Hi tygr seems like you're in a lot of pain right now.

(((tygr))))

Oh Tygr - I'm sorry things are so difficult for you right now.

Thank you turtle and Jilann

Nothing's changed in a way. I'm the person I always have been and I'll pick myself up and carry on. Things haven't at all turned out as planned or expected but that's not to say that they won't work out. Thank goodness I have the counsellor and I like her a lot and feel comfortable with her and I've only met her 6 times. So I know it is possible to have a therapeutic relationship with someone new. Today we were talking about my relationship history and how I might feel more confident about finding a partner. If she could solve that in four more sessions, she's a genius!

Not expecting a reply from exT but I'm hoping my email hit home. I'm not really proud of sending her messages like this but I wasn't given any other opportunity to get any closure on my anger towards her.

Just have to start making future plans for work and life again and put this whole sorry few months behind me now.

P says he doesn't intend to see me again but if I become manic and want to try medication then I can call and make an appointment.

He didn't give me the CMHT number or any information on groups or anything. Literally left to deal with it on my own.

I don't know what to do. I'm feeling totally crap about it. It's been blatantly obvious for years that I'm bipolar but I manage it - semi-successfully - and I wanted to avoid a stigmatising label. Not all of my issues are related to mood. It tends to be emotional/ attachment/ trauma stuff that can set off a mood episode but all the other stuff I still think could be helped by therapy. It might be the case that, like exT, a lot of Ts won't touch me now with this diagnosis.

I want to scream. It's fu**ing crap. I hate this system. I'm fuming with exT. It's not her fault but I'm blaming her for leaving me in this position. I ONLY went ahead with diagnosis because I was led to believe I would get help if I had it. Turns out that's rubbish.

What is the point? What is the point?

Tygr...just want to say I'm sorry you're having to go thru this. Sending you huge supportive hugs.

The Kid

TYGR, I'm so sorry you are having such a crap time. I too struggled with access to services. My issues were not serious enough (ie. I was functioning and not a danger to myself or others). Over the years I reckon I've spent more on therapy than cars.

NHS services have been cut within an inch of their lives. Where I live, there is now only 1 full time and 1 part time (2.5 days a week) clinical psychs for a whole borough. It's not good enough and affects the most vulnerable in society. I'm very angry with the current government for some of their changes. It wasn't good enough under the previous government either but it wasn't as bad as this.

Even though it's short term, I'm glad you've managed to form a good relationship with the NHS T. I know it's a small consolation given what you've been though - but like you said it does mean that it could be possible in the future.



Edited to add: I don't think a bipolar diagnosis will worry most Ts too much. It's a pretty mainstream diagnosis these days affecting so many people. I think the stigma attached to it is far less than even 5 years ago.

No. Have never had a CPN. These 10 sessions this year are the first time I've had anything other than going to see the GP. I've paid for nearly 5 years of therapy myself.

It's just that friends of mine online have been denied talking therapies because of their diagnosis of bipolar. I read the NICE guidelines this morning and it's all drugs, drugs, drugs. A small section on psychosocial education and self- help but a tiny fraction.

Tbh, it's the emotional stressors and triggers I need help with. Once I'm in an episode, it's too late and I can ride out the storm until I'm back to earth again. The depression, which I'm in now, is slightly more troublesome because I think I should be able to do something to make myself feel better and I'm not sure how true that really is. I don't believe in the whole chemical imbalance theory. My life is crap at the moment: debt, unemployment, single, lonely, uncertainty about the future, where I'll live, what I'll do. I'm dissatisfied with life. Of course I'm depressed.

I just wish I had some kind of professional support network around me. Still can't believe exT abandoned me to all this. She should be the constancy through all these changes. Can't believe that's gone.

(((tygr))))

sending support and hope that things start easing up.. thinking of you

Hello all. I feel a bit shamefaced now.

The psychiatrist unexpectedly rang my mobile yesterday morning. I actually declined the call as it was a withheld number and I thought it was a cold call. His message said he was ringing to see how I was after Wednesday.

When I spoke to him he said that I'd come up at their weekly Thursday meeting and the counsellor's colleague had passed on that I didn't appear to have an ongoing care plan and that I'd been upset at my counselling appointment about being left without support.

He apologised (take note exT!) and said that he'd allowed himself to get distracted and shouldn't have let me leave not knowing what was happening. He's basically said that until I finish my four remaining counselling sessions, that it's not possible to refer me to anyone else but that if the counsellor feels I need and would benefit from extra support, then she can recommend that and based on need, I might get allocated to someone. He said that he doesn't want me to worry about falling in between the cracks in the system and that he knows it's not very joined up but they will make sure I'm ok.

He asked if I would give him permission to speak to the counsellor and make her aware of the options for referring me on and to see what she thinks. I said yes. Unfortunately she's on a course next week but credit to him, he left a voicemail for her and then called me straight back to tell me that he couldn't actually speak to her but would do so on her first day back.

He was so nice and I'm incredibly impressed that he rang me to reassure me. He's going to write to my GP now and I've made a GP appointment to ask for the clinical psychology referral so they should have the letter by the time I see them. I don't expect the referral to get me any treatment but I'd appreciate the assessment and to see what type of therapy they'd recommend for me. Then I can think about paying for it privately.

I'm feeling calmer. Nothing much has changed really. I've known for so long that I have bipolar disorder so it's not a shock in the slightest to have it confirmed. I just don't want to suffer any more stigma than I have already and I still want access to talking treatments.

I really like the counsellor. I wish I could continue to see her indefinitely. I doubt that that will be possible but there's a slight possibility I can have a few more sessions or go back on the waiting list to see her again.

I'm really keen to try to sort my life out now. I need some structure and stability (and money!) so I can start to feel like I'm back on track again.

Thanks to you all for supporting me. I'm thinking of you too Cat. I hope everything is going ok?

Tygr

That sounds like really good news. It is so nice to hear about a doc stepping up and calling you to reassure you. Hopefully this will lead to some real support while you sort out your life.

Jillann