Many of my childhood fantasies were forgotten until therapy removed the fear of them. It was too threatening to remember all of them, so brain took care of that too by repressing them.

T has often warned me those fantasies might emerge unannounced by planting a seed of permission to 'see' them. Many years ago he had told me he couldn’t wait for me to have sexual fantasies about him. Hello, I thought, we have a sexual deviant here, and one with tickets on himself. Not bloody likely says I.

I had a by the way moment in session yesterday when I told him while I was mopping the floor the other day, I fantasised having wild an abandoning sex with him in the chair he was sitting in. There was no reaction from him, except one eye brow lifted less than half a centimetre and he asked, "And where was mum in the fantasy?" I told him she was at the door yelling, "C'mon Muff, we have to go. Hurry up." I told her to go wait in the car and carried on with sexem regardless. Once I imagined the car door slamming, the hand break miraculously failed, and Ma and car toppled into the gorge.

No way would I have remembered a fantasy of being that close to my father, unless a lot of fear of mum had been removed. I must have had some sexual attraction towards father in my teens, but brain found it too threatening to remember. And since Ma and Da were not connecting in any good way my attraction would have been ignored anyway.

We must have some kind of positive regard towards our opposite sex parents to accept our own sexuality, so later on in our adult life we can chose who we want to have sex with. That sexual instinct is what allows us to populate the world.



"The most important thing a father can do for his children is to love their mother.” — Rev. Theodore Hesburgh




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