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23 replies

Attachment styles

snsnMember
Hey all, hope this finds you doing well!
Kinda funny timing, but now that I'm at my one year mark, I'm wondering about my attachment style. I think I lean towards avoidant, but I'm not positive. Anyone know of any good test sites? Growing up, I moved a lot, and I definitely got to where I just don't miss people anymore, whether it was I that moved or a friend, even a close one. I just don't feel attached to people in general, yet I'm considered a warm and friendly person, and I do care about people a lot. When I first started seeing my T a year ago, I sensed immediately that something about this was going to be different. I wrote to him, telling him I was afraid of getting too attached to him, but alas, I realize now that it was already too late. So I'm attached to him, hook, line, and sinker.

I guess I don't like being so attached to him, even though I know deep down that I love him and I'm safe with him. But... What if he retires or moves soon? Or almost dies again?? He won't always be here. Frowner
I don't like this feeling, yet I know I'm in so deep, there's no way to stop being attached now. ~ sigh ~
Thoughts? Suggestions?

Blessings,
Starry
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snsnMember
quote:
By the way, if you are looking for a good on line test, this is one I tried - http://www.4degreez.com/misc/p...ity_disorder_test.mv

Thanks, Av! Wink
I did the test, and it said I was "moderate" in avoidance and obsessive-compulsive behaviors. Low elsewise. Those kinds of tests are so hard because I stink at self-appraisal and often want to just answer "sometimes" or "depends on the situation" - ha!

Thanks again!
Starry
snsnMember
quote:
IDK, Starry, but that sounds pretty good to me. I'd love to be that way. But, I guess it comes at a cost? ~Liese


Good point, Liese. Sometimes I feel like I have everyone fooled, because I feel so emotionless and empty inside even when they perceive warmth, but maybe I'm just not understanding myself very well. I used to break off relationships with very little feeling. I was once called cold, "someone who could just turn off a faucet of emotions" while the other one suffered. Idk. I do love people, love helping others and serving, etc., but I can walk away in a heartbeat, too. I'm not really sure what that means about me.
I'm learning about the emotional distance of my parents - both were emotionally reserved all my life, so perhaps I "gained" that from them, while still being able to SHOW and even FEEL fleeting warmth and love - just not lasting?? Again, Idk. One time, a dear friend moved away. We had been close for years, shared and did much together, but when she left, I barely missed her. Isn't that odd - cold - or what?
Thoughts?

Confused
Starry
snsnMember
Alright, couldn't do the test with BOTH my T and H in mind - my responses were too conflicted. So I took it first with JUST H in mind, and scored secure. Then I took it again with JUST T in mind, and scored 5.7 (out of 7) on preoccupied towards high anxiety. I can totally see that - he is ALWAYS on my mind!

Interesting!!
Big Grin
Starry
avoidantavoidantMember
Great test AG.
Just had a go myself; scored 3.25 for anxiety related and 6.33 for avoidance related - puts me firmly in the dismissing/avoidant sector. I answered as regards my W. rather my T. else the anxiety would be MUCH higher!!

At least my score matches my forum name! Smiler

A very good test; I'll do it again as therapy continues.
snsnMember
So... It seems like for many of us, our attachment style might vary based on the OTHER individual, as opposed to being set in one style regardless of who we're dealing with. I have a very strong internal locus of control (over 70%), so I guess I wasn't expecting that the scores and quadrants would vary so much based on who we're dealing with. Very illuminating!

Maybe this should have been obvious, but I guess I was thinking that if we're "x" then we're always "x", regardless of the situation, but it really does seem fluid. Hm!

Hugs and thanks all,
Starry

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