I've talked about my transference issues with my T, the issues that I prefer to call "attachment". She has been there for me through the most difficult period of my life. She has been there for me in the most amazing ways.

This past year, my mom died, I lost my job, I left my husband/marriage of 10 years, I moved out of my home and away from my neighborhood support system (a support system which was phenomenal), I became a single mom overnight, I've experienced the fall-out of my family following the death of my mom, I've gotten lice 2 times, and now, I've been very sick with the flu and flu recovery for 2 weeks.

Through it all, there was my therapist, by my side, holding my hand, literally, comforting me, supporting me, yet still teaching me how to stand on my own two feet.

A month or so ago, I told her about my "attachment" issues. Well, actually, all along, we've talked about my attachment and the needs I have that she's meeting for me. But, I came out with the whole truth, the fact that I want her to adopt me and be my mom, because people here urged me to talk about it with her. I had written her this beautiful letter. After I read it, she was crying, and applauding my bravery and honesty, and recognizing my growth. That day, I had somehow hurt my neck, to the degree that my head had to lean over to the side. As we Texans call it, I had a "crick" in my neck. In the morning, the pain had been so bad, that I had actually thrown up (imagine throwing up when you have a crick in your neck and it hurts immensely to move it the tiniest bit. . . no fun). She said that if it's okay with me, she'd like to massage my neck. She is physical with me in appropriate ways, so it wasn't weird or anything. She has very solid boundaries, and I have always felt safe with her, and her touch has always been safe, and hasn't messed me up. My point in telling this part of the story is what she said as she was massaging my neck. As I was laying there, she said, "You gave me a beautiful gift today, now let me give to you." She saw my letter, my honesty, my opening up to her as a gift.

Later, I asked her if she already knew that I wanted her to be my mom, and she said that she had already known that, but that I had shown so much growth and insight in the letter that she was very excited about my growth.

Anyway, so, since then, I've been asking her over and over in different ways if she's ever dealt with someone who has the same issues that I do. She usually answers something like, "Many of my clients have some type of dependency needs on their therapist," or "About 50% of my clients have attachment wounds stemming back to childhood." I kept feeling like she was trying to protect me in some way, and not being exactly honest with me, so I kept asking in different ways. I wanted to know how many of her clients think about her all of the time, to the degree that it pains them when they aren't with her (Many of you know what I'm talking about, right?). When I would ask her this, she would talk about how I've had such a difficult year, and she would expect me to have big needs. Finally, last Wednesday, she told me the truth. She said, "It's rare." What a relief it was to get the truth.

On Friday, she called me to check in with me, which she does every Friday, and I told her "Thank you for being honest with me." Then, she offered more information. She said that usually she has one client in her practice at a time that she kind of considers to be her "special assignment." She initially called it her "Divine assignment" I think she meant that God told her that this is "the one", then said "special." She feels that this client needs a little more than the other clients. She gives this client a little more than she does the other clients. She gives me extra phone calls, she tells me that it's okay for me to call and leave her messages throughout the week, she returns my calls if I need it, she even wrote me six letters, one for each day that I would have had contact with her, when she went on vacation. She says she thinks about me and prays for me every day. (I often tell her, "Please don't forget about me," so that's why she tells me that she thinks about me.) She said that when she signs someone on as her "special assignment," she is signed up for the long haul, for as long as it takes. She also said that she doesn't take on anymore "special assignments," because she can only handle one at a time. So, even though there may be another person who might need it, she can't give it to them, because if she did, there would be nothing of her left to give, that is what she said. She said that for her, it becomes a special relationship, because she only has one of them at a time.

So, I am her "special assignment." Through explaining this to me, it made a lot of things finally make sense. I was pleased with the special treatment that I was getting, but I kept asking her, "How can you do this? You have a lot of clients." She would say, "Everyone has different needs." When she would say, "I'm not forgetting about you. I think about you every day." I would say, "But how can you think of 20-30 people every day?" She would say, "Everyone has different needs." It all makes sense to me now. I'm also glad to see that she has some sort of a vision with what she's doing, and she's not just driving this therapy based on her desire to connect with me or something. Because of what she said, I feel even safer than before. Somehow more protected, contained, cared for, loved, and yes, even "special."

Has anyone else experienced anything like this?

What do you think of it?