Thank-you Sarah, for your apology. It sounds like you've moved through some important insights here.

I also want to share with you that I think we might have all "crash" days and find ourselves in these regretful moments...however, it's a rare person---in my estimation--that stands up to say, "I think I messed up". That you've come back in this way, is awesome. Wow, what courage. It's this kind of stepping out to own our own stuff that really shows true character.

Take good care,

Shrinklady

Hi Sarah-

I'm really impressed by the humility and insight you found in this expereince.

I'm very glad that you did not lose this incredible being in your life. What happened? If you want to share....

Anger is definately a VERY difficult emotion to handle especialy for those of us who have been through trauma. I think I understand why but I wonder what biological factors are there since it seems to be something that people feel on one extreme or the other and often misdirect...

Anyways, Like shrinklady said, it's so true, we all 'fly off the handle' and behave in ways that aren't normal for us and to me, being able to realize that and having the ability to apologize for it is quite amazing.

Butterflywarrior

Sarah,
So glad you came back! And I'll just chime in with the chorus. One of the most difficult tasks in life is standing up and taking responsibility when we know we're wrong. Its an incredibly vulnerable place to be, especially for someone who has had the experiences we've had. So it was incredibly courageous of you to post this. Thank you for telling us. And BW is right, I know I've been there and certainly put my anger in the wrong place. The stories my husband could tell. So welcome back, it's good to have you here.

Thank you all so much for accepting my apology and understanding....I must admit that I feel so undeserving ..... BW....what happened is I misdirected my anger upon my therapist, but unlike Attachment Girl's therapist, mine pulled back, abandoned me in my time of need and gave my regularly scheduled apt to someone else....she said she was really impacted and hurt by what I had said....I collapsed to the ground in disbelief when I learned what she had done....I am still in shock....for some reason I sense that she is as well.....her reaction to my action was so uncharacteristic for her......I sense that there was/is something really deep happening for her.....She and I have been through so much and I thought that we had a bond/connection that could never be broken....she feels our hearts can heal from this.....and I am hoping so.....Shrinklady any words of wisdom??

thank you again Shrinklady, BW, and Attachment Girl for accepting my apology....it was one of the hardest things that I have ever done in my life...I have been blessed

Sarah,
You're welcome, we all stand in need of grace. I'm so sorry to hear about your therapist. My therapist did tell me that earlier in his career he might not have been able to handle this as well. It sounds like you have a really good bond with your therapist. I know it can be extremely difficult but you just need to talk through it, I really believe it can be repaired. Especially if you can both take responsibility for your part. I really think punishing you by giving away your regular appt was over the line. I understand your shock, our T is supposed to be there when no one else is and no matter how hurt she was she shouldn't have acted punitively.Talked to you, sure, expressed her hurt, but not retaliated. It sounds like you might have rammed in one of her issues. I really hope you can work it through. We'll be here.

AG

Thanks AG.

I spent yesterday just wandering aimlessly through several malls.....and today I keep collapsing to the ground sobbing uncontrollably and then throwing up.....and the cycle just keeps repeating itself.....I haven't experienced this type of reaction since my husband had announced to me that he had been seeing other women (we have been divorced for 10 years now).......I don't think that I can go to work tomorrow........or the rest of the week....I am hopeful that the pain of this passes real soon.....It took me years to get over my husband...

Thanks again for listening.

OMG Sarah, What a HORRIBLE experience!!!!


Like AG said, I think that some therapist, depending where they are in their own process really can't handle certain things. It's obvious that she was triggered on some issue that she hasn't worked on but Still to take that out on a client is really REALLY severe.

I'm honestly sorry to hear this has happened. I would hope she could realize that obviously she really has the problem and whole you pushed a corner, the issue was hers and she took it out on you by giving your appointment away, abandoning you, etc.....

Did she completely stop seeing you or is it kinda left unsaid?

I cannot imagine going through this. I had a not so great run with my therapist I just had however it's not like we truly got close and been through rough times in the first place so to have that sort of attachment and it all to disintegrate is mammoth especially considering the implications, triggering etc to your own past issues which you have been in therapy to deal with in the first place!!! Yikes!

The reaction you're having seems really 'normal in the face of this abnormality' and definately the way the body reacts so strongly to major emotional stress.

I really really hope that maybe the lines of communications can be opened up with this therapist again although it might not ever be the same but at least to have sme type of closure.

I really think this is definately her problem and not yoirs so I hope you arent blaming yourself....

Anger is a HUGE defense mechanisim.... i think its like "becoming a psychologist 101' that angry people comes from defenses being triggerd, projecting them on the therapist and so on which can often be a healthy thing to be worked out in therapy yet she took it person instead of realizing that you were taking out something on her that happened elsewhere... or something was triggered..

I dont know.. it just seems like something she could have recognized but again, the anger must bne something she isnt used to from you and somehow triggered her and she couldn't think in therapist mode but took it to heart....

I really hope she can realize this and you two can talk...

Anyways, take care of you and try and keep your routine as normally as possible..

maybe write her a letter if you feel able to??

Whatever the case, be gentle to yourself.. thats important...

Thanks BW. She and I have spoken at great length on the phone and are meeting on Tuesday. She did say she was sorry for hurting me and I do believe on some level that she knows what she did was over the top and hers to own. It will be interesting to see how our meeting goes.

I am blaming myself for this since if not for my actions she would never have been put in a place of having to react so harshly. I will try to be gentle to myself and take some time off work to help settle my overwhelmed nervous system.

I have read about your recent experience with your therapist - I can only have imaginings of how you must have felt and continue to feel. My heart goes out to you.

you might blame yourself for triggering her reaction but the thinbg is, if she had been dealing with her own issues on this or thought about it or whatever, her reaction wouldnt have occured...

In other words, your behavior in therapy is part of your issues, illnesses, emotional issues and why ytou are in therapy in the first place and it's supposed to be a place thats safe for you to express anything/everything so therefore saying that well if I hadnt did this or that than she wouldnt have that... but that was your process, your issues and what came out and it was her job to find out what was going on that was causing you to act or behave with misdirected anger since she is trained for this.

I mean people like us who are like strangers... we would get mad or maybe even your friends but therapist.. of course they are human too but just the same, it's their job to realize that anything their client says, does, etc is related to some emotio9nal situation that can be processed and not a person attack.. even if it s apersonal attack.. the reasons for the attack is ussualy something that occured and the client couldnt handle it and that was how they handled it and thus is more stuff to process if that sentence made any sense whatsoever....

I think Adrine, my therapist I just had once mentioned that in one of her training seminars, they had talked about clients that are like porcupines and bristle up because of internal anxiety.. that it's not that they are being intentionaly mean, antagnozing etc but that is the way they cope with their anxiety... it seems like this is kinda similar and somethingt that therapists are taught to deal wtih so obviously it triggered something in her but again thats her issue and is probably good ofr her own process and growth....

Too it's the level of maturity, abilities, skills, etc.. I think about my hterapist I fired..... Im about 99% sure that she was very offended that I fired her. She didnt reaact in a way that I could overtly tell but I could feel it and our last call just wasn't right. It didnt' feel right, it didnt go well while there ws nothing I could put my finger on directly to say was wrong, I knew that something was wrong yet clients terminate! That happens.. what's the issue? But she is a student.. she hasnt been a 'real' therapist long and maybe this was kinda new for her... i really dont know. It was new for me.

Interestingly, at least to me, when i gave in and called her b/c i was so desperate for some theraputic support and she returned my call, our conversation was incredibly productive, helpful and she even said things to me about our process together, how she felt I would do well and even offered to be a support to me if things were really bad until she left and NONE of this was said in our 'last' call where I let her go very nicely I might add but still let her go so seeing that contrast tells me for sure that she was offended and took it personally.

Maybe my calling her in the end let her know i really didnt thi9nk she was the worse person in the world but I have to say I had more closure with her from calling her out of desperation tha n I did in our so called- theraputic closure call so obviously there was a huge issue there... .

Anyways, Im really glad that you and your therapist have spoken a lot and plan to meet. THat's excellent and maybe this will really make things stronger... after all, you ddint just dump her after she did this to you cause I think thats what I would have done after being abandoned.... ugh... but again, thats cause i have majr triggers there and i dont know if i would br brave enough to face it.. i guess it would depend.

Let us know how things go and i hope you will try not to blame yourself much because I feel like what you say and do in therapy is part of the process and things like anger, even if projected at the therapist is a normal thing to happen to therapists so I mean what are you going to do now.. Be afraid to say something to her in case it hurts her feelings?? that wouldnt be healthy......

BW

Hey BW:

Thanks so much for your words of wisdom - much appreciated.

Hello Sarah, sorry to hear what's going on for you. Given the bond you have with your therapist it doesn't sound like something that I would have expected. In fact, it sounds quite out of place...totally out of character given how you've described her in the past (and my own familiarity).

So, let me run this by you. This has happened to me before and if it fits, well great, if not, oh well.

I wonder...as I have had these kinds of experiences with clients many times...sometimes we hear one thing and attach it to another. When we're in distress we don't perceive things as they are but as we "fear" they might be. In other words we have a tendency to distort what's coming at us.

Do you think there might be a chance something like this is going on?

Hopefully, you'll be able to get it somewhat resolved in your next meeting.

Take care, Shrinklady

Shrinklady:

Absolutely! Yes, that sure fits, and I take complete responsibility/ownership of that. However, I had no idea that my actions would have impacted her so deeply - my misperception/fear had me believing that somehow I never mattered. (Boy oh boy things can sure get distorted when anxiety takes over!!) Perhaps her reaction was an indication of how much I did matter? Nonetheless, she was completely aware of this insecurity in me and rather than talk it through it seems that she wanted me to experience as much hurt as she did - she was aware of how deeply her reaction would impact me.

That said, I believe that all things happen for a reason. Perhaps this experience together will bring us even closer - have a deeper understanding and respect for and of the other -if that is even possible.

We have had the most magical of experiences over the years and I cannot imagine my life without her.

Thank you so much for your response - I have again been enlightened!