Hi AG,

Wow. Thank you so much for sharing this, it is really powerful. I have also felt the same about wanting/getting attention. And I've said before how one of the most hurtful things my mom would say to me growing up was how I was just trying to "get attention" as if I was doing something wrong. This explains why it hurt so much. Thank you once again for sharing the wisdom that comes from you and your T. It is helping.

SG

(((AG))) Thanks for sharing. This is very similar to things my own T has told me in regards to my self-accusations about attention-seeking. He really normalized it as something that is normal to want to experience. He also said he was glad I was getting more comfortable asking for and receiving attention from him, that he never felt manipulated by my need for it, that wanting it was not at all wrong, and that giving attention where it was wanted and needed was something he felt very positive about doing. I am still struggling with a lot of "does not compute" messages on this stuff, though. It's good to have it reiterated from elsewhere.

Thanks and hugs to you, AG. I too just saw my T and your insights prompted me to write my own post. It has been a long time since I've done so, so thanks for the push. Lots to get strait in my head,- and yeah, attention is a big part of it. not so clear about it yet.

Thanks for sharing this AG. I get like this in session. Throughout my therapy journey, I've periodically felt guilty/silly for telling my T things that have gone on in the week. I sometimes don't know what to tell her. I think that whatever I say is to do with attention-seeking which is bad and manipulative. Although my reasoning with it is also 'Does my T really want to hear all of what I do? Doesn't she only want to hear things that are relevant to therapy and not my own personal interests or hobbies?'. She said once that I can say anything in session and often, it's the sharing of interests/hobbies/ etc that may reveal a lot about how I operate too. Sometimes I want to sit down and say nothing because my reasoning of 'It's attention-seeking' is bad. I showed her a piano piece I made once and I still feel very embarrassed/ashamed to have done so, even though it was 5 months ago. I wish it were wiped off memory. I'm sometimes convinced that I'm an full blown narcissist..

(((((AG)))))

So glad your T was able to make you feel better about feeling good about yourself and feeling good about getting attention. My childhood was like SG's in that everything was done just to get attention and that was a bad thing. Too bad there were so many emotional needs being ignored.

I've thought about attention a lot because of the way my Dad especially had such negative feelings towards wanting attention. And so, at a certain point, stopped feeling like it was a bad thing to want, unless, of course, it was at someone else's expense or I developed a dependence on the attention. But doing something well and getting external validation and affirmation? I just don't know how anyone could be a productive human being if they didn't at least some of the time get positive feedback. To know that you're worthy. You're important. You do good work. All that stuff. We all need to know it.

I totally relate to being afraid to trust something good because you will lose it. It seems to me that anytime I felt good about myself, someone in my FOO came along and pulled that rug out from under me. It's difficult now learning to trust that the ground won't fall out from underneath me when I step on it if I dare take in something positive about myself. Like, those good feelings you had from being complimented, as if taking them in someone would cause the floor to fall out from underneath you? I don't know about you but I spent so many years putting myself down in order to make someone around me feel good. Sometimes I almost feel like I'm betraying someone by feeling good about myself.

Sometimes I think that if I feel good about myself then it will mean that I will look down upon the other. And then I feel guilt and shame. As if I need to feel "better" than someone else in order to feel good about myself. And there is something bad about that. There is something about that that I don't like, wouldn't like about myself. I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. Maybe just that I get how scary it can be to feel good about ourselves. It reminds me of this quote:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, “Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?” Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others." -- Marianne Williamson

xoxo

Liese

This was the topic in my last session which was 6 Dec. I have not posted about it because it was very emotional...maybe I will in the sensitive issues. It was tearful but then we cracked jokes about stuff so there was lots of laughter too and some more tears mixed in. Next week we will probably explore reasons but again it will be last appt. for another month. I wanted to share with everyone because I wanted to hear thoughts but also because I see many of us feel a lot of guilt and like we're immature. I assume it is the lack of feeling heard as a child...is for me "I believe". Anyways, this is not a good time but later I may.
Hopeful