Yes Kmay, I can relate to what you’re saying here .

I’m not sure I could say I hate hearing someone say my name (someone close or who knows me, just as you describe) but it certainly makes me feel bad – I don’t know why or what the feeling is, and I’ve never really thought about it before, your post has just reminded me of being vaguely aware of feeling similarly and now I think I’m going to have to look closely at this to see why it’s such an issue.

Off the top of my head I can guess that it has a lot to do with the fact that I try not to exist as an object in other people’s eyes, because that would mean being fixed in external reality and that can only mean bad bad bad (my projections for sure, but that’s how I experience it all the same). And so my name being used is me being defined irrevocably as an object and that scares the hell out of me. Will have to think about this a bit more deeply to see what’s going on here.

Do you think your feelings about it could have anything to do with the way your name was used in the past? For instance, the tone of voice a parent or someone in authority could have used when calling you by name, or preceding punishment or something like that? I know I have that kind of connection – my name was only ever used if I was getting yelled at or called for punishment or being told off (like at school for instance…) Just a thought.

Funnily enough I can’t call myself by my own name either, if I tell myself anything, usually jokingly, I’ll call myself by my surname, which is such a mouthful it can’t be anything BUT humorous and ironic. But not the first name. Very strange. You really have me thinking now...

LL

I can relate too, Kmay. My mother would use my name as a one-word sentence along with a glare. My husband always calls me by an endearment but when he's being a jerk he'll use my name (because he knows it gets to me, so he's a double jerk then). I had to go to doctors a lot when I was little and I would just dread being in the waiting room and the nurse calling my name.

In person, my T doesn't use my name at all. On the phone after I say hello, he will say my name like a sentence but I find it funny then, because I'll say "Yes?" and then he says his name, like I didn't already know LOL.

So I suppose changing my name wouldn't help at all because it's the circumstances behind people saying it (whatever my name would happen to be) that bothers me.

~D.

LL, Debbye -

Thanks. Yes, the more I think about it, I think it must be the way it was used when I was younger. I think its normal for parents to use terms of endearment with their kids usually and then use their name (like first name and middle name, or first name and last name) when they are mad or in trouble. But you when the circumstance are different than just the normal "Kmay! Get over here!" b/c the parent is mad and its followed by a trauma, then I guess it makes sense why I hate to hear it. Its so strange how it literally makes me cringe and sort of startles me.

Debbye - does your T not use your name at all in person b/c you requested it that way or just because? I'm just curious. I want to tell my T that I don't like it when she uses my name but it sounds so strange to me to ask that of her. She usually just says it in conversation such as "You know Kmay...the reason you feel this way is b/c..." but everytime I hear it come out of her mouth I feel like I'm in trouble or like she is using it b/c she is mad at me. Its hard to explain. I feel like she might as well be saying "You know s**t-bag, the reason you feel this way is b/c...". Does that make any sense? Somehow, I do think that changing my name would help in my case...maybe I will look into that...

hi Kmay

I hate my name being mentioned in sessions. Every time he says it I flinch. I can't even use his name, if I am having a conversation with him in my head, I can't even say my name or his. He uses my name every now and again and I still flinch or roll my eyes. i hate it though and I don't understand why I cannot bear to hear my name mentioned in a personal way.

me me me me

Hey Kmay, sorry I took so long to get back to you but I didn't know you responded (hope you get to read this). I had a conversation with my T after the first few sessions because he always has to shake hands with me when I first get there, and I said I had always thought you shake hands with someone when you first meet them (but here he was doing it a month later) and I thought it was annoying. Plus another time we were talking about eye contact (as in the fact I don't use any, LOL) and I yelled at him that we were the only two people in the room, who ELSE would I be talking to! So I think he just really gets me now: why would he need to say my name if I'm right there in front of him talking. ~D.

Debbye,
Hitting the "Like" button. Funny!

Hopeful, yeh I get that!!