I remember talking to T about the 'impassive face' and we discussed the merits of it and also of showing some feelings. My T explains it as a fine balance to keep it enough about the client, but also to show compassions and empathy. For me, the times that T shows feelings and emotions have been really powerful in helping me feel validated in what I was saying. When you have been badly hurt, sometimes you don't realise that what happened to you wasn't normal, and sometimes T's very gentle reactions have helped me realise that what happened to me was indeed wrong. She still manages to keep it about me and not her though

starfishy

I'll let you know! I'm about to get my first clients in the next week and will be video recording (with the client's permission, of course). My supervisor/professor will use the recordings to critique me and my expressions (verbals and non verbals). This is my second year of "T school". I will have this practice class this semester in addition to one other class. Next semester I will take two more courses. My final year will be working as an unpaid intern in a clinic under supervision and taking an internship class.

About the "impassive face"....my former T did that really well one day after I confessed something that I was rather happy/content about. She asked me questions and I couldn't read her tone nor her facial expressions. I remember her writing and listening, but I could not for the life of me read her. I was stunned! I usually could read her face so well. In my mind I called it her "therapy face". I'm sure it happened more than once, but this particular time was memorable. After telling my happy story, I told T what my sister had said about the same incident. T actually asked if she had permission to laugh. I was relieved and said, "Yes!" I almost said something like, "Please do something...I can't read you!" Anyway, T chuckled and made a comment that was validating. I was sooo glad that T's face turned from "therapy face" to giggling!

That's my "impassive face" story.

Thank You all for your replies.

Mallard I can imagine it would be terrifying the first time they video you! My T is not impassive all the time. There are just some moments that I really notice she is controlling her affect. We have been working on processing some CSA stuff. I really noticed she was controlling her face. I think when I looked up at her I expected to see disgust or revulsion that I feel for myself there but I didn't. I also though didn't see someone that wanted to care and comfort me. I know she cares about me. It was just confusing to me after the session.

Starfish I agree that sometimes her reactions to what I've said help me to understand how I should feel. She is quite animated and has shown definite anger toward my parents and some of the things they forced me to do. Things that I am confused whether they were abuse or about care for me. (Forcing me to do extreme diets or fast for weeks and months at a time to lose weight) Other times I look up and see that passive face and I'm not sure what she is thinking or feeling. I find it confusing.

Thanks Athanacus I figured with your active schooling this might be something you knew about. I suppose it must be difficult for a T to know when to reveal their own feelings about what they are hearing versus waiting for the client to express theirs.

I live in my head most of the time. I know my T sometimes has a hard time seeing what I feel about situations because I "report" about everthing from my thinking brain. We have done some experiential stuff and that has helped. We are planning to do some more on Friday. I'm somewhat worried because I believe she is planning to do something with anger which I have a really hard time with. I'm scared but trying to trust this process.

Thanks everyone,

Jillann

I hope all goes well for you, Jillann.

I live in my head also and have a CSA thing in my background as well. I have a hard time with anger too!
All this stuff worries me because I'm trying to figure out all of this stuff out myself as a client, yet I'm going to be counseling others.