Any woman feeling "Mommy guilt"?
What do you do about it? Are there people in your life that press your "Mommy guilt" buttons?
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In a word- oh, heck, yes. I will come back to this thread when I have time to do the subject justice. 
quote:Any woman feeling "Mommy guilt"?
ALL THE TIME, Athenacus. All the time.
What do I do about it? Try not to give up. Keep doing the best I can, give the best I can to the kids I have. Try VERY HARD *not* to "compare" myself to moms who seem to do everything right and also make it look "easy" (I quietly refer to them as "uber-moms"). And talk about it with friends who understand.
I can't think of anyone right off the top of my head who seems to deliberately try and press any Mommy guilt buttons. Probably because they are going off all the time anyway so I wouldn't necessarily notice.
SG
There are many guilt feelings, and looking back, yes, many reasons to feel guilty. I'm not sure it's possible for a caring Mom to NOT have them-do you?
Good topic for my next session perhaps, thanks.
Not sure if/how anyone pushes those buttons, or how they can. I did the best I could with minimal to no support. And he is mostly healthy and happy and has a good life ahead of him. That matters.
You feeling ok? Did something happen?
Good topic for my next session perhaps, thanks.
Not sure if/how anyone pushes those buttons, or how they can. I did the best I could with minimal to no support. And he is mostly healthy and happy and has a good life ahead of him. That matters.
You feeling ok? Did something happen?
Hi again,
I have a fourteen month old and I'm pregnant with a second one due in April. I tend to feel guilty towards my daughter, because soon she won't be the baby any more, etc., so I try to focus on her a lot, and then feel guilty towards the yet-to-be-born, because I get so caught up in being mommy to my daughter that half the time I forget I'm pregnant. It's a maddening see saw at times. Then I wonder if all of my anxiety about giving my kids enough attention is going to make them feel smothered, and I feel guilty about that possibility.
What do I do about it? Usually just distracting myself helps a bit, but that doesn't really make the guilt go away. I don't know.
As far as button pushers go. . . I have one of those mother in laws that guilts me for everything from buying jars of baby food instead of making my own, to letting baby sleep in my room for too long. It's invasive, annoying, ridiculous, and I'm insecure enough to internalize a lot of it and feel worse because of it. On a good day I'm able to laugh it all off, realizing this is the stuff sitcoms are made of, and not the sort of thing to define myself by!
Hugs to you for whatever is going on. Wish I had some more helpful advice.
I have a fourteen month old and I'm pregnant with a second one due in April. I tend to feel guilty towards my daughter, because soon she won't be the baby any more, etc., so I try to focus on her a lot, and then feel guilty towards the yet-to-be-born, because I get so caught up in being mommy to my daughter that half the time I forget I'm pregnant. It's a maddening see saw at times. Then I wonder if all of my anxiety about giving my kids enough attention is going to make them feel smothered, and I feel guilty about that possibility.
What do I do about it? Usually just distracting myself helps a bit, but that doesn't really make the guilt go away. I don't know.
As far as button pushers go. . . I have one of those mother in laws that guilts me for everything from buying jars of baby food instead of making my own, to letting baby sleep in my room for too long. It's invasive, annoying, ridiculous, and I'm insecure enough to internalize a lot of it and feel worse because of it. On a good day I'm able to laugh it all off, realizing this is the stuff sitcoms are made of, and not the sort of thing to define myself by!
Hugs to you for whatever is going on. Wish I had some more helpful advice.
Thanks ladies for making me feel not so alone!
Long rambling story ahead...
I was a Stay-At-Home Mom for about 10 years. I poured my heart and soul into my two children. One night my life took an unexpected turn...I found out my hubby was cheating on me. I started therapy 6 months after that (I didn't know where to turn after I was getting depressed after being abused). I thought I could find a way to save our marriage. Fast forward a couple months after that and I found a part time job and dealt with a 1st divorce hearing in the same week. My kids have been completely torn apart by their life changing so drastically over the last year (mommy started a new job, family broke apart, we had to move in with g'pa and g'ma, one kid started a new school and now their dad is getting married again). Anyway, I also started taking a few college classes (post BA-still undergrad level though). With work, school and homework and still dealing with a harassing ex husband, I feel I don't give enough attention to my kiddos sometimes. I have a wonderful family support system that help me a great deal. I am eternally grateful for them!
My mother seems to press my "Mommy guilt" buttons though. My ex husband has asked to take the kids to an event on one of my weekends with them. I told him that would be ok with me for at least this one event. I was thinking that I could catch up on some homework at that time seeing as I'm going to be busy working the week before that. My mom said that it sounded like my homework was more important than my kids and that I shouldn't let my ex take them. She also told me it's a good thing that I didn't get into grad school for summer because my kids need time with me instead. I still have to work and possibly find another job in addition, so it's not like I can spend a ton of free time with my kiddos anyway. I don't know...I just feel sometimes that I've put my kids first for so long that I forgot what I enjoyed. Everything revolved around them for quite some time and now that I'm doing something for me I get guilted into feeling that I'm selfish for doing things for myself. ugh.
I guess it's a balancing act that I'm going to have to deal with.
I know you women do it as well.
Just struggling currently and trying to not feel guilty.....
Long rambling story ahead...
I was a Stay-At-Home Mom for about 10 years. I poured my heart and soul into my two children. One night my life took an unexpected turn...I found out my hubby was cheating on me. I started therapy 6 months after that (I didn't know where to turn after I was getting depressed after being abused). I thought I could find a way to save our marriage. Fast forward a couple months after that and I found a part time job and dealt with a 1st divorce hearing in the same week. My kids have been completely torn apart by their life changing so drastically over the last year (mommy started a new job, family broke apart, we had to move in with g'pa and g'ma, one kid started a new school and now their dad is getting married again). Anyway, I also started taking a few college classes (post BA-still undergrad level though). With work, school and homework and still dealing with a harassing ex husband, I feel I don't give enough attention to my kiddos sometimes. I have a wonderful family support system that help me a great deal. I am eternally grateful for them!
My mother seems to press my "Mommy guilt" buttons though. My ex husband has asked to take the kids to an event on one of my weekends with them. I told him that would be ok with me for at least this one event. I was thinking that I could catch up on some homework at that time seeing as I'm going to be busy working the week before that. My mom said that it sounded like my homework was more important than my kids and that I shouldn't let my ex take them. She also told me it's a good thing that I didn't get into grad school for summer because my kids need time with me instead. I still have to work and possibly find another job in addition, so it's not like I can spend a ton of free time with my kiddos anyway. I don't know...I just feel sometimes that I've put my kids first for so long that I forgot what I enjoyed. Everything revolved around them for quite some time and now that I'm doing something for me I get guilted into feeling that I'm selfish for doing things for myself. ugh.
I guess it's a balancing act that I'm going to have to deal with.
I know you women do it as well.
Just struggling currently and trying to not feel guilty.....
Total guilt all the time about a lot of things! I adopted my daughter and she has reactive attachment disorder. I have my own attachment problems. I wonder so often if I shouldn't have adopted her and maybe she could have gone to a more normal family. I also have a psychopathic dad and brother who play games and hurt me emotionally all the time. My daughter certainly doesn't need that.