going to try again:

And just one more time:

Dissociative Identity Disorder

edited to add that yeah ... this time I think I really did it!!! And now I can do that wave again.

I'm learning, I'm learning.

Yay, congrats for getting the link up!!!

I read that a while back, I think (reacquainting myself with it now to make sure, because I read SO much right after diagnosis, it is hard to remember where I learned what). But, I have read several articles that focus on early attachment issues and specifically d attachment as either an early predictor or source/origination of MPD/DID. It kind of goes along with my sense that the early and extended neglect (failure to respond) and emotional abuse was actually more the root cause of my current experiences, rather than the incidents of other abuse. Because, had I had attuned caregivers to respond to (or even NOTICE) that bad stuff when it was happening, I wouldn't have had to cope by splitting off my need for response, comfort, connection, etc. A lot of my early journaling, from before T even mentioned the word dissociation, deals with this idea of quarantining those needs. And, that's really how I see it, in a way. Like locking up a prisoner, because s/he is threatening to the rest of society, or isolating an infected person. Except, instead of being violent or sick, I just had normal needs that were depicted or reacted to as if there were either threatening or nonexistent. Anyway, enough intellectualizing here. Sometimes, I use that as a way to avoid actually working through my feelings and I'm getting rather detached discussing it in this way.

(((((YAKU)))))

I understand.

Thanks so much for posting this Liese! I don't have DID, but I do struggle with dissociation, and I found this article so helpful! It makes so much sense that attachment and dissociation are connected...

quote:

Alternatively, patients run from their attachment wishes by self-destructive behaviors or by dropping out of treatment. When they later reenter treatment, they commonly say that they felt they were "getting too close."

I have taken "breaks" from treatment, and my T has always supported them. I would tell her that I needed to take a break, or the pull to do things that were essentially therapy relationship destructive things, was just too strong. It was like taking a break before I gave my T reason to take a break from me. Behind it was this intense fear of being "too close." My T has said before, she saw it as a way of me "managing the attachment" ... I understand what she meant better now!

quote:

Early in treatment, MPD patients usually demonstrate either separation anxiety or detachment when a therapist leaves for vacation. I cannot recall any MPD patient who has ever been able to retain positive feelings over an extended absence without separation anxiety (the fear that the therapist will not return) or detachment. Many MPD patients find that they are unable to picture the therapist in their mind when he is out of town or out of the office. Some therapists have resorted to giving the patient a transitional object to remind her of the therapist during a vacation, but the ability of the object to evoke a sense of security tends to wane after a few days; in other words, detachment sets in.

That's exactly what is happening for me now. I was so anxious before my T left, anxious that somehow, she would not come back, and stayed anxious the first week my T was gone, and now that she has been gone on vacation a few weeks, the transitional object just seems odd, and totally doesn't help anymore... and I'm detached.

I'm going to send this article to my T. Thanks Liese!

~ jane

Jane,

I'm so glad you found it useful. I don't have DID either but am on the dissociative spectrum and so find a lot of stuff overlaps.

That really struck me too about the problems holding onto their T's during vacations.

Hope she's back soon!

Glad to see you are finally posting links Liese!


I could relate to so much of that article. What really caught my eye was the concept of chronic failure to respond by the mother. It's mentioned throughout....

My therapist said I have some form of DID but am still confused about the whole thing. We don't talk about it during sessions as i am in a 'feeling' state most of the time. Reading about STRM's integration experience has helped me understand it better. I'm finding when it comes to dissociation, clinical articles aren't helping me as much as reading about others' experiences although this article helped.

There are many personal stories in the Therapy and Dissociation sections of this site:

TWHJ - Abuse, Trauma, PTSD Recovery Support

I thought this might also be a helpful resource for people. There are a few therapists who regularly participate in the discussions there too.

Thanks Liese!

Thanks UV! It was only because of your helpful directions that I was able to post article. I sometimes think I might have some version of DID but I don't have the memory lapses. Maybe just somewhere along the dissociative spectrum. Because I definitely relate to a lot of the DID material. Although, maybe it's just all about the attachment injury - which is what that article said about DID and that's where the similarity lies. Who knows.

xoxo

Liese

While I don't understand the theory of structural dissociation well enough to comment in detail, there are articles which definitely express PTSD - BPD - CPTSD - DDNOS(type 1) - and DID as a series of levels (kind of similar to a spectrum, although I think it is meant as an alternative), differentiated by manifestations of apparently normal parts of the personality and emotional parts of the personality.

In my case, I do have a history of insidious time loss and still have bits there and there, but it is very limited outside of therapy since T started working directly with the parts. T has decided to use the label DID, but I feel like maybe somewhere along the border between DDNOS and DID would be most accurate for me, just because I don't lose executive control too much and when I do, I usual "witness" it, although there are definitely times when I go mostly fuzzy or completely disappear. That can be true anyway and still not be DID, I think. My T has said that his experience doing parts work the last few months has been utterly consistent and he isn't questioning the diagnosis, but I think from his point of view, what we call it isn't important. Rather, the fact is...I have parts that hold trauma and perform various roles in my life. They were once necessary for survival. Now they are maladaptive and interfere with my life. We need to bring their experiences into conscious awareness and integrate them, so I can live a full life, not one where I am so phobic of attachment, failure and specific triggers that I limit myself to hyper-controlled environments. So, whether it is CPTSD or DDNOS or DID, I think, is beside the point. Of course, once that argument is made, I go to, "Well, I'm probably just making up the parts themselves."

(((YAKU))))

What you say makes so much sense. I have been so scared to ask T to be more specific with me because I'm afraid I'm damaged beyond repair. But I think I need to know the truth.

I hate it when I invalidate myself like you are doing with your parts. My world feels so much more stable when I say, I feel, I felt. So much better.

Now I have a new question. Today I have decided that my ANP completely disappeared altogether, although it's coming back through therapy albeit slowly. Has anyone had that experience? I say that because the ANP is supposed to be the action system, the part of our personality that strives for attachment, etc. And I had completely lost the will to live. My ANP completely lost the will to strive. Maybe because it wasn't getting the results it wanted? Or the results one of my EP's wanted?

Oh, I'm scaring myself.

Well, there is this thing I have come across about a "depleted host" in some of what I have read and what you are saying kind of reminds me of that. I don't know if it relates as I haven't read it in a while. I myself did not strive for attachment, so I sometimes have a hard time related to some of the ways that ANP and EP are defined and don't find the distinguishing particularly useful at times. I thought the article you posted on dependency had the least narrow/restricted view I have read. ANP are supposed to be about daily life and mine are, but as that article said "fixated in avoidance of the trauma." For me, attachment itself is triggering and one of the things to be avoided. I don't know if that makes sense. I am just throwing things out here. I don't think your ANP disappeared. She probably just got really exhausted!!!

YAKU,

That's an interesting term. I'll have to look into it a little. You are probably right, she is really exhausted!!! LOL!!!