I had originally asked Shrinklady to suspend my account of several years when things were triggering me too much here. I decided to see if I wanted to stick around by avoiding triggering subjects by limiting my contributions to discussions about psychology. Attachment Girl had previously asked me to be a moderator of the forum about Psychology and told me she hoped that I kept posting interesting and informative articles (some of which ended up in her blog content). I didn’t feel I was in a place to moderate anything but still contributed in my own way.
Next thing I knew, I was involved in some conflict and my account was suspended without warning, with only a note: “it’s complicated”. That was when Jane had a psychotic or delusional episode. That was a tragedy for everyone involved. Including Jane. I am positive I made some mistakes too, but at least if you know what your mistakes are, you have to opportunity to apologize and/or make things right if need be.
Being hurt about this—that’s just part of life, but I am outraged at how some think its ok to treat others like this—especially on a mental health support community. What if I was suicidal, and being deemed not worthy of being in a community of peers was the last straw that set me over the edge?
I had emailed Shrinklady at the Editors at Myshrink address to tell her I’d like to reinstate my account. I’m not sure if those emails are screened by others instead of going directly to her, but they were ignored. So when I was hospitalized and laid up for weeks, and after hearing no response from her, I created a temporary account called ‘Guest’ so that I could PM her about reinstating my account. I figured it would be ok to post as a guest until I heard back from her. After being repeatedly ignored, I could only conclude no one cared about whether or not I was a member, so I came back to the community I cared about.
I had been a member for a few months and all of the sudden, I was banned again when there was conflict between some members. Did I say/do something wrong? If I said/did something wrong, why were the other members that said/did wrong things allowed to keep their memberships? It is perplexing. I am no better or worse than anyone here. I have my times of craziness too. I can own them if given the opportunity to. And to be clear, any conflict I’ve been involved in was on the open forum. I had NEVER sent anyone harassing or abusive PMs. Yet, I know others here who have done that-yet, they still post here. And that’s ok, everyone is entitled (as a human being) to some mistakes, but why in the world is it ok to single me out?
No, I was told I was banned because my intentions cannot be trusted because I created new accounts. Huh? Anytime the account was suspended, a message went to my inbox “if you have any questions about your [suspension], contact Shrinklady. The reason I created the accounts in the first place was to contact Shrinklady. She has never answered one of my PMs. Not even once. But trust works both ways. How can people be expected to trust her if she makes decisions based on ___?
So what would be the right thing to do in this situation? Put yourself in my shoes, please, and tell me what you would have done? I suppose never coming back here would have been the ‘right’ thing to do. But that’s the source of confusion in the first place. This whole experience was like a merry-go-round that I could not get off of. And if I didn’t care, I could never come to this website again. But unfortunately, as much as I’ve tried to talk myself into not caring, that’s not the case. Maybe I am incapable of doing the right thing in that type of environment.
I’m not as graceful as others here, I know that. And I am not good with words, but it seems this has been a forum elephant that needs to go away. I don’t know how else to make it disappear but to make myself heard. Shrinklady said she has no time/resources to deal with it, so maybe it can be dealt with by alternative means. Not dealing with things can be just as, or more harmful, than dealing with the situation in the first place. I was not some troll who deserved to be ridiculed and ostracized from the community.
Thanks to anyone listening. I miss you guys.