oh yeah, another thing to add.

My T had a vase of roses on the bookshelf in the therapy room today. It was right in my line of site if I looked straight ahead. It was bugging me. So finally I asked T, "Are those roses from a client?"

T said, "Some person gave them to me."

Do ya think!

So I say, "Well, obviously they are not from your husband or else you would admit that."

T...no response...except an annoying smile.

Why do I care??? Well, because no one else is allowed to be more attached to her than me, of course!

HOW DARE ANYONE ELSE GIVE YOUR T ROSES!!!!!!

LOL, I would have been distracted by that too, MH.

For a second there, I thought T was gonna let you move in. Damn, that would have been awesome to read about. Can you ask her again next week?

Hi, MH... I told my T the same thing, only in my case I told him that I needed him to move in with me. He seemed to take me dead seriously. I found that kind of unnerving, even though it was the truth. My T always assumes that I mean what I say, no matter what. This is really annoying to me. Helpful, but annoying. I'm glad that your T is honored that you would want to.

Ouchy on the roses..

Beebs

Hrmm...that one never occurred to me. Not sure my husband would approve, but if I could just knock out a few months of getting that toddler development taken care of, that would surely be nice.

LG, what do you think my chances are that she will ever say yes? She does have her home licensed for office use, but says she only uses it for "emergencies" and I guess I've never qualified. I'll tell you what, I will ask her again in two days and you won't even have to wait a week.

STRM, I am very glad to provide you with a little laughter. I think what makes it funny is the same part that makes it true in our lives. One of these days I'm hoping for new research to come out proving that having a live-in therapist yields the most remarkable results of all.

BB, yeah I kind of figured my T would take it as a joke, so I would have been unnerved by your T's seriousness too. Do you remember exactly what his verbal response was? I am not convinced my T actually felt honored. More likely, that is the safest line she could think to utter that would spare me direct humiliation.

Yak, (can I abbreviate it that way without offense?) that was my point, that by moving in we could shave months, maybe years off the total length of the therapy. I might try emphasizing that as a selling point. It's probably my best bet to win her over, just the thought of reaching termination sooner, right?

MH - Sure, abbreviate however you like. Yaku is probably more natural, since Japanese is phonetic, but I don't mind either way.

Let me know if you convince your T...and then have your T call mine and convince him too!

MH - you are inspiring! I have had the same wish since my 4th session with my T! If only I could move in with her, it would really exponentially speed things up in my growth. I am currently about a 3rd grader at my development, and at that stage, I definitely need my "mommy" all the time. Like that will EVER happen.

I know my T has a 4th grader, and I would love, love, love to be mothered the way she mothers her, only long enough to get me through childhood and adolescence. I too, have thought the fact that she'd only have to deal with me first thing in the morning and in the evening, because we both work! And it's the night time that is most vulnerable for me.

While I know moving in is not in my reality, I would love it if I could get a 7:30pm appointment every night during the week. Imagine, going in for my session, coming home, putting my jammies on and going straight to bed. Probably as close to perfect work time as I'd ever get!

Thanks for sharing - your courage is inspiring!

MH - thank you SO much - for this post. I smiled and laughed and you are right where I am and it was a delight having you be open and writing in black and white exactly how it feels. Agony isn't it!
I have no idea where I am on the age level - I might ask on Friday - about 8 months old probably.

I want to throw my teddy at my P at the moment as he is deliberating about whether or not he can hold me - and the answer is most likely to be no.

I did once have my therapist come and stay for five days. That was wonderful. Long story, she was not my therapist then, in fact had not been my T for 11 years but I was in a bad accident and there was no one to care for me as my dearly beloved husband just went out to work each day when I came home from hospital - so my lovely T drove 5 hours here and stayed and cooked and cleaned and shopped and kept house until I was able to move around a bit better. It was so lovely but also a bit strange - as I could hardly believe she was actually in my home !! She is amazing though. She just said, "well I am free for five days, I can come over if it would help."

I want to shout and scream at my P - and probably will do - on Friday if he says no to my request for holding.My littlest self does not feel very rational or calm about this at all.

so good luck and PLEASE tell me how we cope with this unbearable pain of wanting them. i woke this morning with it hurting so much and went for a long swim and still felt it, and went out to work, and STILL felt it and cried in the car on the way back and still feel like I am sick in my guts with the ache and wanting of him, like a small baby lost and abandoned and sick with it.



arghh.

but there MUST be a way through. Please tell me if you have ideas.
Being honest and open with them is brilliant. I actually told him on the phone on Tuesday that I cannot go on a 5 week course half way across the world in the summer as I will miss him too much and have to fly home. I felt so embarassed admitting that - and it is horribly true.

My P has kids - or a kid, I don't know what age, but I might pluck up courage to ask.

much love S

My T got all impressed last session by some childhood thought processes I was describing to him in a memory and he smiled and laughed about how cute I was regarding another memory. I wanted to be like, "So, do I pass? Am I awesome enough to be your kid now?" I would never have the courage for that...well, I don't know, I suppose if I am still there years down the line, maybe I could do it. I really can't see T or H being that patient with me, though.

MH thank you for your post, I love it.

I wish I could have a conversation like that with my T. Many times I have thought about how great it would be moving in with her, if I could just have her arms around me when I feel sad and lonely like I feel now, if she could comfort me with a hug when I feel I´m just about to give up.

A part of me tells me this is really illogical thinking, but the little girl inside me cries for her mum.

quote:

Originally posted by MH:
LG, what do you think my chances are that she will ever say yes? )

I don't know. Just keep asking until she says yes!!!

Sadly, ....what?!your T came to take care of you for five days???? I didn't know that was an option. I may have to throw myself in front of a bus and become bed ridden for a week or so myself. I wonder if T1 will come 1000 miles away to take care of me?

I love hearing how many of you feel the same way inside. I am also glad I am not the only one who has verbalized it!

Yakusoku....you are right, Yaku is better than Yak. One thing I've learned is to never say never in therapy! I don't know if its courage though that leads some of us to say such insane things and harbor such impossible hopes.

Hi Room2Grow, nice to meet you. So nice that you think I'm inspiring. That helped me not panic and hit the delete button.

quote:

Sadly, ....what?!your T came to take care of you for five days???? I didn't know that was an option. I may have to throw myself in front of a bus and become bed ridden for a week or so myself. I wonder if T1 will come 1000 miles away to take care of me?

Sadly, my jaw is as open as LG's about this, and I am tempted. But what if it didn't work? It must be tough for you to have had that level of support and now be faced with a P who won't even hug you.

BG, my T once said that she would adopt me. But I'm pretty sure she didn't mean legally. It came about when I suggested she adopt my kids to save them from me & my inferior parenting, but she just said no, that she would adopt me instead.

Moomin, welcome to the group. You sound like you're fitting right in.

LG, thanks for the encouragement. I'm afraid to keep beating a dead horse though, cause eventually she'll stick my nose in it and it will be an awful reality!

MH - I am loving that you have got us all admitting what we dare not usually admit to. I came home tonight and realized that I would LIKE to think of sweetP being home to welcome me like his daughter, ... what a sweet thought.

I guess I have met some amazingly kind people in my life who have met me as a person they admire and become fond of, they don't treat me like a number/client/patient so I am still finding P treating me as a patient with his psychologist way of doing things - really hard and de humanising. To be told that I cannot be held, hugged - this will hurt hugely and offend me too, as a human being.

good luck MH - keep posting, I am really interested in how you get on with this.

MH - so glad you didn't hit the delete button! This has been a great thread for me to read, and of course, so timely for me. I've learned that no matter how alone or lost I feel, there is always someone out there who understands cause they've been there too. Unfortunately, the only way I know that is by "talking" about it, which I rarely do - until this forum - so glad I've found it and everyone here!