Hi jill,

I am so sorry for the pain you are feeling. You are in a hard place. You feel the need but do not know where to go with it. I know how difficult it is to find a therapist you believe can help you heal. If you have spent any time browsing this forum then you know you are not alone in that pain. So many have shared their struggles with finding a good therapist or of working through conflicts with one. MyShrink will educate you with what you need to know about therapy and how to find a good therapist. A therapist does not have to be an expensive psychiatrist. That information alone should open up the playing field for you. I want to cheer you in recognizing what you don't need and doing what you can to find what you do need. That is a huge step! Welcome to the forum, jill. I am glad you are here. You will find a lot of care and support for the journey on this forum.
If you want to find a counselor with a biblical worldview, you can check at www.aacc.net.

I am in therapy for similar issues and this process for me did not begin seriously until five years ago. There are several things I have learned that I want to share in hope of giving you support. What you have learned about yourself and the damage caused by your mistreatment in childhood is valuable and will one day help you heal and see the growth that has taken place. Journaling is a wonderful tool and can help you in many ways. I write voraciously and am still learning how to hone it to make it most effective for my journey.

Healing from the wounds we suffered is not quick or easy. You know the phrase 'knowledge is power,' well you are in the process of reclaiming your power through the process of healing. That power was something taken from you in childhood, according to Dr. Diane Langberg who, as an expert in the field of sexual abuse, also shares in her book "On the Threshold of Hope" how a victim's voice is silenced by abuse and has a negative impact on all relationships. You have recognized this in your life and you want a deeper level of healing. I share this book with you because you mentioned the Lord in your post. The author is a Christian psychologist. Another helpful website for people with our background is www.committedtofreedom.org. Sallie Culbreth, its founder, wrote a workbook for "On the Threshold of Hope" among other works for victims of abuse. I also receive her 'Roadside Assistance' emails. These help me continue to persevere and give me a perspective on life I so often lack.

I believe healing ultimately comes from God; that is my worldview. God is relational with himself and he wants a relationship with us. We were made by him, in his image and to reflect that image. If those who were suppose to reflect his image to us failed while we were young impressionable children then we will struggle to trust him to be all he says that he is. Healing and growing are part of the human journey. I believe that journey includes what we will do with God. He uses the failure of others to cause me to seek him and he uses the help of others to help me find him. In the end, it is my hope that this takes me to a more trusting relationship with Him.

I am praying for you, jill.

deeplyrooted

what a kind person you are. yes, i do think the truth will set me free. i am only recently 'reborn', didn't know what was missing until i found it. i thought i was a Christian, went to church, etc. but, with my background and mixed religious messages from childhood (catholic, jewish, and practicing agnostic) i never knew God really knew me. this has been so wonderful, and my only true hope for healing, and sometimes is so healing...the things i hear through prayer...that i wonder if God is my therapist. that He will heal me without all of this stuff.


yes, i do, what i call, geographic journaling, in that it is ALL OVER THE PLACE. i am constantly writing. sometimes, in recent past when i had a therapist, kind of rehearsing what to say to him. i think i struggled SO with him trying to capture every nuance of my personality and show it to him naively thinking that he could do something with it. i have come to realize that i had two decks of cards shuffled in my mind, one being the here and now advise stuff that he/cognitive behavior therapy, could help fairly well....but THE OTHER DECK OF CARDS is all the emotional healing and cries of that inner child. and i would get so mad at him because he would just listen. he took that proverb to heart, about how a fool appears wise when they keep their mouth shut. not that he is a fool, but he did keep his mouth shut about all that inner child pain, and i just bled out, until i finally realized he does NOT have the TOOLS to fix that inner child!!!

now, who does?? i forwarded a request to over a dozen therapists i found through Psychology Today's website. and will interview them.

i know i naively think (as a child) that someone can heal me, and i am beginning to think it is just another fantasy, like the one i held for so long that my childhood was ok. i realize i clung to the childlike thought that if you 'wished' hard enough it would be true. i have alot of disassociative defenses. sometimes i really can't feel. i don't know who i am...i am a chameleon to whatever i conclude will keep me safe. wow, it is amazing the wounds i have denied knowing.

YOU are a big help, and i will search these links you SO KINDLY forwarded to me.

Thank you for your prayers and your time. yes, i know 'Jesus loves me', and really, i never knew that. never learned that as a child, just learned i was a burden and MUCH too needy.

i HATE my parents in case you didn't know that!! AGH! it just feels good to say that!! thanks again, and i will enjoy devouring your links to sanity!! jill

Hi Jill,

I too have experienced Christs love and grace in my life. The T that I see is of a different belief system, but it works for me. This website has much to say on finding a good attuned therapist- check it out. My T has all of the right stuff to do the job, and who knows I may- (Through the love of Christ) be of some benefit to him. If you are new in your faith- you may want to find someone who reflects that faith, though. I wish you Gods blessings in your search.