I am a bit distraught as I must have missed the first poll. I'm not sure why we need a private forum when we already have sensitive issues, et. al.

I can understand if people don't feel comfortable posting on the open forum but it seems to me that having a private forum will further polarize this place.

Thanks AG!

Just wondering what the need is considering we already have sensitive issues and intimate discussions?

The need differs on an individual basis (hence the poll). Sensitive issues and intimate discussions tend heavily to certain topics (ie: of reading about SU or SH bugs you you probably don't want access to Sensitive Issues... If sex freaks you out you'd avoid intimate discussions) a general private area may allow more "general" topics hidden from public view for people who would want that for whatever reason. There was already an informal poll in whether this poll would be relevant - people asked/were talking about it. It's fine to ask. If you see no need vote no.

Thanks for re-upping this topic, I voted again.

CAT

So are you saying that it would the same thing as the OF but just private? More general kinds of concerns, dealing with perhaps therapy or with attachment?

I did find the first poll and looked at the results and see that I am in the minority and that the majority do want a private forum so I just have to accept that. I don't know what will happen to the OF but I guess we will just have to wait to find out.

I'm not good at looking in more than 3 places to see where the conversations are going on. That's my concern. I never would have found the first poll up in announcements if AG hadn't posted the second poll in a place where I look regularly.

So, that's my big concern about a private forum. As things become more and more splintered, I will be less likely to follow. It's just the way my brain works. But I can totally understand the need for privacy and privacy concerns that people do have. Just feel sad, that's all.

Liese -

I'm not saying anything at all about it. I don't know how it would be or if it even would be. AG has asked above in the poll about would people want separate topics, etc so I assume if there was enough interest that sort of thing would be addressed upon creation, if it works out that way. I think your concerns, even if they are in the minority are just as valid as anyone else's - I share some of the ones you have listed. If you don't like it vote no. I'm not going to try to convince you or share my thoughts on it. It sounded like you were questioning the entire idea of this poll in the first place, which is why I responded. I see now that you're sorting out your own issues about how you feel about it (not upset about the poll existing).

I often have divergent, confrontational and otherwise completely different ideas/opinions than most people - so I know how helpless it can feel when the majority are one way and you just aren't and I'm sorry that you feel you're in that position (in a minatory). But not everyone has voted yet, nothing is set in stone and none of the minor details are all ironed out. I hope everyone will put in a vote and I hope whatever hurts arise from it working out or not can be healed, and resolved.

Hi, maybe this sounds ignorant but I am just trying to understand something....since we are already annonymous in the sense that our identities are hidden behind made up names, what difference would there be if our discussions remained on the open forum or the private forum? My other concern is this....I joined this forum because I accidentally came across the site, read some of the threads and realised there were other people battling with the same things as me. Because it looked like a "safe" place to discuss my feelings and thoughts, I joined. If the existing members spent all or most of their time on the private forums "out of view" from the public, how would we know if there was someone like me out there, who really needed help but instead missed the opportunity to find it, because we were all helping each other behind closed doors? It seems rather uninviting especially because if you are anything like me, you want to "browse" before committing to anything.

I appreciate the need to have intimate discussion forums since they may be triggering, but at the same time there are people searching the net for help, and if all the help is hidden then where is the benefit and potential growth for new members?

If it were not for this forum that I joined on the day that I did, I can tell you that I would not be here today, because I had nowhere to turn to, and I was at one of the lowest points in my life. I was moments away from making that decision. My heart was absolutely broken, and so I guess my children have this forum to thank for still having a mother.

So in a nutshell, I am against the thought of a private forum, because while it may help those of us who are currently members it does nothing to encourage new members.

B2W

Liese,
This is the thread where the discussion of and request for a non-topic private forum came up: Moderator Question.

Both polls were originally posted in the General Discussion section of the forum and an announcement place in the Announcement section in the hope of catching as many members as possible.

As far as the resason for wanting this, I would refer you to the other threads. I am refraining from comment as I do not wish to influence members one way or the other on the topic. I performed the first poll as a response to the fact that a number of members indicated that they would prefer more privacy than that afforded by an anonymous username. This second poll is driven by the fact that the first indicated a majority were interested in a private forum. No decisions have yet been made about the issue; the input is intended to help with the decision process. Ultimately, the decision of whether to add a private forum will be made by Shrinklady.

As far as the SI and Intimate discussions private forums, one reason is what Cat said, there are people who wish to post in a private forum but are uncomfortable with or wish to avoid the topics that are the focus of those forums. Members have also complained in the past, that they find the SI forum stigmatizing for the issues involved so that they will not post there, but that a private forum NOT dedicated to any particular issue would not be offensive in that way.

I very much agree with Cat, I would want everyone to be free to post their comments and concerns, for or against, in this thread. Obviously, with so many people involved we will not come to a perfect solution, nor one that pleases everyone, but I do hope that we can all hear each other's concerns and comments and try to come to a decision that will help the community.

AG

((((B2W))))

Your children do need you and I for one am so glad you did not make that decision. Having had the same feelings though not being AS close to the decision as you were, I know how awful it all is. As a recent consult said to me, however, you are INDISPENSIBLE to your children.



liese

Hi born2write...

I am very VERY thankful that you found us and that you are with us today (for our sakes and your family's sake as well).

I do happen to agree with you and that is why, despite some sporadic fears, I post on the OF. I have this deep belief that what happened to me in being abandoned by my oldT will somehow be worth something if I share my journey with others who may have had the same or similar experiences in therapy. Even if the others are too fearful, shy or insecure to join or post, I know that there are a lot of people out there reading and hopefully finding some comfort that I have survived the abandonment and found a new, good T who I can work with. I remember that there was SO very little about forced terminations/abandonment by therapists out there and I felt like a freak. I often wonder how many others have felt the same way.

I do understand why there would be separate forums for sensitive issues and intimate discussions as they may trigger the general audience in OF. That is the reason I support for having them, not for keeping out others or hiding away from the public.

Liese, I do also share some of your concerns about this being too splintering for the group.

TN

OK, I will give my opinion here.

I have been using Sensitive Issues to post anything that might be likely to reveal my identity to anyone who knows me. While I don't mind posting most things on the OF, anonymity is very important to me. This is why I support a private forum. But I think it's valuable to have most things on an open forum, where others can benefit also.

I am posting less and less on the open forum as I feel exposed, uncomfortable and vulnerable. I dabble here and there and support other people and reveal a few things - but I haven't started a topic in ages.

TO get around it - i have been getting support by PM ing close people whom I can confide in. This means that less ppl are using the forums - both open and closed - as we are 'typed out'. I think this is not a great thing as it dilutes the effectiveness of the system and the amount of support that can be shared around. But, it is the truth.

If I start a topic - it would be in the Sensitive issues section - and I try and throw in some reference to Self Harm so I qualify to use it. That is the basic truth.

Liese: I set up NOtifications - I choose certain people OR certain threads and when anyone posts - I get the email notification of it sent to my private email address. I then choose what i logon and read. I also choose the "Find since last logon" option to look at the posts that have been added to since I was last on the forum. I NEVER go thru the psychcafe Menu system as there are too many subjects and threads.

Somedays

If you have not yet answered the survey, please do. I would really like to get input from as many members as possible! Thanks!

Bouncing it up to the top again.

I'm fairly new here, and don't use either the SI or Intimate forums, but it seems to me like (based on the survey results) so many people would start posting in the private forum that not many of us would be left to support each other on the OF. It may devolve into just the newer members, the ones who may feel obligated to check in periodically, or the ones who aren't aware of the private option posting here. I would certainly not have had as rich and fulfilling experience here, with all the healing that has entailed, if many of my new "friends" were not participating in the open forum as much as they are. I seek, need, and treasure their shared experiences and insights! And imagine if the open/public forum were primarily just a bunch of us newbies - ha!

Anyway, looks like it's going to happen, I'm just voicing my somewhat selfishly-motivated concerns here, fwtw!


Starry

I see no problem with having some sub-forums that are always open to newbies and seasoned members alike so they can get to know each other and get a feel for the board, but that perhaps the open area should be limited to the less triggering topics and everyday chatting and fun games. As newbies settled in and made several posts in the open forums (and thus showed they were not trolls and were serious about membership), they could "graduate" into access to the private forums.

I also see no problem with dividing the current private forums into a few more subforums. For example, one could be just for SI. Another could be for T relationship troubles. Another could be about severe anxiety/depression/PTSD symptoms. Or whatever categories that most serious posts fall under. If the subforums are labeled with clear guidelines posted at the beginning in the form of a "sticky note" that users are asked to read first before proceeding,then all members who have access to the private forums can choose which ones they want to go into at any given day, depending upon their own state and ability to handle what is triggering to them. And those who wish to post will feel secure in the closed nature of the environment and that their disclosures will not be google-searchable. I just think it would be a win-win for everyone.