quote:

Right now I think he's pretty wonderful. I hope it lasts.

And right now I think YOU are pretty wonderful. And I know that will last!

TN, I've got to admit I shed a couple of tears over your account of your last session.

This is hard, hard, brave work you're doing. I am so impressed that you stepped forward and named what has been hurting you so much and that your T was able to listen without being defensive and hear you.

The snake tank analogy was brilliant. I think you really managed to encapsulate your experience in a way that left no doubt as to how badly you've been hurting.

I'm a bit blown away!

(((TN))) you're very brave. Thank you for sharing how things went. I hope you will continue to open up to your T, a bit at a time, and take in the truth of safety and connection you have there.

(((TN)))

We have all been preconditioned to let things go. Let it go. Move on. But here, you have shown us that letting things go is not always in our best interests nor is it necessarily the path to intimacy. It doesn't matter how anyone else felt or feels about it. It doesn't matter if it was 100% rational or irrational. It was/is important to you. You are 100% entitled to feel the way YOU do. You expressed it all so well. He listened. He may not have wanted to hear you initially because identifying with you on this matter means that he might have to do something about it or at the very least acknowledge that it is hurting your therapy. Getting over it was in his interests but not yours. Now it seems you feel heard and taken seriously. You feel important to him. The way it should be in intimate relationships.

Brava and bravo!

Hi TN,
I am sorry too if my posting saying that I wouldn't find my T's H a threat was in any way undermining to your difficulties. I know what a struggle you have and I am sorry if that big trigger for you felt like it was not being acknowledged
Know too that you were incredibly brave and articulate today and I am glad you walked away feeling his care for you, which is not dependent on anything you may say or do but just on you being you.

fishy

Jones and Starfishy, please don't apologize for anything you wrote. Your posts were perfectly fine. I just wanted to clarify why, in my particular situation, that I was so reactive to having a T's spouse in the next office. I understand that many who do not share my background and experiences would have little problem with this.

Thanks PF... I am trying to hold onto his care. We still have a lot to process but at least the door is open now and we can hopefully move ahead.

Hi Jones...again no apologies. Thanks for the congrats.

hic... thanks for saying that I write so well. I do like to write but sometimes I have so little time that I just dash things off I feel without enough care.

hi MsC... it's great to see you here. I'm happy to share the session hoping that it will help someone else to bring up difficult topics with their T. I am fortunate in that my T is usually very good about being non-defensive. Lately I have also had difficulty in remembering my sessions. I think because I have to rush back to work and have to turn off the session so quickly without processing it. This time I kept repeating stuff he said to me in my head until I could get somewhere to write it down.

Hey Liese...I was trying to be brave but I kept running out of nerve and had to stop numerous times to pull myself together again.

PWW...thank you for the sweet compliments. I hope I can stay brave.

Elsewhere...thank you. You are making me blush

Mallard... T and I were a bit teary too. Thank you for your words. Coming from you that is a high compliment.

Yaku... your post means so much to me because you are dealing with a lot of your own challenges right now. I would ask that you take your own words to heart and take in the truth of the safety and connection that you have with your T. I absolutely know that you are safe with him and his only interest is in your healing.

Liese... I had to express what I was feeling because it was coming out "sideways" anyway and causing the rift in our relationship and by not telling T he was at a loss as to what was driving me to behave the way I have. I think he understands a lot more now and can help me more effectively. Aside from that our attachment feelings were reinforced and that felt wonderful.

Starfishy... thank you for your support and no worries about what you wrote. Our situations are different and I appreciate your sharing your own experience with me. Thanks for reminding me that with T just being me is enough.

Hugs to all of you for your support. It all made a huge difference for me.

TN

TN, I just got back from a short vacation and am catching up on your situation. I have to admit I get really anxious when I read accounts of your therapy and it isn't going well. Even though I don't actually know you, I want you to succeed in your therapy so much. You and your T have an amazing relationship. It's what every therapy client wants. It's very special. Please believe what he is telling you. Let him in. He is really worth it. You are worth it. You deserve this. Good luck.

Hi Monte... yes T got some good stars in the book and yesterda he got a few more. Things have been good. Difficult but good.

Hi Becca... I hope you had a great vacation. That is very sweet of you to want me to succeed so much in therapy. I realize that I am very fortunate to have such a wonderful T. He may not be a great T for everyone as he is challenging and tough and expects a lot but he is a great match for me. I needed someone who is strong and very clear about what he thinks. And I do really believe that our relationship is worth it. Thank you. I hope things are going well for you too.

TN