I came across this on the internet about boundary crashers, my T thinks I am one of these.
Feedback appreciated. Personally I think it is putting into therapy speak a normal responce of people in pain, we want HELP and SUPPORT and when we don't get it, we don't stop wanting. The need does not go away.
"Boundary crashers will resort to an array of manipulation techniques to get their way, such as guilt trips, sweet talking, or anger. Boundary crashers might even claim that you have a moral responsibility for taking care of them, claim that you don't love them, or even harm themselves to see whether you will step in as a rescuer. You might be tempted to compromise your boundary to make the other person feel happy and protected, as well as to protect yourself from the other person's anger or relieve your feelings of guilt.

But giving into a boundary crasher's demands has a downside for both parties. You'll feel disappointed and guilty, because you've betrayed yourself by sacrificing your comfort to make someone else happy. Repeated compromise also results in the boundary crasher never learning to be truly independent and self-sufficient.

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People who violate boundaries often share the same fears. However, they have a much different way of coping with it. Rather than giving into someone else's demands in order to win approval and acceptance, they take an aggressive role, throwing away their values and morals to get what they want. Boundary crashers demand satisfaction, much as infants and young children demand satisfaction with little or no care to what the people around them want or need.

The price for not maintaining healthy boundaries is steep, regardless of which side of the struggle you're on. Boundary violators' inability to function within social norms eventually costs them relationships, as the people around them grow tired of being treated with disrespect. People with weak or nonexistent boundaries eventually find themselves stressed out and drained, as they give more and more of themselves in the never-ending pursuit of love and acceptance.

Successfully addressing boundary issues involves a variety of steps. First, you must tap into enough love to be able to say "yes" to yourself. Setting boundaries is about self-care and self-respect.

Once you've chosen to make yourself a priority, it's critical to identify and deal with the fear that fuels your boundary issue. Without this crucial work, learning the mechanics of setting boundaries, such as the language to use when enforcing a boundary, will be ineffective and produce temporary results.

Boundary crashers will try to find ways around your boundaries, using manipulative techniques such as lashing out in anger, trying to induce guilt, or attempting to make you doubt yourself and your new boundaries.

Many people who attempt to learn boundary-setting techniques on their own discover that frustration and confusion are common side effects. This is not surprising, as breaking these lifelong patterns involves learning to interact with the world in a completely new way.

Guidance and support from a third party can be extremely beneficial as you practice your new skills. Options include programs that teach boundary-setting skills, as well as workshops that allow you unearth and address the all-consuming fears that drive boundary issues. Some people, especially those who have suffered trauma or struggle with addiction, may find that help from mental health professionals is particularly beneficial.

Walking through fear takes great courage. But the reward of greater personal freedom and more satisfying relationships makes the exercise worth the price.

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