Last Friday I told my T in no uncertain terms that I have a very strong emotional attachment to her, as I have tried in the past and have been either dismissed or misunderstood. It felt like she finally heard me, and I left the session feeling really good. However, in her attempts to understand where this attachment comes from, or maybe (I think this is more what it's about for her) who I am transferring or projecting onto her from my past, my T wants me to make a comparisons list between my mom and a female teacher I was very attached to in junior high and high school and then another between my husband and my physical therapist who I became strongly attached to this past year. I am also going to do one between my dad and my husband. I am supposed to be comparing their similarities as well as their differences.

I am so strongly attached to my T that it's seriously affecting my life. I'm on meds for OCD because it's that bad. I have always kept to the boundaries with her and am in a good place with her because I've learned all about the pain that comes from not keeping boundaries, etc. I have an ongoing relationship with the teacher still and I haven't been in jr. high for 21 years, so these relationships in my opinion aren't transference. They are real attachments, and there were two other teachers besides the one I am going to do the comparisons for. They were all special women in my life that influenced me for good, that helped me learn things about myself that I didn't see through any other means, and they gave me things I needed during times in life when those needs weren't being met at home. The same could be said about the physical therapist and my T, too. I feel more than a desire to have "needs" met from these people. I genuinely care about them, their past/story, what makes them who they are, what their passions are in life, etc. I don't lose interest in them once they've sort of drifted out of my life for a while. They remain important and significant people in my life and hold a special place in my heart indefinitely, so it seems. In fact I still love my first grade teacher who meant the world to me, whose pet I was, and who loved me back. I'm sure this all sounds really weird, but this is why I'm struggling with my T's assignment. I feel like rather than accepting my feelings for her as genuine attachment, she's looking at them as a transference from the past, like my mother or someone. In fact, she asked me if she reminded me of anyone in my past or present life, and I really don't think she reminds me of anyone I know. That's what I love about her. She seems like a very unique woman, with all of the qualities that I would love to have for myself. I see a lot of her traits as those that I regard as "ideal" for women to have. She's in her mid sixties, has raised five children, has a successful career, a successful marriage (I assume), an awesome personality, great self-esteem, self-confidence, a kick-butt attitude about life, etc. I just like her.

So what I'm wondering is, is it just me, or is there a difference between an attachment and transference? I think there definitely is, but I'm wondering if she does. Of course I can ask her this next Friday at my session with her, but I am wondering how helpful (or even fruitful) this assignment will even be. I mean, it's not like I go through life thinking, "Oh, Anne reminds me so much of my mother because she does this or that, I think I want to be her friend." How am I going to really compare an apple and an orange? Ugh!

Another issue I have is that my T offered to help me feel more connected to her by calling me during the week that I don't have a session with her. At first she offered to call me 2-3 times a week, but that freaked me out because I was afraid I would get even more attached and dependent on her to the point that I couldn't live without her. So she suggested maybe just on the off week. We decided to try it out. So she called me and got my voice mail on my cell phone. I wish I hadn't given her my cell number. Anyway, her message was about 20 seconds long with no hope of her calling back. She said I could call her if I needed anything, so I called and left a message and she called me back. It was a huge relief to hear her voice, which I hadn't expected to feel. But now I want to hear from her more (which is what I feared would happen). So now I don't know what's going on with me. I feel like a needy little toddler who wants my mommy. So--transference, or attachment? What do you think?

MTF