attachment vs. transference

closeddoorsMember

i stumbled across this and thought it was a really good description of attachment vs. transference. it spoke to me, anyway. this was on a forum at psych central with a little bit of editting on my part:

quote:
Transference is putting problems onto the therapist to be worked out. for example a client feeling like the therapist is acting like their abuser when the therapist is trying to get the client to work on a problem. then in the process the client lets the therapist know by saying something like "you're just like so and so"

Attachment is caring about the therapist, thinking about the therapist, dreaming about the therapist.

The way I keep the two straight is with the saying -

I am attached to those friends and significant others in my life.

and also - transfering means moving something - a lamp from a desk to a stand. a paper from the notebook to the table. (CD adds: an emotion from a parent/sibling/teacher/boss to the therapist)

and transference is moving a problem from me to the therapist to work on it.

to give full credit, Anonymous29319 wrote it. personally, i think it's a rather brilliant analogy.

my transference is/was largely negative (and i liked the dude! figure that one out!). transference IS a bitch, but it can be an amazing learning experience, too, if you work it right.

p.s. oh, i just wanted to point out the part where it says "then in the process the client lets the therapist know by saying something like "you're just like so and so"" ..... because that's the ONLY way we're going to work this shit out. this just happens to be an epipany for me, and i've known about transference for about 2 years now! okay ... i'm a slow learner!

6/14/137:31 PM

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muddMember

But what about sexual or erotic transference? Is it really attachment?

6/14/137:37 PM

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closeddoorsMember

i surely can't answer that, as what i experience is more of a paternal transference. i think it is transference, maybe a longing-for type of transference? i know it's scary, but i think the best one to talk to about it is your T. sorry if that's not the answer you're looking for, and good luck. see above quote: "then in the process the client lets the therapist know by saying something like "you're just like so and so"" or maybe in your case it be more like "i wish so and so had been more like you" ... something like that?

also, from what i gather attachment and transference are two different beasts. attachment is a genuine fondness and caring for another, whereas transference is misplaced feelings from one person (probably a mother or father or some other "care-giver") to another (therapist). for example, my folks were very dismissive of me, so i unconsciously bring that transference to therapy with me and i believe that my T is dismissive of me, even though he does not display that type of behavior. he is an authority figure much like parents are, and i automatically (unconsciously) think that his responses (or non-responses) will be just like my parents. does that make sense?

also, i've heard that transference can be a "longing for" what was not experienced. i'm thinking that maybe that's what you're experiencing? i remember about a year into therapy a very strong longing that i could not put my finger on. looking back on it, i think it was a longing that he was my dad, because he listened to me and accepted me and didn't toss me aside. he made me feel important. i don't know if any of this is helping you to understand. i hope it is. and i hope you talk with your T about it, cuz the opportunity for growth here can be pretty amazing, i think.

take care, mudd!

6/14/138:22 PM

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muddMember

Thanks CD I always thought those 2 words were interchangeable. Now I'm starting to understand it a bit more. My one T @ home is an attachment specialist,but I haven't started any work w/her yet. Soon enough. At least ill know what I'm talking about.
Thank you for the post.
Mudd buckets

6/14/139:14 PM

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tasMember

Closed Doors

Could you post the link to this particular thread at Psych Central? I would like to read it but have been unable to find it...

Thank you,
Teresa

6/20/134:17 AM

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summerMember

quote:
i remember about a year into therapy a very strong longing that i could not put my finger on. looking back on it, i think it was a longing that he was my dad, because he listened to me and accepted me and didn't toss me aside.

Hi CD,

Did you talk to your T about this longing last year? If you did, how did he handle it and did you feel better after revealing this to him?

I've been able to reveal my feelings, my attachment, for my P and he was accepting and reassuring that it was normal in therapy, but I've been struggling with this awful longing for something that I'm not quite sure of. Most likely it is paternal, but it almost feels that I long for him to be my friend and have a more "normal" give and take sort of relationship, which I know isn't possible.

I tried to bring this up a few weeks ago and he misunderstood, thinking that I'm struggling with self-esteem due to being in therapy, and didn't realize I'm feeling pain due to my feelings for him.

It's hard,
Summer

6/20/134:50 AM

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closeddoorsMember

TAS, here you go:
http://forums.psychcentral.com...out-therapist-2.html

Summer, i wrote it up in an email and sent it to him, he acknowledged it but that was about it. i've read on here how others had similar things happen after sending a note. i suppose he figured if i needed to talk about it i would. i never talked about the paternal part of it. i know i should have. maybe i'll get there one day. i'm sorry for your pain, because i know it can be excruciating. since you're having the discussion, why not bring it up again and try to clarify for him what it's like for you. good for you for being brave enough to talk about your attachment and longing, that is a huge step!

6/20/133:40 PM