Dude:

Is your therapist available to you by phone and/or email? Kewl if therapists could be available by both....

Sarah

Well that's an interesting question Dude. It really speaks about the boundaries that therapists keep. It's good boundary keeping that I feel help us heal. How can a client learn to maintain boundaries (clients often come to therapy because of boundary violations) if the therapist doesn't model it?

So off hour availabiltiy in my view should be kept to a minimum. Therapeutically, it's best this way. This unconsciously challenges the client to bring their stuff to therapy, not to have their issues surface in crisis moments away from therapy.

During crisis periods many--not all--therapists choose to be available (email or phone call). If the crisis periods are a regular occurrence (i.e. lots of emails or phone calls) then the client should be encouraged to come in more often and / or required to pay for this time. Other professionals do the same (i.e. my accountant charges 15 minutes of her time for every phone call whether or not it reaches the 15 minute period. If it goes over, that's more money.). This fee is another way the therapist maintains the boundaries.

There's tons more that could be discussed about this subject. A lot of what goes on in psychotherapy from a process point of view--at least in my view--is about boundaries.

Of course, other therapists may have different ideas on this subject.

Hopefully, food for thought,
Shrinklady

Someone on a list i'm on is concerned because her therapist is annoyed at her insider teen (teen alter)for phoning her at home so much! I'm wondering why she even has the T's home phone number.

Some of our littles (inside kids) want to know where our T lives (to make sure the neighbourhood is safe etc). She assured them it was, and also it's not their 'job' to keep her safe. I think boundaries with 'littles' are very tricky!

We have weekly phone check-ins with our T. This cuts down us phoning at other times during 'crisis'... ok... usually it does!

However, a weeks holiday seems a long time without a T for us! Tricky I know... everyone needs holidays. But if the 'time of year' is especially hard, it's doubly hard when your T is away!

What about 'touch' for us dudes? What is appropriate or not when you have a female T? I know my particular situation is a bit different, but I'm still a 'dude'! Our T will sit with the kids (littles) and rub their backs ... but not with this dude...

Sometimes I desire a bit of a 'touch' too!

Dude

"This unconsciously challenges the client to bring their stuff to therapy, not to have their issues surface in crisis moments away from therapy"

I'm not sure what this statement means. Isn't a part of what we do in therapy is learn how to deal with'crisis' when we're apart from the therapy situation? If our 'issues' do NOT surface away from therapy but only while we are in the therapy session, how does it help us in our 'every day life'?

However, our therapist has challenged us to put things 'in a box'... that is, rather stored away until we can deal with it with her in therapy. Mostly this is done with the 'littles' in the system, or when the system as a whole is getting overwhelmed.

Maybe both are needed?

Antoni
ps and Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays!

Hi Antonio, I understand why you may be confused. I certainly was when my therapist was first explained it to me. Yes, for sure, therapy is about becoming more resilient so you can manage life better--and be happier. As you proceed in therapy, and you show up for your regular appointments, your body is primed for this. Over time, your nervous system will learn that your therapist's office is a safe place to open up, to be vulnerable. This is why I often recommend to my clients to come at the same time .

It doesn't mean there won't be "crises" away from therapy where you seek out the connection of your therapist. But, if contact in between sessions is repeated too often, it can backfire. With repeated contact in between sessions, you never learn to tolerate the time in between. Learning to tolerate distress between sessions is what growing in therapy is all about.

It's deeper than this...you see what you're learning in between is to call up from memory the soothing tone of voice, the caring words of your therapist. This is calming for us. Over time, this will get integrated into you more so it's part of you. Eventually, you access this resource automatically. It goes with you every where you go.

Keep in mind that all this takes time...depending as you have probably heard me say before...the earlier the trauma and the more the dysregulated the nervous system, the longer it tends to take to establish a settled feeling during times of crisis.

Shrinklady

Thanks for the explanation...

"the earlier the trauma and the more the dysregulated the nervous system, the longer it tends to take to establish a settled feeling during times of crisis."

We have memories of when the body was under a year old! Guess that's rather young for trauma to happen... most of these memories are 'body memories' or 'images' not entire situations... but I suppose that's how memory works in kids.

Antoni

my therapist doesnt do email because of the place she works for doesn't allow it. I think this is stupid... lol. At the Uni, it was like this as well adn I do understand but my therapist there allowed me to because she understood that it was a way that helped me communicate better at times... My current therapist is only in her office 3 days a week but says she will make efforts to call you back when she is in her other office and the few times I have done so, she has called me. During holidays, one time, she said she will check her voice mail a little and another time, she said she wouldnt be availiable at all however her supservisor would be covering for her as long as it wasn't a major crisis. My therapist at school was the same way.. when she was out of town.. the head of psych services always said I could call. I don't know what the general rule or way they handled everyone was. I don't know if this is what they did for me or what. I really think it varries according to the situation...

I'm not a therapist.... i hope to become one.... my current thinking is that... if i were a therapist... I would be avaliable by email and my office phone .. never my home number.... holidays... no way unless I felt vewry compelled for a particular reason or person and there werent other options... I would never promise to return emails but accept them...

I think everyone deserves personal space no matter how compelling a persons situation is... a client who can't deal with that might be connected to the past and that has to be dealt with but I think therapist have to take care of themselves in order to be able to help others...

of course not being in the situation.. I can't say how it would really be if I were in the situation but at least this is how I project my feelings to be

I really respect my therapist way of handeling things... I really appreciate that they have made themselves availiable or an alternative if they werre going to be gone for an extended time and as one of my therapist said to me re. a friend I had calling me a lot was that sometimes not calling back was good because it allowes the person a chance to think for themselves and try and come up with ideas vs just automaticaly coming to you! lol.... Anothwer one of my friends had a therapist who would let her call and vent on her voice mail and only if she called a 2nd time would she call her back knowing it had to be REALLY seriouys for her to call again but that was something they had worked out among themselves that I thought was pretty cool..

anyways.. just my 2-3 cents