i know AH is taking a break from the forum also, so I'm sorry to add threads... no one needs to respond i just needed to say because im usually around a lot.

im not doing okay - im very much safe, very much have good things coming up but... not okay.

i have my parents visiting as of tomorrow, school exams while they are here, some disappointments and self hate issues that are boarding severe that are exhausting to address, and im overall unable to concentrate, remember one day/one thing from the next - it's like my world or each second within it has no context to the one before or after (i've been working with my ts so no worries here, because my sessions feel 10yrs apart and again not connected, not remembered). my entire team (2 t, 1 p) are basically encouraging me to dissociate and check out the next week or so (i can't do that on purpose but it's already coming). i'm on a high dose (temporarily) of a medication that my p said will help me 'not be there' (um triggering, but she was concerned - anyway it makes me spacey too and she said i may have trouble finding words and... that's been true). i am also steeped in mental confusion about the big picture in my life/healing.

after all of this.... i get to go on vacation , so i won't be around (much) then either until december.

i'm already streaming tears writing this, just like i was with my math homework last night... my affect control is not stellar. that said, i can't reliably communicate right now. i will pop in here to let you guys know im alive. any prayers/luck/ju ju/magic/happy/energy/love will be much appreciated. i'll be around until afternoon tomorrow.