lizzygirl,
Hear you so loud and clear on this! I have been on 2 meds and am also very sensitive to any medications. The first I took for 9 months and it was very effective and then very difficult to go off of, the other I only took for 2 weeks and experienced horrid side-effects, so stopped on my own.

There are lots of horror stories (that internet thing - you can find anything online), BUT there are many more success stories. So often mental health is very biological, and becomes more so as time goes on because of its effects on the brain.

I agree that taking these meds can be scary - the effects vary individually and there are definite side-effects - it really is largely trial and error. HOWEVER, The effects of the brain under stress from depression and anxiety that goes untreated can be WAY MORE detrimental over time than many side-effects the medication may have. Your brain is permanently altered in a from those effects as well - but negatively.

I think it comes down to your quality of life you are experiencing.

I don't know what you are taking, but I would do some research on what exactly the med does - it may help you feel better about your decision.

I firmly believe that it is about respecting yourself and taking care of yourself. You deserve to feel better - it does not have to feel so hard.

(feeling really hypocritical because I have not been able to take this advice and apply it to myself even though I do believe it. UGH!)

quote:

I'm am angry that I have given up my fight to stay off SSRI's and just hope and pray this is the right decision for me.

Hi lizzygirl, I hope the med you are on continues to help to a significant degree. If it does, you may eventually be able to say to yourself, "Why didn't I try this a long time ago?!" and not be angry anymore for "giving in". I don't know if that will happen for you, but I hope it does.

This is sort of my fight right now too. For the first time ever I have recently begun taking an antidepressant - Lexapro - after being pill-hesitant for a long time. I felt I wanted to get over my stuff by myself, and not just mask symptoms or become dependent. But recently I just got so tired of fighting this battle without much relief that I decided to "give in" and try it. My T felt I was dipping down to a suicidal level often enough that the risks would be worth it. I've been on them one month, and I can say that they are definitely helping. Yes, I've suffered some side-effects, but they are more acceptable than those frequent suicidal lows that are now less common and less intense. This is still new for me, so I don't know how it will continue to play out in my future. But today I found myself telling my doc that I wish I had come to him sooner. Never thought I'd say that.

Hi lizzygirl,

You're not alone here. I waited for almost five years before my depression got so bad that I decided I needed help and gave in to medication. Mine started as postpartum depression, and I fought it thinking I would get over it but never did. My husband is very much against anti-depressants, and my mother has taken them for the past 16 years and has to be on them for life because she has clinical depression (and I have been diagnosed with the same thing, hooray ) so watching her has made me not want to give in to taking them, too. But I finally realized that it comes down to deciding what is most important in life; swallowing my pride and taking a pill (or 2 or 3 in my case), or living in my own personal hell. For me, it was a quality-of-life issue. I was tired of feeling like a completely brain-dead, lifeless woman, wife and mother that never wanted to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. I was content to sit at the computer all day, in my pajamas, never shower, get dressed, fix my hair, put on my make-up, go to the grocery store, clean my house, go out with friends, do the things I used to LOVE, or even eat! I just wanted everyone to leave me alone and let me just fade into oblivion, and that was SO not me. I cried every day for months, and finally decided I was tired of feeling dead inside.

I've taken many different AD meds in the past and it's definitely not always a straightforward process. I am currently on my 6th medication in 6 months, but I'm finally feeling better. A lot of it (in my opinion) is the combination of the medication and therapy, as I wasn't doing as well as I am now until things started getting better with my T, but I know the medication has been helping a lot the last few weeks. My side effects are not fun, but I feel like the improvement in my quality of life so far (and I'm just at the beginning of the improvement stage) is wonderful, and worth the money I'm forking out and the annoyances of the side effects. Like Mad Hatter, I am wishing I had gone for help sooner, as it is so nice to start to feel better and be able to cope with life (and with therapy--as that's super hard for me) instead of being overwhelmed by everything that comes my way.

I wouldn't look at this as giving up your fight, lizzygirl. You're empowering yourself so that you can do the hard work you have to do in therapy and in life to get better and to grow and change and do the stuff you need to do for yourself to make your life what you want and need it to be. You took a courageous step and you need to see it as that! It's easy to look at it as a negative thing, but I think if you give yourself some time and give the medication time to work, you'll be pleasantly surprised and grateful that you did this for yourself!!

MTF

Hi all - I have been taking antidepressants for such a long time. I have tried numerous types but they all do the same thing. They work for a while and then they stop working. You go into a depression again and have to start all over with a new one or a mixture. I can't stand it. I have been on this new one now for about 8 months. I was good for a while and then I could feel myself slipping. So, we upped the dose and now I am just so edgy and full of anxiety.
To me it is just a waste of timie. I am so tired of being depressed, feeling good. being depressed over and over again. I am starting to believe that it isn't an imbalance as they all say, but just being too damn thick headed to get this right! What if it's just a "me" thing and not really a medical thing? Am I just an idiot or what?
Hopefully you all get better results.
Smiley

Smiley...not an idiot. don't say that. you are just hurting.

BB

Didnt do well on the Celexa, really bothered my GI system and had morning tremors and no positive effect, but I only took them for 10 days. My P told me to stop them. Then in an effort to make myself feel better, I doubled my other meds. Worked for a couple of days then slam...I was in a meeting and began to feel really over medicated, so I cut way back, and ended up making myself all screwed up. Sigh! My P told me to go back to what I was originally taking of course and it it has taken me several days to get feeling stable again. I'm concerned as I see him tomorrow and I dont know what he is going to suggest next. I'm afraid he is going to suggest another AD or something stronger and I'm going to end up sick again. I'm so sick and tired of being sick and tired. So tired of meds I could scream. Just venting here...sorry for being so self indulgent.

lizzygirl-
vent away! That sounds like a nightmare, and I feel for you. Hope you can get it all straightened out very soon. In the meantime, be gentle with yourself, because you are dealing with an awful lot.

BB

Here I go again. Saw my P Wed. We discussed meds at length. I told him I couldnt tolerate the Celexa. Told him after failing with that,
I doubled my other meds in an attempt to feel better....stupid idea. Then I screwed myself all up for a few days. Back to feeling better, or at least where I began from. He kept throwing out medications as he was thinking out loud. I'm like..dont look at me, all I know is what I see on TV. A lightbulb seemed to come on for him and he recommended Seraquel. Something to "take the edge off" as he put it and I could take as needed. I said OK, filled the script and started reading the drug info.
This has to have more side effects than any drug I've taken. Its really scary. I know I shouldn't read all that fine print or else I wouldn't take any drug. The primary use is for BPD and schizophrenia. No where does it mention for treatment of anxiety. So I guess this is all off label. He did put me on the lowest dose. I took one last night and today feel so sedated. I know from my previous experiences the first day is the worst.
Has anyone ever taken this drug?

hi lizzygirl,

My mother takes it, and she loves it. Give it a while for your body to adjust. I know that sounds crazy, but it does take your body some time to learn how to deal with the medication. I started taking a drug that is similar to seraquel. It's called Abilify. Same sort of thing. They're anti-psychotic drugs, and they DO help with anxiety. All I can say is that this Abilify is MY MIRACLE DRUG. I am also on Pristiq and Topamax for my depression and anxiety, and I was having obsessive thoughts I could NOT get rid of until I got on the Abilify and now I feel normal again. It is wonderful. But I can tell you from experience that it can take several days for the tiredness/sedatedness feeling to wear off, and I would take your seraquel as early as you can in the evening. Like as soon as you think you could take it and not be bothered by having to go to bed, so that it has time to 'wear off' and not affect you so much in the day. It should lose the sleepiness effect soon. At least my mother doesn't feel tired in the mornings. She's been on seraquel for years. Hang in there and give it a chance to work. It may make a huge difference for you. Good luck!!

MTF,
Thank you for the words of encouragement! I've been sitting here at work waiting for some symptom to strike me dead and know I'm just being paranoid. I read all about all these law suits regarding Seraquel and I have been freeking out. I am on the small dose possible
so I know I'm overreacting. I really needed to hear something positive right now

Would anyone feel comfortable about giving an update on the meds situation? My T is becoming adamant that I take something for anxiety/depression and I'm so angry at him for putting my back to the wall. I hate any kind of side-effects of any meds and I even freak out taking cold meds with pseudo-ephedrine in it so I'm terrified of the effects of A-Ds. All of you seem to have side effects. I'm feeling down but for a reason and I have been in therapy for 2.5 years and it's only really now that I have been struggling with feeling dead and unfocused. Over the past few years I have been working full time, caring for my child, attending University, and handling my domestic chores/finances. I'm super-efficient, I just have anxiety and have been crying a lot lately over the threat of abandonment by my T. Is dealing with the expense and side effects of meds worth it for someone who is basically functioning?

Another question... was it your idea or your T/Ps idea to use the meds and what did they say about it.

Thank you to anyone who can help me with this.

TN

My T is adamant that he doesn't believe in meds, TN. He thinks they cause more problems. He once recommendeda book called "Your Drug May be your Problem." I can't remember the author, but the Title should be enough to be able to find it. If not, and you are interested, let me know and I can find out by looking back through my session notes. (Sorry to anyone who believes in meds, and takes them, this is just my experience, and there are many good reasons to take them) That being said I do NOT function very well, and deal with the temptation to try and A/D, just to see if *something* would get my sorry butt into gear. He says he would respect that, and work with me the same, yet I won't since A) he doesn't believe in it and B)all the obvious reasons that people don;t want to take them

Hope this helps a bit...I wonder why he is pushing you so much on this all of a sudden? That seems strange...is it just because of the crying? (sorry you are scared of being abandoned ...that isn't something you have to worry about for real right now, is it?) Crying is normal when you are sad, right? It is good you can cry, healthy....if you can't cry, well...hm, I would trust your instincts here, yet, it's hard, because of course T's kinda know stuff so you wonder if they know better...have you talked about how it makes you feell to have him putting the pressure on you like this?

BB

TN,

I just read your other thread and will be coming back later in the day to respond, but I thought I'd chime in here too.

I am a HUGE anti-meds person, but I will take something if I have to (infection, risk benefit etc.). However, when I first started T last spring (before she knew about the DID) she kept pressuring me to take meds. We kind of got into it a few times over it and I kept telling her that I was not comfortable with the side effects and that I had fully researched my options and decided it was not for me.

I did, however, elect to use some herbal supplements. That decision was also made with careful research and planning. First off, I increased my Vit D because I was deficient (took a blood test). That can impact moods and overall health. I also went back on Omega 3 supplements. I like Nordic Naturals strawberry essence ones the best because you don't get fishy burps. Then I started taking a product called Serenity Formula by Dr. Murray. It did help and I am now back off of it and now longer need it. The most helpful Dr. Murray product that I use for occasional daytime anxiety with zero side effects (other than getting rid of the anxiety) is a lovely tasty chewable pill called Suntheanine. It is in his line of products called Stress Relax. Stress Relax Anyway, I take a Suntheanine and I get a sense of calm within about 15 minutes.

My T recently brought up the meds issue for me again and wanted me to go see a P that works with DID. The problem with DID is that meds are really tough because they have different effects depending on who is "out" when you take them. I still am not willing to take A-D meds because I've been on them in the past and the side effects were terrible. I know there are newer ones, but I always end up feeling nothing when I'm on them. I can't cry, can't feel a thing good or bad. I don't think that is going to help my therapy progress if I can't feel a thing. If so then why don't I just keep dissociating and call it good. Ya know?

So, I just wanted you to know that you are not the only one that isn't a fan of meds. I finally had to tell my T that I had researched my options and made the best decision for ME and that she needed to respect that and back off. She did.

The feelings that you describe seem more related to the situation at hand with your T and what it is triggering from the past, not depression in the organic sense. More on that when I respond to the other thread. ((((TN))))

Lizzygirl,
That's not a failure. You are actually doing anything you can to fight it (the damn depression). I can't imagine how hard it must have been to struggle against it for a long time without any med help.
If you had a bad flu with high fever and you took medicine to fight it, would you feel you gave in because you could not fight the flu with your own body defences? I think you could fight the fever without medicine, but it would take much longer and it would not do you any good to be sick for longer.
This things are there to help you, not to make you dependent on them.
Well, I was taking some antidepressants in the past and did not experience any horror stories. Never became dependent on them. My psychiatrist then told me, that the fear of addiction is not necessary because you can become addicted even to taking vitamins if you chose to become addicted and assured me that the stuff was not addictive.
I think the depression itself effects the brain in a very bad way, therefore to try to minimise its effect is the way to go.
Take care. You are doing well and you will be out of it.

quote:

The feelings that you describe seem more related to the situation at hand with your T and what it is triggering from the past, not depression in the organic sense. More on that when I respond to the other thread.

STRM, that is IT, exactly. I don't fell depressed most times. I do have anxiety at times and it is much less than when I first went into therapy. It has lessened because of having my Ts support and knowing he was there for me if things got too chaotic. My T feels that anxiety leads into depression and my state of the past few days has confirmed this to him.

But what I'm reacting to is the fear/terror that he is abandoning me and that our relationship which was SO important to me and so vital to this work I'm doing, is being threatened and may end. I'm in a lot of pain and feeling suicidal at times and I just find it hard to want to go on. Like a part of me is already dead. Would it be better if the threat of his loss elicited no reaction from me?

Prior to the last two weeks I was going along doing well with life. And in the last few months I was feeling extrememely connected with T and amazed at how the changes we were working on were having SUCH a positive effect on my mental health. I had made real, measurable progress. But one set back and he wants me to see another T and be gone or get onto meds to "stablilize" me.

Thanks for your links and information. I will definitely look into them. I know that if I try an AD and have ANY side effects at all I will freak and just stop taking them. My mom was on Lexapro and had horrible results so we took her off of it. This is the one he keeps mentioning to me. Of course, he can't prescribe so I'll have to talk to my dr. or a P. More expense. My other option, which I have very seriously considered was going and getting the damn meds and showing them to him and then NOT taking them. Just allowing him to believe that I am so we can just not have to fight over this any more. I can say... all is well I feel good and no problems and we can get on with therapy. Who would really know?

Blackbird you are lucky that your T does not push this with you. I will check into the book you mention. I have researched and I found so much conflicting info on A-D and depression. There is no conclusive evidence on their efficacy in all situations. They help some and don't help others. Also they are usually recommended for severe depression. If I have depression at all it is mild and I argue that it's not serious enough to warrant drugs with side effects.

Thanks for responding. I appreciate it. I feel so trapped and cornered right now. I can't see anything except darkness.

TN

Hello,

This is an interesting thread.

Since I've suffered from depression, learned a lot from it and will soon open a private counselling practice, I thought I'd share my experience and knowledge about ADs and overcoming depression. I've lived on 3 different continents in the past 12 years, did A LOT of research, interviewed clients, patients, Psychiatrists, Psychologists, Counsellors, etc... and what I found might be of some assistance. Although this is somewhat basic. So, bear with me

First, SSRIs are considered as a 'mild' mood lifting drug. By 'mild' I mean that they are not physiologically addictive like other drugs, such as anxiolytics, and are not supposed to make you feel like a zombie. Side effects, if any, are usually peaking during the first 10 days of treatment and then diminish, although some of them may remain present during the length of the treatment. This is NORMAL and should be EXPECTED. It usually takes anywhere from 3 to 6 weeks for SSRIs to become effective (at the correct dosage). I'd say that a good 6 months is a minimum to fully benefit from these drugs.

Now, all SSRIs are not the same. Some will work better than others depending on how your body react to them. Unfortunately, there is no way to predict which one is best for you. It's about trial and error. Having said that, it has been shown that many many many times, SSRIs SHOULD NOT be taken with another similar drugs. Do not take more than 1 SSRI at a time. What I mean is this: if your Doctor starts you on, let's say Prozac, and you don't really feel better after 4 or 5 weeks, I would strongly object if you were prescribed another SSRI to take along with the Prozac. The proper course would be to up the dosage of the Prozac and wait for another 10 days. I've seen and see too many people taking way too much medications that are poorly prescribed whether in combination and/or dosage. I can't stress this enough !!

If you feel a bit better but find that you are lacking energy, look into SSNRIs. These affect Serotonin AND Norepinephrine. Then again, it will take a while for the positive effects of the drugs to manifest themselves and you might need to adjust your dosage and wait before trying something else.

Something important to understand: Anti-depressants are NOT anti-biotics. Depression is not a bacterial infection. You can't just take 2 a day and feel better in 5 days. It just doesn't work like that. Not many Doctors educate their patients on what they are prescribing them.

ALSO, depending on the severity of your depression, drugs alone might not solve your problems. Remember this: AN ANTI-DEPRESSANT IS A 'CHEMICAL CRUTCH'. It's sole use, when appropriately delivered, is to ASSIST your nervous system. It will not cure your depression, it will help YOU 'cure' it. But as I said, depending on cases, drugs alone might not be enough.

If after a few weeks of taking ADs you still feel depressed, seek therapy. AD + a proper therapy will maximise your chance of overcoming your depression.

BUT Therapies and/or their practicians may not suit you either... There are many different sorts of therapies out there and not all of them will fit your personality. What I'm trying to say is it might take some time and a lot of patience to find the right combination of approaches for you to get over your disorder. And you shouldn't lose hope. I know, I've been there myself and I've witnessed many people in the same situation.

I used the word 'educate' earlier on. Don't forget that knowledge is power. You might find yourself reading a book or an article and suddenly realize a lot of things in 5 seconds, something that will put things into perspective.

Hope this helps a little and clarifies a couple of things.