Thanks Deepfried.
I shall just keep going forward, in this awful pain and disorientating awful journey.

Sadly, for what it's worth my newT's view on attachment is that it is healthy, and is a good sign. It's a developmental issue. If we never attached or had an unsecured or unresolved attachment as children we will yearn and search for that attachment as an adult. Attachment is biologically driven and part of man's way of surviving. If we didn't attach and seek out our attachment figures as children we would have been eaten. NewT understands that when there is an attachment injury patients will attach to their T. Maybe not everyone or with everyT but it does happen and there is no need to panic over it. I think eventually we should be able (if the T allows it to happen) to earn a secure attachment status and also internalize our T as the AF we never had. Then we are able to leave them as a child leaves home to fly off into our own lives as healthy functioning adults.

I'm sorry your EMDR T spoke those words to you ad made you feel triggered. You do need to keep in mind that an EMDR T is basically doing CBT work with you ... it's just a branch of CBT really... and they do not work with attachment nor do they endorse or even really understand it in most cases.

Don't know if you remember when I was seeing D after the abandonment by oldT? She was basically an EMDR T and she was the one who told me to attach to myself! That was when I knew I needed to run and fast from her. They just don't get it. When I told newT what she said he just laughed and said that would be a good trick... to attach to yourself.

So take those words from whence they come and save this discussion for sweetP or the other T.

Hang in there,
TN

DF, maybe branch of CBT was the wrong word and method would be a better description. And I am thinking specifically of Sadly's use of the EMDR T. She is not doing psychodynamic therapy with her and "usually" those are the therapists who work in attachment, also Object Relations T's are one who work with that as well.

Transference is also something that Sadly is experiencing I think with her new P and I'm not sure but I think CBT T's rather not delve into that area. Of course we all know that many Ts today are really eclectic and take a bit of this and that when chosing a modality to work in. They tailor their approach to what best suits the patient. STRM's T if I remember correctly is not an EMDR T she is a T who uses EMDR as an option if needed in the work she does with a patient. I guess it all depends on how much focus the T puts on EMDR in their work.

I guess Sadly needs to come back to this thread to talk more about the work she is doing with this EMDR T (who otherwise sounds so caring and kind). Maybe what she needs to do is go back to her to clarify those comments and talk them through. You just cannot tell someone not to get attached to someone else ... like it's flipping a switch. I hope EMDR T can appreciate the feelings that Sadly finds are growing for new P and be more accepting of them as normal and not an addiction which makes it sound like Sadly is doing something wrong or lacking in something. That is really the important thing here not the Ts modality.

TN

Deep Fried and True North,
My EMDR T is AGAINST talking therapy big time. She says it wastes time.
She is also an addiction therapist, which is why I suspect she sees my attachment to SweetP as a need, a fix, something I need to wean myself off. I was REALLY upset by her comment. I mean, really. I came home and curled up and felt so hopeless as I cannot just STOP what is happening with SweetP - I feel he hears and cares and listens and I am telling stuff that I have never been able to speak of and he just quietly listens and says helpful things and does not judge or label me, and I LIKE that, I feel MET. And that feeling, of being MET - creates a CHANGE in my very being, which fades at the moment within 24 hours and then I ache and pine in my heart, it is not a head thing, it is a physical thing. Oh, you know I have talked about it before here.
Funnily I said to the EMDR T that I don;t understand attachment and that I need a book on it, and she recommended 'The General Theory of Love" which someone hear recommended, so i bought it but have not read it yet.
The transference I am putting on SweetP must be the kind loving accepting parent that I never had and have unconsciously always been seeking.
He is not that, and I fear he is going to hurt me like the ex C did.
This is a terrible place to be, I would not wish my life on anyone. It hurts which ever direction I go in and I keep having to keep going as being stuck hurts too.

quote:

My EMDR T is AGAINST talking therapy big time. She says it wastes time.

Sadly, I pretty much figured this when I wrote my original reply to you. I didn't know she was also an addiction T and not sure how that impact you except that she "seems" to have decided your attachment works like an addiction and she may think that handling it that way with you will wean you off sweetP or cure you of this in some quick way. What I do find interesting is that she has read General Theory of Love which supports the opposite view on attachment than the one she has and that she would recommend this book to you.

GTOL is a fav book of AGs and I have also read it and we have both written about it from time to time. I also recommended it to newT and he thinks it's a great book and thanked me. Another very good book on attachment is Attachment and Psychotherapy by David Wallin.

What you are experiencing with sweetP is a developing attachment coming from feeling heard and cared for. And yes it lasts awhile from session to session but it's hard and elusive to hold onto. Sometimes it would last for me with oldT for a day or two or sometimes I would lose in within an hour. It had been staying with me longer and longer just before we had the awful disruption during the summer and then he terminated me. He was staying with me so strongly that I was able to handle problems and scary situations much more easily because I had internalized his voice and his presence and could go there when I needed strength or courage or perseverence with something that I was facing. Unfortunately, that is all gone now. I have no where inside of me to go when I need those things because there is now only emptiness. I have not experienced this same connection and intense attachment with newT. He is nice and smart etc but he is not warm and fuzzy which is what I need.

Your sweetP sounds a bit Rogerian in his way of listening and accepting what you bring to him. And yes that fear that he will leave and abandon you will remain ... especially in this case as I believe you only have a limited time with him. I think you have to keep this in the forefront of your mind while working with him.

I know you are in a terrible place and sometimes it seems that you are being backed into a corner and each way you turn brings more pain. I'm sorry I have no solution or answser for that except to keep putting one foot in front of the other. I know it's really hard and lonely and scary. I wish you the best.

TN

quote:

and the EMDR therapist informs me that my need for P is an addiction and that it is like being addicted to heroin and I need to learn NOT to

I don't think the kind of therapist (or therapy) is really the point here. IMO, the point is that the T made a serious judgment about your feelings and experience about your P, which completely invalidates your feelings and experience there. In other words, it doesn't seem all that helpful.

quote:

My EMDR T is AGAINST talking therapy big time. She says it wastes time.

Of course she's entitled to her opinion, but I find it odd that she would, again, inject a serious, sweeping judgment about anything, let alone a particular kind of therapy that you are in the midst of.

I know nothing about EMDR, but if I were to undergo any treatment that would supposedly unlock a lot of painful, terrifying feelings and memories, I would certainly like to have a therapist present who understood the value of talking about those feelings.


Russ

Hi Sadly,

I am sorry that you are hurting so badly. I can really understand why your EMDR T's comments stung. It sounded really dismissive when what you were hoping for was understanding and support. FWIW I think it's very strange that she would say what she did about weaning yourself etc., and then recommend GTOL. Because I have read it (with GREAT pleasure BTW) and IMO what she said sounds the opposite of what GTOL says. What you are experiencing with SweetP is EXACTLY what that book says needs to happen. I hope you can read it soon because if you are like me, it will really validate and explain what you are feeling for SweetP as something that needs to happen developmentally. And I hope you can share it with SweetP and get some understanding and support, too.

Take this next part with a few grains of salt because it is just my "take" on addictions...feel free to disregard it if you want to...maybe I'm right, but maybe not. I have struggled with addiction and have done a lot of 12-step work and a lot of reading on it over the years.

In general, I think we get addictions because we are looking to ease the pains of some really preverbal, basic, hardwired, visceral needs that didn't get met early on. And that seems to be supported in the literature.

And since starting therapy a few years ago, and coming across stuff on something called "love" addiction (addiction to certain types of relationships with other people), and then attachment, I've REALLY been interested in how attachment and addiction are related. And I've also wondered if they are the same thing. But I really don't think they are. I think that addictions, ESPECIALLY "love" addiction (which IMO is just another word for the "transference" or attachment issues that come up IRL and therapy both), are symptoms of the underlying attachment injury that needs to be healed.

And again, according to GTOL, what is happening with SweetP is exactly what needs to happen.

When you are feeling in a stronger place, it might be interesting to ask EMDR T to explain to you why she likes GTOL so much. But at any rate, I hope YOU read it and share it with SweetP so you can STOP feeling so terrible about how you are feeling. You need to know that what you are feeling is very understandable and just means you are alive and human and looking to get your needs met. You are doing exactly the RIGHT thing.

Just to give you a taste...GTOL describes "how" it happens almost exactly the way you did here:

quote:

Sadly:
I thought that the good feelings of being met, would join up gradually so that I carry round feeling met, as a state of being.

Here is how GTOL puts it:

quote:

Some therapists recoil from the pivotal power of relatedness. They have been told to deliver insight - a job description evocative of estate planning or financial consulting, the calm dispensation of tidy data packets from the other side of an imposing desk. A therapist who fears dependence will tell his patient, sometimes openly, that the urge to rely is pathologic. In doing so he denigrates a cardinal tool. A parent who rejects a child's desire to depend raises a fragile person. Those children, grown to adulthood, are frequently among those who come for help. Shall we tell them again that no one can find an arm to lean on, that each alone must work to ease a private sorrow? Then we shall repeat an experiment already conducted; many know its result only too well. If patient and therapist are to proceed together down a curative path, they must allow limbic regulation and its companion moon, dependence, to make their revolutionary magic.

Many therapists believe that reliance fosters a detrimental dependency. Instead, they say, patients should be directed to "do it for themselves" - as if they posess everything but the wit to throw that switch and get on with their lives. But people do not learn emotional modulation as they do geometry or the names of state capitals. They absorb the skill from living in the presence of an adept external modulator, and they learn it implicitly. Knowledge leaps the gap from one mind to the other, but the learner does not experience the transferred information as an explicit strategy. Instead, a spontaneous capacity germinates and becomes a natural part of the self, like knowing how to ride a bike or tie one's shoes. The effortful beginnings fade and disappear from memory.

People who need regulation often leave therapy sessions feeling calmer, stronger, safer, more able to handle the world. Often they don't know why. Nothing obviously helpful happened - telling a stranger about your pain sounds nothing like a certain recipe for relief. And the feeling inevitably dwindles, sometimes within minutes, taking the warmth and security with it. But the longer a patient depends, the more his stability swells, expanding infinitesimally with every session as length is added to a woven cloth with each pass of the shuttle, each contraction of the loom. And after he weaves enough of it, the day comes when the patient will unfurl his independence like a pair of spread wings. Free at last, he catches a wind and rides into other lands.

Big hugs to you Sadly!

SG

Sadly,
You already have all great answers; I just thought I would add my take since it is different from others on the forum. I enjoyed reading GTOL because it was simply an enjoyable well-written book, even though PERSONALLY I think a lot is fiction. I disagree with the quote that SG posted (NOTHING against you SG, simply don’t agree with the quote). I think love is completely separate from addiction and attachment, even though it seems like the majority of people in the world these days confuse love for addiction and attachment. My point of saying this is that there are different views out there, and attachment isn’t fact, it’s a philosophy or a belief. Sorry, I don’t want to say much more because I know stating my beliefs can cause an argument. I understand attachment, I have read lots of books on attachment (I’m currently reading Becoming Attached which I’m enjoying and recommend) and my T works with attachment, and even having said all that I don’t agree with a lot of it, just because.. I don’t know, it’s just my belief and philosophy on life I guess

Hmmm, sorry, it's a bit off topic but I don't know where else to ask. I don't know about the addiction and I don't really have an opinion about it since I am neither knowledgable about love nor addiction.

What I'm wondering, I might make a fool out of myself and present my very naive self and let me know if I have misunderstood something completely about attachment.

why is attachment such a bad thing? I mean, obviously it's not good if you become attached to a person you cannot 'have' and who you don't really know but what if that is the only thing that gets you through the day?

I'm not (yet) attached to my T or any other person, though I very much have the potential to. And still, if a person was nice to me and was to listen to me and HEAR me, well, I'd feel so much better and maybe even feel more capable of getting other things done in my life.
Isn't that a good thing?

oh boy, don't laugh at me.

Permafrost,

I’m not laughing! You have some really good points. Everyone’s going to have a different view, but I think that there is a big difference between having a secure attachment compared to a dependency or unhealthy attachment. Secure attachment would be the type that I think maybe you’re talking about- That it gets you through the day, makes you feel like someone is there for you, you have someone to count on (I expanded on your words, let me know if I’m wrong). A dependency or addiction to someone (a therapist) would be for example if you don’t feel like you can live without this person, you don’t feel complete without them, they are your only coping mechanism. Sorry if that wasn’t exactly what you were looking for, if you have any other questions or are wondering about specifics or examples I’m sure I, or anyone else, would be happy to answer!

PF,
I think getting attached to someone especially if you did not have secure attachment as a child can be a very healthy and healing thing. Human beings are built such that we need other people, we are SUPPOSED to reach out to others for find comfort and get our needs met. But if we carry attachment injuries, when we attach we often do so with an intensity that is only appropriate in childhood and can be too demanding on other adults. For me, therapy was incredibly healing because my T was willing to become my attachment figure and provide me the secure base I needed to both mourn my childhood losses and explore new healthier behaviors. I was very dependent on him for a time, but I believe actually developed to a point where I no longer needed him in that way, so I was able to leave therapy. But that doesn't change the fact that he is a vitally important person to me and very close to the center of who I am. The quote from GTOL posted by SG is one of my favorite passages in the book and I believe very much describes what happened between my T and I. The fact that I know that the relationship is still intact provides a lot of security for me. I don't need him anymore, but its really good to know he's still there. Kind of like your parents after you've moved out and are living on your own. And I'm not laughing at all, I thought it was a good question.

Mac, I'm really glad that you spoke up about what you believed. You're correct, attachment theory is just that, a theory. For me, the explanations in GTOL were key to my understanding what I needed to do to heal, so I tend to speak of attachment as an absolute certainty that everyone agrees about. Also not true, there's still a lot of research and discussion being done. I know it's not easy to speak up when you know a lot of people won't agree, it was very courageous of you and I thought showed a lot of respect. Thanks.

AG

quote:

Mac:
I think love is completely separate from addiction and attachment, even though it seems like the majority of people in the world these days confuse love for addiction and attachment.

No offense taken, Mac. FWIW I actually agree wholeheartedly with you on this. I don't even like the term "love addiction" because I think it's basically an oxymoron. But yes I do believe attachment is a real developmental stage, and when "successfully" completed or resolved later on, it opens up the door to being able to love others in a real way. So no, I don't think love is the same as addiction or attachment at all. But I do believe that unresolved attachment gets in the way of being able to really love. Probably my favorite definition of what love is (and what it is not) is in The Road Less Traveled. So I'm not sure if we're really disagreeing here...maybe I just wasn't very clear in my previous post...but at any rate I really appreciate your thoughts!

quote:

Frosty:
why is attachment such a bad thing?

Not laughing at you at all, Frosty...FWIW I don't think attachment is "bad"...as I've said, I believe it is a real developmental stage...it's just that to a greater or lesser degree, we all got less than what we needed from our parents...and the greater the deficit, the greater we go looking for it later in life, many times from people, places, or things that can't possibly fulfill the need...because there are some things we needed from our parents that maybe just aren't possible to get from adult relationships...so that is probably where attachment problems IRL become painful or hurtful or end badly...but in therapy, hopefully, we have a chance to set it right...others here have talked about "grieving losses" and I think that is part of the work to be done in therapy with a T who has good boundaries...AG has done this kind of work with her T and it is the kind of work I hope to have the chance to do with a T someday.

SG

quote:

Originally posted by Mac:
but I think that there is a big difference between having a secure attachment compared to a dependency or unhealthy attachment.

Oh this is tough… different kinds of attachment, I see. Let me think about what I meant
So attachment doesn’t necessarily include dependency? But those are very, very close, aren’t they? Isn’t it a sort of natural reaction to wanting to be around a person you feel extremely fond of?

Even if attachment can be unhealthy considering that the other person cannot really meet your needs or if you depend on the other person/T… perhaps having someone who leaves you with a good feeling once a week is all you need not to fall into a dark hole and feel all cold and lonely inside.

quote:

Originally posted by Attachment Girl:
PF,
I think getting attached to someone especially if you did not have secure attachment as a child can be a very healthy and healing thing.

Yes, that’s what I meant I suppose. If your needs for that someone special are met, then attachment is healthy, correct?
I have to say that I have never been in love yet felt a warm and fuzzy feeling toward certain people who have been nice to me. And it was always incredibly helpful to me. Of course I was heartbroken when those people weren’t around anymore (it was nobody’s fault, just time and distance) but when I think of them I still have a good feeling.
Don’t know about the parents thing, I don’t think I’ll have that but I understand how you feel with your T. Do you think it still could have helped you even if he hadn’t ‘dealt’ with your attachment?

quote:

Originally posted by Strummergirl:
and the greater the deficit, the greater we go looking for it later in life, many times from people, places, or things that can't possibly fulfill the need...because there are some things we needed from our parents that maybe just aren't possible to get from adult relationships

Can I ask what is not possible to get from adult relationships? I haven’t been in a relationship.
So basically our Ts have to be able to deal with our (inappropriate?) attachment/ feelings towards them and still maintain boundaries?
Then may I ask, what’s really the difference to transference? I mean people can’t really feel so attached to the real person behind the T-attitude since they don’t know them so one has to transfer feelings onto the T. Wow, this is complex.

quote:

Originally posted by June:
My attachment to him was ultimately unhealthy, so the outcome unfortunately depends a great deal on the skill and knowledge of the particular P or T.

Yes, okay, there is an example of bad consequences of attachment. I am sorry that you had to experience attachment as something bad!
But then again, it was his fault and not yours as in your fault because you were attached to him.


thanks for not laughing

quote:

My T explains attachment to me as working TOGETHER and trusting. Not being dependent on for everything but being dependent on her to fill in the gaps that I can't fill in myself (first part of this is accepting I even have those gaps, which... I'm working on ).

Oooo I like this explanation! My T has said pretty much the same thing but with different phrasing- I like your T’s explanation better though!

quote:

So attachment doesn’t necessarily include dependency? But those are very, very close, aren’t they?

True, and I think it’s easy to slip into dependence and mistake it for healthy attachment. What I quoted from DF above explains this I think.

quote:

perhaps having someone who leaves you with a good feeling once a week is all you need not to fall into a dark hole and feel all cold and lonely inside.

Yepp, and that’s a good example of having a healthy attachment. Unhealthy attachments would be being happy with that person and then when you’re apart falling into a dark hole and feeling lonely inside, or also not having a good feeling at all with that person and not caring or showing any preference between being with them or not being with them. And when I say “unhealthy” that doesn’t mean that type of attachment is “bad”, as long as you and your T are making steps towards a healthy attachment, and you don’t stay stuck in that dependence.

quote:

Originally posted by deepfried:
My T explains attachment to me as working TOGETHER and trusting. Not being dependent on for everything but being dependent on her to fill in the gaps that I can't fill in myself (first part of this is accepting I even have those gaps, which... I'm working on ).

quote:

There are other ways to attach that don't mean you are as dependent, there are different degrees, etc as everyone has been saying. It's on a spectrum and some people are at extremes on either end or in the middle.

I see! Yes that makes sense. Thank you DF. So it’s important that you have a secure attachment in order to heal and learn from it, yes?

quote:

Originally posted by Mac:
Unhealthy attachments would be being happy with that person and then when you’re apart falling into a dark hole and feeling lonely inside, or also not having a good feeling at all with that person and not caring or showing any preference between being with them or not being with them.

Wonderful explanation! So bad attachment would be if I felt worse after seeing that person and it wouldn’t give me strength, confidence or energy. Did I understand you correctly?

Not a general feeling of being worse... more of a feeling of I cant live without them. I know, it's complicated. AND this is only my opinion

As soon as I mention attachment issues, a thread really gets going !
Just thought I would report that I saw the P today and he is fine about my attachment to him and sees it as necessary and I was fine about admitting to him. He also said he would work with me throughout 2011 and we could review at the end of 2011 and see how I am. That sounds better than just a cut off. He did NOT say how many times: like each week or every other week but he has booked me in for next week, next Friday. I tried telling him some really difficult stuff - the stuff that came up in the EMDR session and I got a little way in.
He suggested various ways for me to try talking about difficult things, and he reassured me a lot. I actually got very tired as one of the weird things with him is that I am meant to have one hour sessions and actually he always goes over, and I really wish I knew before hand like 'Is this going to be a going over a lot' session or not?

We had two and half hours!

I was WAY too tired by one and a half hours.

But yes, it did seem kind of pivotal.

But it was way too long. I am going to have to say something to him about that.

Therapists! Some are way too strict and you are out the door on the precise last second and some are too vague.

I have that nice after glow of being heard and being met and being listened to, one human being there for another human being in pain, and it is a good feeling. I shall enjoy it as i know it will fade and I have the strongest feeling of it the evening after a session so not wasting it by writing too much here
thanks, I am going to type out many of the responces here and give them to him next week.

PermaFrost, Bad attachment is when one is using the therapist more like a crutch when you only need a bandaid, or when you won't allow the space for inner warmth and attachment feelings to grow somehow, but actually want the T and only the T being there can do it, things like that. Hard to explain. Good attachment is filling with the good and natural feelings of a human being being heard and met and then it eventually becomes one's own interior feeling and it is part of opening up to another and being vulnerable.

yes, I need to ask.
It also has the difficulty that I could learn accidentally that if I am in crisis enough I get more time. That would be a very slippery slope.

sigh.

She said she made a mistake and my need for my P is not an addiction but a natural reaching out for the hearing and being met that we do when we hurt a lot. And the fact that I carry it with me for a while is a good sign. And she thanked me for pointing it out to her, that there was a misunderstanding. and P also felt that what I feel, the gap and pain inbetween when the glow of being listened to and cared about and heard and met, fades, is normal and natural.
So we are all in agreement so far.

Sadly,

What happened to no tea T? Are you still seeing her? Sorry if I missed something.

Liese

No Tea T said that the dynamics between us were too difficult and that we should stop seeing each other. She sent that by email on Monday.

so my gut instinct on her were right - too detached and aware of the skills but not enough heart engaged for me. I might return to her in the future when I am not so raw and fragile.

sweetP (the sweet psychologist ) has committed to work with me through all of 2011 so I am hoping that will work with the back up of the EMDR person and my very occasional phone calls to my ex T of 22 years ago.

I am working well with sweetP- I am telling stuff and aware of some very interesting transference and projection too. He is very steady so far. He has 22 years experience of working with people (no tea T had only been working for a couple of years and seemed very much 'working by the book no matter what' whereas sweetP meets me as I need to be met, and yet has boundaries too. His manner is different too, very gentle and humble and quiet, and I feel he is SWEET whereas I found the no tea T to be a bit like the snow queen and she actually LOOKS like the White Witch in the new films of Narnia. Not good! thanks for asking.

Sadly,

I honestly think, based on everything I've read about no Tea T, that this is a good thing. She sounded cold and too rigid. And I am laughing when you mentioned the Chronicles of Narnia Snow Queen because that is totally how I pictured her already in my head from your previous descriptions of her. Cold, icy, and frigid. I am glad you have sweetP to fall back on.

Lady Grey,
thanks for that. I was seriously wondering if it was me.
Saw sweet P today and he knew I was revving up to talk about CSA that I have never spoken about and he was so gentle and careful. He first said that he was thinking about our contract and he would like to actually clarify it incase I had misunderstood (Last week he said he would work with me all through 2011 but he had always said he would only work with me once a fortnight, so I was a bit worried when he did n't say how often last week.)
So he starts saying how he would see me a bit more often whilst in transition from the ex C and that was what we did during October and November and December BUT (and this is where I start to feel panic feelings and get very upset but try and hide it as I KNOW he is probably going to say - "so now we go to once every two weeks" - ah - deep breath) BUt he says, he has decided that he will work with me once a week. All year. And that at the end of the year, it is not a CUT OFF, it is a reassessment and if I am having difficulty then we can continue.

I am of course thrilled by this. I feel supported.

but I also wonder "Does he see me as THAT bad, that is why he has changed his assessment of what I need?"

BEcause the NHS here is really NOT going to give you time and a free psychologist unless you REALLY need it.

I KNOW I am really exhibiting some immense trauma symptoms at the moment ... but even so...

Anyway, I told him about what happened when i was a kid around my dad and grand dad and that was just so difficult to tell and he was really good and really kind.

I did warn him that I tend to dissociate when it gets really painful, and that several things help to bring me back
1. eye contact
2. making the whole thing lighter,
3. talking to me as though I am my usual adult academic self
4. holding my hand.

He said he had never held a patients hand. I was a bit stunned by this. I almost felt sad for him.

Imagine having such a job and not being able to touch the other person's hand.

but I said 'fine' and he said maybe he would, it was all on a case by case basis.

He is sweet like that.

I am SO TIRED right now, feel like I have a dam of tears about to burst right behind my chest.

Oh Sheychen,

I am so sorry. Just this past Monday you got the email from no Tea T? It's so odd, all this therapy stuff. Finding someone you feel comfortable with and who feels comfortable with you. Once a week for a year is not so bad. Really good therapy could take years so don't be so hard on yourelf.

So glad you have Sweetp. It must give you a lot of comfort. Hope you can get some rest.

(((((HUGS)))))

So nice of you Liese to reply.
I am doing okay and resting and walking and swimming and doing lots of yoga.
I am well bonded to sweetP now, i feel I can tell him anything and that I can be all parts of me there and he is not only fine with that, he is gentle and caring.
It makes all the difference.
I find the gaps hard again but I can sort of feel his kindness in my head for nearly three days after a session so that is good.
I find that I have a lot of memories and stuff coming up.
much love to you in your journey