I was wondering where you went. Hope vaca was good. Hope you session is a good one.

Thank you ms. control and vh...

I came back to a disaster at work. To make it short... my compensation was cut by a boss who is a royal idiot. It was such a small amount to him but to me it was my car payment. Now I have to find a way to make up that shortfall... maybe I can give up food? The reason? There is NO REASON except for his pettyness and his being a vindictive asshole.

I found an envelope on my desk this morning with a note. No one ever spoke to me about it. No warning.

I have a ton of work on my desk that is unbelievable and I'm supposed to have motivation to do it? I also have 2 other bosses who are not around this week so I'm doing all their work.

I spent my session with T hysterically cryiing because I am such a f'ing failure at everything I try to do. I work so hard and for some reason people just hate me and want to punish me for a reason I don't even know. My T says he likes me. That does not even matter to me at this point and half the time I don't even believe him. He's being nice to a client, that's all. I am so disconnected from him because he just does not understand how it is to be such an utter failure. he is successful, well to do and well respected in his field. He controls his own destiny and his own business.

Sorry guys. I just had to vent. I've been a mess all day. Now I have to go home to my dh and explain to him that we now have LESS money to live on.

TN

From your story I can't tell if you think your work environment is unfair or that you are a total failure at everything so you deserve the pay cut. It's almost confusing as I'm not sure what to empathize with.

Sorry TN. Sounds like everything collided and you did not expect any of it. Mean people suck, that is for sure. Vengence is a very interesting and loaded response from angry people. I bet much of your boss's anger had nothing to do with you. You were probably just a convenient target. Hope you feel better when things settle down. And, you are far from a failure. You'll work it out with T too. He's on your side. Don't forget it. You're not "just a client" or money in his pocket. I do the same thing with my T when I want to lash out. He gets all my rage and bitterness projected right on top of him.

Hi TN:

Sorry to hear of all the upheaval you have come back to. It seems as if everything is bleeding together and it's difficult to keep things separate when we feel like such a failure. Example: If we fail at one thing, we feel as if we fail at everything.

Perhaps you may be able to inquire of your Boss the reason for the pay cut. If it were me, I would put together a portfolio of all you do at work and represent your worth in a way which can be measured on paper.

What can you do to take your power back?

Rooting for you,
T.

True North. So glad to see you back. You have very good input in the forum, and hope you did all right being away.

TN, I don't know your boss but I HATE him. He has been yanking your chain for a long time and is too inept to know what a good employee is. This seems to happen way more than it should for workers in this country. When a worker has been pushed around enough by their superiors for a long period of time, one starts to believe maybe they aren't good enough. You are good enough TN and your idiot boss knows it but he is a bully and somehow seems to be threatened by you.

As for your T, you know he loves and cares about you. It might be hard to remember that, when you are feeling like you do but deep down, you know.

I am so sorry you have to work where you do but many of us don't have a lot of choices anymore and we do what we have to. You don't deserve to be treated that way.

(((tN))) thinking of you

Hi guys... I'm doing a bit better today. I'm trying to work something out so I don't have to continue to work for this insane boss. We spoke today about the termination of the contract of compensation we had agreed to. Do you know what reasons he gave me for terminating it?

He said that he felt he was not getting his "money's worth" out of me. Are you kidding? He has sucked the life out of me. There is nothing left to give. He also told me the last straw was that I went on my vacation giving him only a ten minute warning before I left the office. Huh? I sent him an email months ago, detailing each vacation day I would be taking until the end of this year in order to give advance notice.

Thank you all for the hugs, support and understanding. I'll keep you all posted.

Hugs
TN

TN, I am giving your boss the massive side-eye for the "money's worth" comment.

Seriously, you're not a car. Or a set of solar panels that pay for themselves over a period of time. Geeze.

Your boss sounds like a gaslighter who is very used to pushing people around so when they're ground down and feel unable to fight back he gets away with it.

It is not failure to be unable to do the impossible. And that's what this is; you have a workload that is too high and work for an unpredictable, unprofessional a**hole.

I don't know whether this is my axe to grind but I also wonder whether there is some sexism / male-privilege at play here?

I understand that this must be feeding into lots of negative beliefs about yourself and when it gets like this it can be so hard to peel away what is 'true' and what isn't.

I genuinely believe you are not crap at your job, or a failure personally or any of that. I think it's more likely to be because your boss perhaps senses that you do always try to do your best and perhaps that you are susceptible to criticism he behaves like this because he is a bully.

A good, professional boss would not attempt to exploit someone else's desire to be helpful and do well.

I know that you're probably feeling blind-sided and vulnerable and that urging someone to take action is not always the best course. But I wanted to float the possibility of you appealing this decision by going higher up, especially if you have evidence of the vacation email. If you are not in a place where hearing that feels okay, then please feel free to ignore this.

Big hugs

(((TN)))

I'm so, so sorry you're going through this. Your boss sounds like a class-A jerk who needs to be put in his place.

I don't know what the labor laws are like where you live, but it might be worth your while to look into your rights as an employee. I know where I work, any changes in compensation are given to me in writing, and I must sign off on them. I do not see how it is legal for your boss to suddenly decide to reduce your pay without having given you a good reason or presented the appropriate paperwork.

Usually, changes in compensation are tied to a formal performance review. In this performance review, your immediate supervisor(s) evaluate your performance based on your attendance, quality and quantity of work, metrics, etc. Then they give you a score in each area and award an overall rating. Any shortcomings they find are documented in the review. You are then allowed to read the review, sign it, and give a written response. The review then goes in your permanent file.

If your boss has not based your reduction in pay on a formal performance review, I would request one--and insist on it. He needs to put in writing what it is he thinks you should be doing that you aren't so you have an opportunity to make changes. He shouldn't be able to arbitrarily change your pay without your foreknowledge or proper documentation of his reasons. IT IS VERY LIKELY THAT WHAT HE'S DOING IS ILLEGAL.

I suggest gathering some evidence to fight his claim that you aren't doing your job. When you started the job, you should have received an official job description. If you don't have it now, you should be able to obtain a copy from your HR department. Go through and make a list of any responsibilities or tasks you have taken on in the past couple of years that are outside of that job description. Make a note of what you're still doing. Find ways to quantify the results you're achieving in your position and document everything. Then if Mr. Scumbag tries to claim that you aren't doing your job, you can present him with the evidence. And if that doesn't work, take it to a lawyer. (I'm serious.)

You do not deserve to be treated like this. At all. I don't care what your performance is like. What your boss is doing is unethical and unfair and possibly illegal. Fight it. And if he tries to get you to sign paperwork accepting a lower wage for the same work, don't touch it until you've educated yourself on your rights and gotten an official performance review. I sincerely wish you all the best in this fight.

Mean people suck...and they are everywhere!
He is an ASS!

(((TN)))


I don't know what industry you are in but some industries are known to suck everything out of their employees and generally treat them like shit. You should be valued for all the hard work you do. I hope you resent that email to him. His disorganization is not your problem nor an excuse to penalize you.


BLT, Were you joking?

What a WANKER.

My first thought was in reading this and his justification that he 'wasn't getting his money's worth' from you and cut yr pay accordingly - well - perhaps you should cut what you have been doing as an 'adjustment' to the new pay schedule

He cuts your pay you do even less. You 'might' consider doing a bit more IF the pay goes up.

(If you need to cheer up just imagine walking into the office and instead of working straight away, spend the first 15/20 minutes just sitting at yr desk with a cuppa and on Facebook - then when he comes up to you exploding in anger, politely tell him - I'm working on what you pay me Mr Boss - I'm working according to what you think I'm worth - clearly I've had a pay drop so I've adjusted my work rate accordingly' flash him a humongous smile and go back to yr coffee and Facebook LOL)

Thank you all for the suggestions and good thoughts and relevant questions. Eliza we are blocked from Facebook at work. and he told me "don't even THINK ABOUT not doing my work slowly". I work for two others who pay me more.

I work in Financial Services. Stay clear of this industry unless you are 1-male and 2- are already rich and connected. All the "advisors" are men and all the women are slaves.

I have been so distraught today due to my request for a transfer being denied by the manager and so dissociated over that that I had a car accident on the way back from lunch. I've been hysterical on the phone with T all day.

I am not doing well at all.

TN

TN, I am so sorry. When things get really bad like this, sometimes all you can do is go into damage limitation mode. Your health and being safe is the most important thing.

I remember being dissociated at work and being in a car accident too because of the level of shock I was in. I really feel for you right now.

It sounds like a culture where no one except powerful white dudes can succeed with their health, self esteem and sanity intact. This is an awful thing and I know from experience how hard it can be not to chalk it up to you somehow deserving it, especially if it feeds into existing beliefs about yourself.

We are with you.

Sorry it's so hard TN ... Hoped to bring a small smile to yu for even half a second with my imaginary scenario for you - if it's your imagination it doesn't matter you can't do FB at work ).

If you need to take a sick day or two, I'd encourage you too. You come first, not your a'hole boss. I hope soon enough anger helps you feel a but better - he really is a major a'hole - thank god you don't have to live with him. Must be awful to have to be his family!!!

Hang in there. I'm glad you can talk to your T and have their support. It sucks when something out of our control details us like this BUT you can and will be STEONG enough to get through it. Post and vent away, we're here to support you

(((TN)))

Thinking about you TN

No, I was not joking.

quote:

There is NO REASON except for his pettyness and his being a vindictive asshole.

quote:

I am such a f'ing failure at everything I try to do.

These two statements don't really go together. In the first one, the boss appears to have 100% of the blame because he is a jerk. In the second one, TN appears to be blaming herself for "being a failure at everything" although I'm not sure what everything means in this case.

Then there is a third explanation:

quote:

I work so hard and for some reason people just hate me and want to punish me for a reason I don't even know.

This also doesn't totally make sense with the other two. If your boss is really just an asshole, then isn't that a reason for him to act like an asshole to you? And this one doesn't paint TN as a failure so much as an innocent victim who is trying her best.

So the question is: TN, are you really a failure at everything, or are you an innocent victim? Or are there other possibilities?

Hey TN, I hope things can improve. Hugs to you.
SD

TN


I hope your situation improves!

Filing an employment discrimination claim with the EEOC.

There are time limits for filing a claim, so do your research to determine if this would be a good step for you.

TN ... I really hope you are taking care of yourself. I can only imagine just how hard things have been for you since you returned from vacation. PLEASE treat yourself with the kindness you so richly deserve.

Thinking of you,

The Kid and li'l one

I just wanted to come back and thank everyone for their kind thoughts and empathy for my situation at work. It has taken me a few weeks to settle in after my vacation. As for work, nothing has been definitely decided yet. I approached the manager again with the guy I want to work with. There seems to be bigger changes in the air, with some new hires possibly coming on board so no definite answers at this point. As for the guy who is not getting his "money's worth" from me. Well now he is getting even less. I do his work that I have to do but I don't talk to him, nor do I work to increase his business. Why should I when I get nothing for doing that. Before I got a teeny tiny percentage of fees/commissions but now I get nothing so that is what he gets back from me. Stupid, stupid man.

Been doing a lot of difficult work in therapy which I will post about separately.

Thank you all for the information and for thinking of me.

Hugs
TN