Becca,
I think the best way to think of it is that everyone has transference. We all form an implicit understanding of what to expect in relationship that starts forming the moment we're born. Every human being brings that "filter" to bear on all of their subsequent relationships.

But someone with secure attachment is bringing healthy assumptions about mattering and getting their needs met, and healthy boundaries, etc. so their transference doesn't tend to cause distortions in their comprehension of the present.

People with insecure attachment however, have learned a lot of lies about relationships (I am worthless, love hurts, people fail you all the time, getting close is dangerous), so their transference is more problematic. And because insecure attachment, especially when coupled with long-term trauma, usually means the person carries a lot of unprocessed emotions, the intensity when their relational model is evoked can be very high. Hope that helps. Let me know if its not clear, this might be a good blog post

AG

Hi Becca

I echo AG's words (hi AG!) and I've struggled (and continue to) with these very same issues. It's very hard to delineate between past and present needs and our deepest relational fears and anxieties are going to come out with a T when we work with them for long enough. It can be a terrifying and excruciating process. But the transference in T helps the healing immensely in the long term and that will carry through to other relationships in time. Big hugs xx