i think you're brave to ask the question. i worry all the time my T might die on me - and of course its not something she can ever promise won't happen. But I'm not brave enough to have the conversation.

my mother died when i was ten - it happened with no warning - a fatal heart attack - AS i happened to walk into her bedroom. It was the last image i ever had of her, her dying, in an incredible amount of pain.

so i am very sensitive to the risk of other sudden deaths - and especially for the important people in my life (like my T).

edited to add - my very first psych dr, whom i had for a total of 3 weeks also died suddenly - worse in that he wouldn't put me on anti depressants but then killed himself :0

what would you like to have happen in the (unlikely) event something did happen to your T? do you think you can talk to her more about it, come up with something that would be more 'set' in terms of you finding out?

i guess i would expect the manger of the centre where i see my T, to phone everyone and let them know, and arrange immediate support for clients … but if it were to happen on a weekend or her name was released via media (in a car accident report) there'd be no way of not finding out by accident anyway

I have this fear everyday because my first T (Whom I saw for over a year) died. I got a call from the receptionist and she offered for me to keep the appointment and see another T to talk about his passing. She was very kind and supportive. There really isn't anyone else I think that could notify you if not someone from the office. I can't imagine a family member having to call...

I've thought about what would happen if my T now passed away. I'm terrified. I don't know if I could ever see another T after that. I haven't brought it up with him but I know I should. When we first started having sessions and he reviewed my past file I told him that my previous T passed away.

Technically speaking (i.e. according to codes of ethics), T's are supposed to arrange for client records to be transferred to another T in the event of their death, and for this other T to notify their clients and take them on, at least temporarily in order to refer them elsewhere. In practice, not many T's actually make such arrangements.

I had this conversation with my own T.

It did not go well.

I think I triggered him and he found it very morbid and starting thinking about his own family and how it would leave them.

He only said that he assumed his wife would tell the directors at the places he meets with clients and those directors would arrange to have clients informed. Unfortunately, since he travels (two offices for clients and one for his groups), I think the files (or most recent portions in the case of prolific files like my own) of the clients he has in a given week travel with him. So, those directors would not really have access to the files without driving two plus hours to get them. And without contact information for any of his clients, I'm not sure they'd have any capability of informing anyone before they showed up for their regular session. T does mostly last minute scheduling and confirms in the last few days before your appointment, though, so I'm assuming his wife would just have to get the numbers of clients who are texting him to confirm when their sessions are from his phone and pass those along to another T. It would not go smoothly in any case.

This conversation was one of the only times that my Ts feelings seemed to really enter the room and take over, so I will probably never ask about it again. Obviously, I didn't think I'd be more affected than his family, but he made a statement to the effect that THEY were the ones who would be most affected (financially, emotionally, etc.) and I felt completely lame for ever asking or for being so connected and attached. Basically, I had wanted to talk about what would happen, and also how I would be allowed to grieve. It came up because a physical therapist in the office I was going to suddenly passed and they had a memorial for him that all his patients could attend. Being locked out of grieving for my T, except in a private (ashamed for him mattering so much and having no where to put that mattering) way would be massively triggering.

Anyway, yeah, this is a really hard topic. No two ways around it. Maybe you need to talk more to your T about it, not just about the logistics, but about the feelings of having to confront what to do with a loss of a relationship that isn't quite fully personal and isn't quite fully professional either? That's what I really needed...

I wanted to say thank you for everyone's replies. I will go more in detail when I can, I'm in a bad place... Not about this but just on very shaky ground with T while we work back out connection since vacation.

T yesterday said she does have a plan but needs to "write it down". She did talk about the ethics sorta general stuff they enforce or suggest. It's something she's been avoiding for whatever reason. She also laughed about mentioning her H calling people (since that would be insane).

I think I caught her off guard, and she was a little tired and I was super loopy from missing my Meds in the morning (my whole life routine has changed).

I feel better.,, I mean... The situation is going to suck if it does ever happen and really the logistics matter little.

I feel so far away from her right now, it was a really bad time for me to worry about this.

I worried a lot about it when I was seeing the T with parkinson's. I was also concerned when I knew she was retiring, because I would want to know if she died. Then I worried that her disease would make it impossible to talk or communicate and I would be a mess about all of that. Never did talk about it. Altho I did ask her after a doctor appt (which she had mentioned) if she was okay.

Before that one, I had a T/Pdoc who one day fell off the earth. His office didn't know where he was, none of his patients were notified. Never heard from him again. Wow - that was a trip.

Now I know that current T has some health issues. She knows I am concerned about being abandoned by her because of them. She tries to assure me that she isn't going anywhere - that all of her issues are manageable. Still . . .

-RT