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4 replies

Apprehensive about session

sdsdMember
Hi All,

Just a general anxious grumble about my session tomorrow. A lot has happened this week - I had a reaction to an email reply my T has sent me. My reaction was totally unjustified, but the mail triggered something in me and I can't figure it out. I told her I was angry. This set off a few bad days of self loathing and the rest of my maladaptive coping strategies kicked in. I spent the latter half of the weekend zoned out and switched off from my "head stuff".

I have NO idea what to bring up tomorrow. I feel like I am running in circles. I could talk about 20 different issues, I can't work out which is my main issue.

When I get there my mind goes blank and words fail me. I will take something written. Words and emotions can flow from me via paper or keyboard but speaking them - bla nothing comes out right.
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unbrokenunbrokenMember
SD,

I understand your anxiousness. I had a session this morning where T was like "If you are not going to talk, that's fine!" SO, I sat there for like 10 minutes quiet. I was seriously just anxious about talking to her about what I was going to talk about. BUT, I was also angry at her for not being able to be there for me like I want her to.

I find it easy to write things down too. So, that might just be how we process things better.. written communication. I have a journal that I take with me that I pull out if I get stuck. Do you have one, too?

Hope it all goes well. HUGS!
L lieseMember
Somedays,

You just described my weekend! How did you do that? I'm at the point where I am just so sick and tired of myself so I'm not going to be of any help at all.

Yeah, I definitely agree that writing things out is the best way to go when you feel so unfocused like that. But I always try to settle on one main thing otherwise I seem to leave feeling disappointed that we didn't get to something I wanted to get to.

xoxox

Liese
sdsdMember
Thanks brokenillusions and Liese. I was physically sick thinking about the session today. No idea why. We went thru a lot of things that have been up in the air - my reaction to the email, what triggered me, why I switched off (how the hell do I know how i do it - i just do it because I exhaust myself), we also talked about email contact and replying and a few other things. I said I felt like I had been put into a room and beaten up. I was exhausted, upset and don't remember getting home.

I actually asked for something I needed. It took me a while but I did it.

The best thing is that I have another appt on Friday. What I really need to ask for is 2 x sessions per week or 1 x session and an email or two contact, but I can't ask for that.

Thanks for your comments.
sdsdMember
Thanks DF. After checking in here today, I wrote her an email asking her about 2 x weekly sessions. i didn't exactly ask for it (yet) but asked her how do I know that i need 2 x and then I said that this week I am relieved because I have 2 x sessions.

Talk about dancing around the subject - why didn't I just come right out with it!!!!! Anyway - it will start a dialogue and then i will say something.

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