring abuse and doing nothing about it (which was what happened when I was a child, teenager, adult). Suddenly he asked me why do you think I wouldn't help you with the floor and I said "that wasn't you that was T" which I didn't realize until I said it and then I knew it was true . I had a couple other dreams where T was either just observing me struggle or actively working against me (one where he was hiding my luggage from me and I needed to find it to leave). Those dreams all happened in the first year of therapy.

I hope talking about it with T helps TAS because I suspect that continued talking about how you feel about him, whether you can trust him, whether he cares, is the way to works things out.

Incognito: Thank you

I don't understand the reverse cause, etc. I saw him be the way he was being. I felt the struggle of trying to get this little girl above ground. It would be one thing if an adult was struggling and they needed to work it out for themselves...but this is a little girl who is already being helped by an adult and it is not enough.

Hypothetically, if this represents the little girl part of me...that part is still a little girl. I can't help but see that as cruel and remniscent (sp?) Of my past...others DELIGHTING in a struggle they caused. That is sick.

I am sorry I might have misunderstood. I thought you were saying that you experience him as being cold (the effect) because he ignored the little girl and your struggle (the cause). Really you experience him as cold (the cause) and then you had a dream where he ignored the little girl and you (the effect). I think I was highlighting that what he did in your dream isn't real and doesn't represent what he would actually do in that situation. What he did in your dream represents how you feel he is behaving like the cruel people of your past.

I think that is exactly what your dream is telling you. You think he is watching and doing nothing to help you like the past and perhaps even delighting in the struggle. I suspect he isn't doing that and when you have talked it out with him enough to feel differently about his boundaries and communication style then your dreams about him will change. At least that is what happened to me.

No matter what it is a disturbing dream and I can see why it upset you.

Incognito...Thank you. If I sounded grumpy towards you...I didn't mean to.

I am really worried he isn't going to call me tomorrow and then I am gonna be in a bind. I think you are right about the dream...me telling him I am struggling and he isn't doing anything...to alleviate it. I truly think this is a game changer.

Thanks for your reply.

no problem TAS. you didn't sound grumpy towards me at all. I hope that T does call you tomorrow.