(((TN))))

I don't have time to read the article now but the table of contents looks amazing and very comprehensive. He covered the topic from just about every angle. So glad you found it. Maybe it'll help me get the courage up to broach the topic as well.

I read that article, I think, months ago when I first started wanting touch in therapy. I think I found it really interesting and useful (at least in making me feel better about having those needs). I would send it to my T, but I doubt he has time to read it. When we talked last week, he said he was going to call his professional association and discuss the term I carelessly used in a journal entry: "therapeutic touch." He is mostly concerned with the legal aspect of it, and of course whether it would be helpful or harmful in our work. He has done goodbye hugs with other clients before, but nothing else really. We have never had anything but incidental bumping into one another while looking through a photo album together. I think one of the reasons I'm not able to get out of the way of younger parts is because I feel the need to regulate those requests. Anyway, when T told me about his uncertainty around this area, he was kind and very much made it about doing what is professional and heard the confusion between the professional nature of the relationship and a very personal attachment/connection that is forming. I think your T will be very safe to discuss these needs with, especially as he already does some contact (like light pats, right?).

Hi Yaku, yeah he shakes hands and gives pats right now. Sometimes when I leave him I have such a strong need to make contact with him that I will shake his hand then put away my blanket and then go back and shake his hand again. He just smiles at me indulgently.

I do think that just about all of us here are not looking for sexual contact but for nurturing contact and there is a big difference. I do understand the hesitation on the part of your T but not sure it would help him to consult with his association as he will get the party-line of "no touch". That's the official stance but in practice many Ts do allow safe, non-sexual touch of some kind.

Good luck to both of you with the conversation.

TN

I feel bad for my T, because he said he is personally inclined to hug, but feels professionally restricted. The only thing he is clarifying with the professional association is the legal issues, I think, but they will probably say what you say. If I ever do get a hug, it will have been so much work for both of us to get there, it will probably feel a bit anti-climatic, LOL.

Edit: Just reread the whole article, LOL. First thing that really stood out is the distinguishing of therapeutically designed boundary crossings and unethical violations. What I found interesting in my particular case is that my T does several of these boundary crossings without worrying about the legal/ethical issues. He self-discloses...a lot. Well, the rest of the things he does, he has told me are things where the boundaries are different, because of my diagnosis, but for example, we're talking about doing outside sessions, going on a walk, getting ice cream or something. So, he already is kind of going along with what the article says in designing the treatment plan around his client's needs, diagnosis, identity, etc.
The thing I did not really understand about the article was its' statement that it is contraindicated in clients who request touch (either implicitly or explicitly). I don't think a client initiating thoughtful, patient discussions about boundaries and specifically touch should be some sort of warning sign. I have been discussing these boundaries with my T for months off and on and I'm still not to the point of actually requesting it, but I'd hate to think that my admitting to those needs is a reason within itself to withhold them. Also, as a dissociative client, he should use extra care with me, but I've already told him as much several different times, because that is what the ISSTD guidelines say. Such a complicated topic. I think what I really need to do, rather than asking about what he can/will do is discuss my feelings about these needs, which are so divergent across different parts. That would be the best step at this point for him to determine what is best in my treatment. But, it's also so vulnerable and scary as hell!