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7 replies

Being Playful

L longroadMember
Hi Everyone,

I've been in therapy for almost 2yrs now. About 6 months ago my T suggested to me that I should be more "playful". At first I was not sure how I should interpret it. After all I'm a he and my T's a she. I'm sure in any other setting if a woman suggested that to me I would interpret it as come on. I believe now it is her way of trying to get me to relax more and let down my guard. I told her at the time that I was concerned that if I did she wouldn't think I was taking my therapy seriously. She acknowledged me but didn't say anything further?

I now realize there is another reason that I don't want to be playful with her. I'm concerned if I do that I will develop romantic feelings towards her. I'm sure this would negatively affect my therapy. One of the few gifts I've managed to hang on to over the years is the ability to make people laugh (that is of course when i'm up for it). I don't want to lose her as my T.

I have my next T session with her this Thursday. We were suppose to talk about how I'm going to deal with being off work for the summer -I know... most people would love to be off work for the summer!!! but for the last couple of years its been hell for me-
I think being at work helps to keep my mind off of how rotten I feel. I think I'm going to bring up the whole playful thing again and my concerns about it creating a romantic attachment. Being a trained professional I'm sure she has had to deal with it before. The problem is I haven't! ...lol Has anyone else found themselves in a similar situation?

Have a great day.
LongRoad
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evaevaMember
Very common and actually very NORMAL to develop romantic or child like feelings towards a T. I think it can help therapy and help us heal - becasue they're often painful feelings, tied to our previous feelings if loss or rejection. Being able to experience those feelings in a safe place where the boundaries serve to PROTECT us (and at the Sam time, confront us with the pain of them) we can process a lot of past hurt.

I'd encourage you to talk to yr T - tell her you worry 'what if' you develop romantic feelings - it will let you see how she would deal with it. Hopefully she would not avoid talking about it (some unskilled Ts avoid discussing transference issues due to their own being uncomfortable). On the other hand, assuming she is one of the many competent Ts, she won't blink an eyelid and be able to talk it through with you.
L longroadMember
Hi Ms C,

Thank you for your reply. Although it will be difficult for me to discuss with my T (I can already feel my stomach churning) I think it will help me open up more to her. I just hope that she doesn't push me away (not physically...lol) and is able to help me work through it and set my mind at ease. And yes, I will let you know how it goes. Have a great evening.

LongRoad
L longroadMember
Hi Everyone,

Well it sure as hell wasn't easy but I had the discussion yesterday with my T. She handled the question very gently and professionally. She eased my mind by telling me that it was ok if I developed those feelings towards her but that they would not be reciprocated, and why. I knew that would be the case, and needed to be, but i'd be lying if I didn't admit that a small part of me hoped she would. It was an enormous relieve to see her handle my question without skipping a beat.

I've always tried to be as forth coming and honest in my therapy sessions. And she has helped me a great deal with working through my triggers. I now realize, reluctantly, that if i'm going to get to my root issues I have to risk developing a romantic attachment and knock down the protective walls I put in place many years ago. This will help me grow and strip away some false notions I've adopted but I'm also fearful that I have some painful sessions ahead of me. Thank you all for being there and caring.

LongRoad
Attachment GirlAttachment GirlAdmin
HI Longroad,
Welcome to the forums. That is really awesome that you talked to your T, I know it can be really scary and it sounds like she reacted really well. I just wanted to encourage you, that I am someone who really struggled with moving closer in relationship and when I developed romantic feelings for my T, I just wanted to run. But sticking around and talking through them proved to be very healing and I am now capable of tolerating a lot more intimacy in my relationships than I have ever been capable of before. I think you're heading in the right direction. It probably will get painful and scary at points, but I think the healing is worth it in the end.

AG
L longroadMember
Hi MsC,AG, and SD,

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement. They mean a lot to me. When I first brought up the topic of playfulness my T paused for a moment and said that she recalled having mentioned , in general, but didn't recall saying to me that I should be more playful. My stomach churned, but she encouraged me to continue. There was a light hearted moment at the end of the session when she asked me how I felt about her reply. I looked up at her, paused, and said that she passed with flying colours! she broke into laughter and the tension was broken. I see her again next Wednesday.... I'm not sure what to expect but I hope I can relax and let my guard down around her. I don't know (yet) what it may uncover but I desperately yearn to feel better. Again, thank you all for being so supportive, it means a great deal to me, and with time I hope to be able to help you in some small way. Take care.

LongRoad

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