It's nice to have you back Jane ...glad you had a good trip...sounds like you gained alot from it and its great you could give something to the sick children.

Sorry to hear that you will be spending Thanksgiving alone that really sucks.

Hope you manage to catch up on some sleep and look forward to hearing from you when you are feeling up to it.

Butterfly

Hello JD welcome back! Sounds like your trip affected you in many profound ways. I’m glad you’re pleased you went. I’m looking forward to hearing you talk a whole lot more about it.

Sorry you’re feeling so alone. Has something happened with your family since you got back? Maybe coming back here will help you get through the sense of aloneness at this time. Hope so . Good to have you back.

LL

p.s. us across the pond also use miles, it’s only them on the continent who use the kilometres (damned nuisance trying to convert road signs when you’re doing 70mph on the motorways)

Welcome home!! It's good to see you here again.

It sounds like you had a really intense experience on your trip. I'm sorry that you are feeling so alone with the holiday coming up.

I look forward to hearing more about your experience when/if you feel up to it. Take care of you!

welcome back, girl! Glad you have enjoyed the vacation, that must have been a great learing experience! Its good to have you back..Let us know how things go?

Welcome back, Jane...it's good to see your post. I hope you are catching up on some rest and recovering and re-orienting as best you can...I'm sure it is a huge shock.

Be well, Jane! Whenever you are ready or able, we would love ot hear all about it. I hope you will find a way, not to be alone on Thanksgiving. I'm in a place that doesn't celebrate it, and I still miss that holiday so much. So if you do end up alone, well, you and me and anybody who's around- we'll have a Psych cafe Thanksgiving...I'll roast the turkey!

But, if I were you, I'd go to AG's. hmm, I may book a plane ticket myself! You got room for one more, Ag?

Welcome back, Jane!

BB

JD,
I'm glad your trip went well. Looking forward to hearing about it.
Where I live we have many places for homeless people and I have spent many holidays helping them out and having dinner with them. Is this possible where you live? If not, I'll check in on Thursday to see how you are doing.
Also, I like BB's idea. I live a few hours away from AG. Now that would be a blast.

PG

Hello JD I don't think we've met before! Sounds like you had very interesting experiences on your trip! It will probably take time to settle on many levels! I'm sorry you're feeling and indeed are so alone at the moment - I think it would be good if you made contact with at least one friend over the holiday but I do understand your hesitance at 'announcing' your aloneness as it were! Do you live near AG - that would be fun! I think we'd all like to go if it were possible!
Take care JD
Morgs

Dear Jane,

Welcome back!!!! Congratulations on getting through your trip, and what a wonderful thing that you were able to see the world and help others as you did it. I missed you and I'm glad you're home safe, with heaps of powerful stuff to process.

I don't know if this is helpful, but I was really struck by the parallel between your Thanksgiving situation now and your situation with feeling scared to tell your T you were going overseas. I wanted to remind you that you have been in this situation before, of having something that you need and want, wanting support with it, taking the risk of reaching out and showing yourself *and then receiving the support*.

I totally get not wanting to feel needy. But it might be worth bearing in mind two things - 1) You DESERVE to have a happy thanksgiving in loving company, and 2) your company is actually a blessing for others, too. We know that here.

I was thinking of what might make it easier to communicate your needs/wants with others. I don't know what the convention for getting together on this day is, but maybe you could offer to have people over for a small, happy lunch or breakfast, if it's likely that people already have family arrangements for dinner?

Or think about who else might be an 'orphan' on this day and just let them know that you are too. I've been to some great 'orphan's Christmasses' over the years.

Let us know what you do.

Love,
Jones

Hi jane

Welcome back - it's good to see you post again and hear a bit about the amazing work you've been doing. I'm sorry that you'll be spending Thanksgiving on your own, we don't celebrate it over here, BUT will send you special thoughts for that day anyway,

starfish

Hi Jane,

It's great to see you back...I'm glad the trip was so rewarding for you. I hope you can work something out for Thanksgiving so that you don't have to spend it alone. Either way, I'll be here as well so that you don't have to be completely alone.

PG & Beebs, that would be awesome! Plenty of room, come on by.

aw, you all are the best!

Butterfly ~ thank you for the good thoughts and encouragement. And wow, have I ever needed sleep! I have been sleeping so much this weekend, more than I have in a very long time... I'm finally beginning to get some energy back...

Blanket Girl ~ you have not overstepped at all! I like your idea of telling at least ONE of my friends... that doesn't seem so scary at all. Refugee dinner? That sounds like fun! Little more work than I think I can do - but it gave me an idea of something to check into tomorrow about a dinner for folks at a nursing home down the street that I might be able to lend a hand with. And call a friend too and tell them I'm here w/o family or plans... and bummed... maybe...

Lamplighter ~ thanks for your encouragement and welcome! Missed you all so much. So good to see you and read and find out a little of how everyone has been doing... And no, nothing happened with my family while I was gone - everything went ary about two months ago. It was really heartbreaking... still is... it was so messed up what happened that it was the first time my mother actually stood up for me to another family member, her own sister, my aunt and said she was very wrong - and things are just a mess still though with family.
holidays. love 'em, but sometimes... they hurt a bit too...

p.s. ah, I see. I was in S Korea on a very long layover on our very long way back home, and we were able to get out of the airport for a bit, and discovered they use both km and miles on their signs - it helped my tired brain a bit to know so easily! But soon we made it far enough into the city that all the signs were only in Korean, so I had no idea about anything other than how many km/miles back to the airport - and yet still, that was a great thing to know! (and it was a super fun day and way to spend 16 hours stuck between flights)

STRM ~ Thank you so much! so good to be back and see you too!

AG ~ It helps to hear that re-orienting is hard for others too. You gave me a thought, and I did google about 'reverse' culture shock, and found some really helpful info. So comforting to know I'm not alone in my experience of arriving back home to the familiar and really being "shocked" by it.

I would LOVE come pull up a chair at your table (darn, if only I didn't live 2,000 miles away! ) Sounds like your husband cooks for a whole crowd of people! yum!

quote:

Jane, how would you feel and what would you want to do, if you knew a friend would be alone for Thanksgiving?

yeah... I would really want to know and would really want to spend at least a little time connecting with them, and if I had a big dinner to invite them over to join in on, I would in a heartbeat!!!

Regardless if I end up by myself or not, I think I will check in here anyhow this week...

Thanks for the kind encourgement and good input AG!

Frog ~ oh it's great to see ya! Thanks and yeah, wow, did I learn a LOT. So super glad I went!

p.s. I love your signature quote!

Blackbird ~ you will roast the turkey? then I'll bake some more pumpkin pies for the forum too! yum!!! so sorry you are missing it. so good to see you. thanks so much for the encouragement and comforting words. and oh, hey, save a seat next to me at AG's!

Preppie Girl ~ that sounds like a really great idea to check out helping out at a dinner for folks who are in need. I know when I used to work at nearby agency, anyone who even came and brought some cookies for staff was deeply appreciated. I could do that! I could even just bake a pie for the staff or residents (however they wanted to use it.) I think I will call them tomorrow and see if there is anything I can come and help with (or a pie they like and I could bake for them.) great idea! That alone has warmed up my heart.

Morgs ~ it is so great to 'meet' you! Thank you for your kind and encouraging words - yeah, it feels like i am announcing my aloneness - and yet so good to be reminded by everyone that I'm not so alone. I had a lot of intense experiences on the trip - so much so that I didn't think that the coming home would be the hardest...

Jones ~ You make me smile. Thank you so much!

quote:

I don't know if this is helpful, but I was really struck by the parallel between your Thanksgiving situation now and your situation with feeling scared to tell your T you were going overseas. I wanted to remind you that you have been in this situation before, of having something that you need and want, wanting support with it, taking the risk of reaching out and showing yourself *and then receiving the support*.

oh, you are so right on. well put. good point. dang, that is so hard for me. what a pattern. and really, it has been so worth it to reach out for support...

You are just too kind - really!

I like your ideas about breakfast or brunch and about finding any thanks day 'orphans'... hmm... got me thinking! great ideas! thanks!

Starfish and Kashley ~ it's so great to see you both! I'm honored to know you and thank you for the warm welcome and kind words. so good to be reminded I'm not alone. not really.


Ah, well this jumbled up and tired brain of mine is headed to get some more sleep. Thanks again to everyone for the very kind words and welcome back and encouragement about how to handle my painful alone-ness here on Turkey/Thanks day here in the US. I will be going to bed with a smile on my face. Thank you all so much.

~jane

JD, thinking of you and just checking to see how you are.

PG

BG - yeah, there can be a thin line, but you give great advice! so encouraging! and you help me remember so well that there is more care and acceptance for me that I can quite grasp...


aw PG, you are so sweet - thanks! I'm ok... numb... but ok...

Today I saw my regular T - she was really kind. I told her I felt numb and have been quite numb since being back. I don't really understand it, as when I was gone, the whole time, I never felt numb - not once - and I was very surprised about that as we did a lot of intense hard stuff! Now, ever since I got off the plane, I'm rather numb, checked out, disconnected a bit. clinically, it's mild dissociative stuff. like being in automatic pilot or even not feeling my own body very well and just have little connection with emotions.
I finally got caught up on sleep and laundry (I hope) and back into life a bit today. But still so numb. As I talked with my T today, she asked, "is there anything you think you might be holding back or need to feel?" I didn't know. I gave her back a small bear she gave me to take with me to remind me of her - and I gave it back to her in a small hand sown bag I got for the equivalent of 50 cents (and was quick to explain it was only about 50 cents so it wasn't a weird thing about giving her a huge gift.) She loved it. It was simple and sweet. We talked some more about the trip and about being back and some of the experiences. I showed her some pictures.

She said as I had talked about being back and being numb, I looked like I was going to cry. That kind of surprised me. I was so numb I hadn't even realized.

I'm glad she said that if I came back worse than I left, it was ok, and reassured me many times of that before I went - or I might be beating myself up about this more than I already am. My T assured me today that this will get better, in time.

Tomorrow I go see my eq T for the first time in three weeks. I don't feel anything about that but disappointment that I am so numb, and maybe fear that I am so numb. Will she be ok with that? She said if all I needed to do was sit and talk about the horses, that would be ok. What if I have nothing to say or ask or... will that be ok too?

gosh I hope so.

I told my eq T about my fear that I would come back more of a mess, worse off than I already am - and she responded with saying that she would hope a trip like this would really affect me, and that it's ok if it meant I came back worse. We would deal with that.
I hope she meant that...

I want me back!

not this numbness.

blah.

sorry for rambling.

dang, numbness wore off in the middle of the night and I woke up in a panic. It's the dang numb/flood cycle. When I numb out then I eventually am flooded...

So I broke down and took some anti-axiety medications to get some sleep and keep getting my sleep cycle back on track to the time zone here.

But for a moment, I do feel - a lot. such axiety and fear and saddness... I don't know about what.

off to get some sleep hopefully. and curl up with my sweet kitty who has been attached to me, literally, since I have been home. sleep right by me all night - little unusal for her. I think she missed me.

In this moment of not being numb, think seeing the horses will be good - and scary. I'm scared I will be numb, OR flooded with feelings. But I do know that there, in the past, I have had a lot of freedom to back away form things if they get too intense...

now to trust that is going to still be true. I hope it is. it's been three weeks...

I wonder what it will be like.

oh, off to try to sleep again.

thanks all for letting me process a bit here.
helps so much!