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5 replies

Blooming boundaries

S sheychenSadly
What sort of boundaries does your T have?
This is going slightly over the top:
The new T, Steady T just emailed:
"I only use email for appointments not process. Perhaps we could work out a way for you to be able to communicate what is happening safely in the session on Thursday."
So she does not allow phone calls, does not use email except to make appointments, probably does not allow breathing either - my god, does it make me miss NewFinder who, okay we all know her boundaries were almost non existent, but it was so HELPFUL that she kept up with my inner process through me emailing her.
Though during September her reading this blog only made things much worse. So it had its down side.


But I am NOT going to be able to talk about some things easily. Sigh. I seem to have gone from one extreme to another in therapists. I know I said I wanted firm boundaries but this is feeling too tight.
Or I am going to have to find a way. With FirstFinder we did not use email and we worked very well but we did have long sessions.
I still like SteadyT.
I sent a message to P yesterday saying I was seeing SteadyT for four trial sessions.
And have found myself a new Father Figure whom I email. So I have several ways to deal with things right now. And I go swimming three times a week.

When I am not in grieving mode, I am actually feel relief to be out of the confusion of NewFinder and to have found a therapist who has the skills, training and experience to guide me through this. But god these boundaries ...
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L lieseMember
HI Sheychen,

My T has never offered me his email address. Appointments are made through his secretary. He has told me I can call him if I'm in pain in between sessions. But I've only done that 3 times in 3 years. Much more comfortable in person. If your new "father figure" is willing to email you, maybe that'll get you the support you need in between sessions with T?

I do like that she acknowledged that together the two of you can find a way for you to communicate safely what is happening during the week. I like that a lot. Being able to communicate in person rather than email is so much better for the relationship, if and when you feel comfortable enough to tell her. And, maybe you are not ready yet. You haven't seen her much yet. And you're still not sure whether both of you will commit beyond the 4 weeks.
P preppiegirlMember
Sheychen,
My T has very firm boundries. No e-mail, text, voicemail. If I need to talk to her I call her office and speak to the receptionist. She only works 3 days per week. I can call her if it was an emergency. For instance I'm going to shoot myself. (BTW, I never would). I have only called her 2 times in 2 1/2 years.
Her boundries drive me crazy but having read some peoples stories about their T's boundries I'm kind of glad she has them. I hope this helps.

PG
S sheychenSadly
Just posted this on my other thread about having dream about my new t - thought I would paste it here as it follows this thread too:
I feel that all my demons are coming up to bite me at the same time, but also it is fruitful but I would not like anyone else to go through this, it is hell.
I am aiming for a brought forward session tomorrow and tell her - just blurt this never said stuff out as it is hurting like hell right now, but knowing my luck she will say 'busy see you Thursday" I don't want to tell the P this stuff and I can't see myself keeping quiet on it for a whole hour, I am not able to hide things just now. Sigh.

I have just got a message from her, she will see me 2pm tomorrow and we shall see if I need Thursday as well - seeing how tomorrow goes.
How kind.
frogfrogMember
S- hope you`ll manage to bring up this dream with T-. Sorry your in a bad place..maybe telling the dream itself will ease the pain a bit? sharing stuff, happens to have a great revieling effect. And this dream seems to be important. Gonna answer your first question here, about boundaries... (oh- and i can imagine how diffiult it is to adjust to these new sets of firm boundaries..i think your wise to see the importance of them though and hopfully you`ll benefit from having these firm boundaries.

I actually myself dont have a very clear impression, of T`s boundaries. He has never offored me he`s amail-adress. So, no emails. We do texts, but as a "norm" we dont communicate with texts.The norm is to do it all in sessions. He will only reply to texts regard to appointments. Sometimes though, i write texts if its something urgent, and usually he will reply to them as well, but i cant "expect" it. I have only spoken to him twize on phone. Both times it was urgent. I`v seen him for 2 years, and undoubtly the communication between sessions, via texts and letters, has increased! Thats make me wonder sometimes- if the boundaries are getting a bit stretched, you know? I have still not "tested" these boundaries, or corssed them- sometimes i wonder if i will...just to get a clear impression of where the boundarie-line goes, in a way.. To be surtent where T`s are set. Yeah, more than once i ben temptet to test this out.

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