Dude,
I can really relate. My work in therapy for the last year has centered around allowing myself to be seen. My husband and I went for counseling and the main problem was a lack of closeness at the heart of the marriage. We had both gotten emotionally involved with people outside our marriage. The real problem was that when we moved closer, we both got really scared and picked a fight or did SOMETHING that would cause us to move away, thus making us "safer." In trying to work through this, I developed major transference for our T, I went to him and told him that I was attracted, which he handled beautifully. How I felt about him helped me to see that although I desire connection and to be seen, when I am, it terrifies me. This is some of the hardest work I've ever done. I've developed the deepest intimacy I've ever had with a man (my father was abusive) but there have been times when I can barely breath, and I've lost count of how many times I've wanted to quit. My amygdala is constantly SCREAMING that I'm in danger and I need to get out NOW. But each time I go back and nothing bad happens, or even better, a good connection happens, is teaching me that there really isn't danger in closeness (at least to the right person). But its taking a long time to convince my subconscience. There is nothing more powerful than having someone see you, and accept you for exactly who you are. But allowing myself to be seen has been a slow, difficult and ongoing process. So I commend both the "little" and you for wanting to be seen, it takes a lot of courage. And I think its worth all the work, fwiw. I really appreciate you posting. People who understand what this process is like are few and far between, its really good to have somewhere to talk about it.

Attachment Girl

AG- It sounds like you have had wonderful progress/process in your therapy

Dude- I think for a lot of systems.. being seen and unseen is a big deal for different people... I would assume it would depend on what sort of role that person needed to take on and degree of safety

For me, I think I want to be seen but Im too afraid to be really seen because maybe hurt/pain will come somehow.... However, I do believe in Congruency... inner outter..... I think it's rare to meet people who are really or who aim to be congruent and its lovely when you do... I try hard when I can and I believe it comes out but how does one override wired in fear or other processes ingrained in the brain with cognitive/behavioral actions? I think we can change the things we learned that were wrong or through hurt but its hard to unlearn deep pain and trauma for which your brain automaticaly responds to... anyways.. im rambling and now have lost my thought so ciao...