I think this is usually something better to talk about ahead of time than to 'spring' on your T.

If I've ever wanted something out of the ordinary in my session I'll usually call ahead of time to tell or ask. I do this so my T can prepare - because if I surprise my T I put myself at risk to misinterpret her initial reactions (even if they are positive) because I'm so sensitive.

It depends how you take rejection I suppose (in person? over the phone? do you need to be alone after it happens? can you discuss it right away or do you need time?). Chances are a T will totally want to celebrate you and be open to you honoring yourself during session with them. This is my assumption anyhow.

If it's something you aren't sure that is appropriate that is when I would ask ahead of time. Example: sometimes sharing a meal or whatever can be intimate, or the type of food... like a box of chocolate covered strawberries is different from a plate of cookies - also some Ts have allergies), something outside the boundaries of the office (walk, going somewhere) might not work either... all good stuff to see if it's okay ahead of time, I think.

I think the hardest part is asking... for me, I'm a planner. As for OLDT... do you mean you're more afraid of your current T's reaction because of transference from OLDT or do you worry somehow OLDT will find out you're doing something say something? If it's the transference my advice is to risk it if you can, and if you can't.... you could always have an un-birthday (a birthday celebration not on your birthday) when you're ready.

So my vote is good idea to bring something. Ask ahead of time if that makes you feel better.

Excellent advice!! I took it! I asked and she said "YES!!!"

What a different therapeutic relationship I am in. So healing and different than the one before! I feel blessed!!

YAY!! Please tell us how it goes.

Hi Unbroken...

I'm so glad she said yes! That is so great.

I remember being nervous to ask my current T about celebrating my graduation with him. I was scared because he had warned me against bringing him any food (I used to feed oldT). But he was really fine with it and it was fun and it became a bond between us. That we celebrated such a milestone together was really important for the relationship.

Please update us when you can. And have fun!

Hugs
TN

Well, the big birthday session came and went. I brought treats. What I thought would be a nice celebration and maybe allowing us to talk "ME" didn't happen. It ended up being very casual, and we mostly talked about "HER." It frustrated me beyond words. I couldn't open up. I couldn't allow myself to go beyond the surface. I have been SO upset about my birthday and other things, but she still seems so preoccupied by her stuff. I expressed my upset and pain, and she responded well to that. BUT, it's still frustrating me to the point that I think about quitting. I think I am going to get too hurt. I've been hurt before.

I have been kind of torn up over things recently, and I did something that I haven't done in a VERY long time. I made contact with ex-T. I tried to call. She'd never answer. I think I am feeling so much upheaval inside of me that it's triggered those old abandonment issues....I'm unhappy with how therapy is going right now that I am going to try to cling on to what I once thought was good? I don't know. LOTS of confusion and sadness over all of this right now.

I wish I had happier news to report.

(((Brokes)))

((Brokes)) sorry it went so poorly.

I think it's definitely a good idea to consider another T if your current T is bringing her issues in to the room? That's not okay.

(((((BROKES)))))

I'm sorry too that it went so badly and wasn't the celebration you were hoping for. I hope before you decide not to go back that at least you'll express to your T how badly you were feeling about your birthday and the family lunch and then the session. At least give her a chance to know how you are feeling?

When things were going badly with my T, I'd sometimes think about contacting my ex-T to get from her what he wasn't giving to me so I understand calling OldT.

((((Brokes)))) I'm so sorry.

The week has been difficult. My birthday has brought up so many feelings inside of me and I have been grieving quite heavily. It's hard for me to pull together completely and even put on a good face for work. I am supposed to see T tonight, but I am afraid that when it comes to me going into that room I completely will shut down. I will shut it off and NOT allow myself to feel it.

I feel comfortable with T, but there is something holding me back. It's a fear of getting hurt again like I got hurt in the past. What ex-t did to me was unbearable and it's been 9 months, but I feel like I have been in shock and just trying to catch up to what's been going on that I haven't had a chance to really process what it all means. I think it finally hit me a couple days ago just how awful it was to open up completely with another human being (for the firs time in my life), and then to have her treat me that way. OUCH.

I also feel incredibly sad that she's never coming back. I felt good with her. I want to go back to those good times. But, it's all over. There's nothing left. The truth is that she got rid of me....and I'll never know exactly why.

(((((BROKES)))))

Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you. I know you've been having a hard time lately both with your birthday and with your T. If my T terminated me, I'm not sure I'd be able to get over it. I know it would take a long time and it would always be a thorn in my side. I can't blame you for feeling afraid and cautious and feeling all these jumbled feelings.

Sometimes when I can't talk during a session, we work on a puzzle. Just being with T is grounding and helps A LOT even if we don't talk. It was really hard to do at first but now it just feels comfortable. Is that a possibility for you?

((LIESE)) Thanks for the HUGS and the thoughts. I so needed it right now. It's been a rough few days. I am looking forward to session tonight. I am feeling lost right now.

I like your idea of a puzzle. That might a good ice breaker. I do express to my T that I don't like feeling like all eyes/attention are on me sometimes. Maybe the puzzle will ease us into a discussion. Thanks for the tip.

Tonight I am going to try to be as open as I can be. I AM not going to close up if I can help it. I am going to bare it all to T because I am afraid that if I hold it in any longer I will be worse off than I already am.

Thanks for the support. It's so nice to be back here again.