Red_cloak,

Totally cute name. I don't know if I have any advice on the back to school anxieties, but I wanted to let you know that I am thinking about you. I understand how hard it is to start back to school, and the stress that is related to friendships. School is difficult, and the friendships when you are in high school shift significantly. Summer brings about separation, and it's true when those who have told you that you'll settle in. BUT, until you settle in, it's still a struggle, right? I remember that struggle, and I am sure we all have had those feelings upon returning to school after summer.

I felt that struggle so much during my HS years and I think the one thing that allowed me to calm a little was to find a secure base with(one or two friends) or a teacher.

I had GAD all through HS and really isolated myself. I regret that now. I wish I had been less afraid and more willing to try new things. I keep thinking what I would tell 16 year old me today...and I think one thing that sticks out to me is that you have just as much as a right to enjoy yourself in HS as all of the others. You are interesting. You are a good person, and basically everyone is VERY much more interested in themselves that they are not paying too much attention to you. (I would always feel like everyone was looking at me, that I wasn't good enough, didn't deserve to be there, and I didn't fit in). But, those things were far from the truth.

Why do you feel out of the loop, and like you are floundering?

I hope that you are doing well, and that this week of school goes better for you. Peace to you.

Unbroken,

Thanks for the reply, I really appreciated your advice and past experience. I feel a bit better, today was the first good day. I guess I just feel like I'm floundering in work (exams before college in two years and they're piling on the work) and stresses with friends and even at home I feel stuck, like in a boring routine. So I don't feel relief anywhere, but today was good and I'm in good form now...but am already worried about school tomorrow.

What I really want to know is WHEN! Like, when will I be able to deal with study and not get really stressed? When will meeting up with my friends not scare me? When will I have interesting things to do at home?

At times like this, I REALLY miss my T who I finished up with in March when I was great. Man, what I would do for a coffee with her. Just the thought of meeting up with her...it's like, I know she'd make it better...but my mother refuses to contact her again unless I'm in a crisis...

red_cloak

I'm so sorry that your mom wont allow you to contact T. I am sure that's very difficult for you, especially since it sounds like you had a very solid attachment with T. I can understand that you must miss T very much. I think T must have had a calming presence on you and it made you feel secure.

I was your age and very much understand all of those feelings you are having. What about your friends scares you? Is home life difficult because there are dynamics in the family that create anxiety within you? I wasn't allowed to be in therapy when I was younger..so I turned to a teacher for security. Is there a teacher/counselor at school that you'd be able to confide in?

If you don't mind sharing, I'm intrigued at what is causing this fear and anxiety within you? When I read what you'd said, I almost feel as if I am talking to my 16 year old self.

Hope you are well today.

Brokes- thanks for all the advice, really hice to hear from someone else who's had similar experiences What is the main theme of my anxiety is my friendships like "Was she being cold with me?" and then I get reaaaally worried and obsess over everything that happens between us. I also worry about being left out of the group and stuff. But lately, having gone into a serious year I am stressing about study and school etc.

Update; I had two TERRIBLE days, where I felt everything was just...crashing down in side me? And I was just crying in complete panic, I felt I couldn't deal with anything (friends, school, home) but today was pretty good, and I even went out with my friends and it was good. I just wish I could predict when it's gonna happen and know what triggers it.

Okay, I probably explained the situation wrong. I know why my Mum won't let me back to my T, because when I am in a complete tiz, I just REALLY want to go back but she knows me so well that she knows it'll take less than a week to go back to normal. I do miss my T, like losing a close friend but like I understand she went above and beyond and my Mum realises it would be pretty unfair to call her every time I feel a little panicked. If I was in a serious crisis for a long period of time, she would call her. But actually my Mum is the MOST amazing person ever. I actually love and respect her so much. She deals with SO MANY THINGS, like my Granny moved in and she has to look after her and organise all of her care and stuff with her siblings, she is the boss in her office and goes to loads of meetings and she has to deal with my brother and sister as well but always has time for me and gives me great advice and comfort.

I've basically realised that what's making me most anxious is that I'm not entirely sure who my best friends are. Like I know who my friend group are...kind of...And I think that's why when I see my friends chatting together I feel so anxious because I feel that they will all become best friends without me...Probably makes no sense because my friends are great...but I just feelings...

red_cloak