Doyou believe that memories are often stored in our bodies? How can we relieve these and overcome the pain of these? - the dude
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Hey Dude:
Yes, I believe that painful memories can be deeply embedded within our bodies ....(It is my experience, anyway).....
Debra
Yes, I believe that painful memories can be deeply embedded within our bodies ....(It is my experience, anyway).....
Debra
How can we relieve these?
the dude
the dude
The Dude:
Well, I am certainly no expert.....however, I became aware through many years of therapy that I had actually been "hanging onto" these painful memories....not the other way around as I had thought (those memories were "hanging onto me")....It was unconsciously done....(that reptilian brain!).....I guess my answer to your question is really to seek out a therapist.....one that you can bond and connect with.......and help relieve you from these memories that are causing you so much pain.....I am hopeful that your physician gave you a prescription for some analgesic (pain killer) ....to at least relieve you from your physical pain....Is this helpful at all??
Take good care
Debra
Well, I am certainly no expert.....however, I became aware through many years of therapy that I had actually been "hanging onto" these painful memories....not the other way around as I had thought (those memories were "hanging onto me")....It was unconsciously done....(that reptilian brain!).....I guess my answer to your question is really to seek out a therapist.....one that you can bond and connect with.......and help relieve you from these memories that are causing you so much pain.....I am hopeful that your physician gave you a prescription for some analgesic (pain killer) ....to at least relieve you from your physical pain....Is this helpful at all??
Take good care
Debra
I've got a good therapist (perhaps we have the same one??) And yes, I'm on massive pain killer.
Dude
Dude
Hey Dude:
So glad to hear that you have a good therapist....so do I and she works in Coquitlam....
Deb
So glad to hear that you have a good therapist....so do I and she works in Coquitlam....
Deb
yes well... you also gave her initials elsewhere! (CG right?) 
Dude
Dude
Well, well.....so we have the same therapist??
Deb
Deb
So it would seem!
Dude
Dude
Dude:
I'd say that we are both very lucky people!!
Deb
I'd say that we are both very lucky people!!
Deb
Well, uhm that's quite interesting. I don't think this happens very often. I hope that's okay for you both.
Shrinklady...on the Run.
Shrinklady...on the Run.
Dude:
It is certainly okay with me...
Deb
It is certainly okay with me...
Deb
It's fine by me... I suppose it'd be different if one of us HATED her.. that could cause some troubles...
dude
dude
Hi Deb and Dude, that's good to hear. It's kinda cool in some ways too. I only asked cause I know...from personal experience...sometimes we can go through periods when we don't like our therapist very much.
Thanks to both of you for sharing,
Shrinklady
Thanks to both of you for sharing,
Shrinklady
I find myself in a place of wonder?? Why would an individual continue to see a therapist that they didn't like very much or HATE?
From inquisitive headquarters...
Deb
From inquisitive headquarters...
Deb
LOL... wellllll.. i DID tell her last week that i hated her! sometimes therapy isn't easy...
dude
dude
Hey Dude:
I believe there is a fine line between "hate" and "love"......they become interwoven at times.....
D
I believe there is a fine line between "hate" and "love"......they become interwoven at times.....
D
ain't that the truth!
dude
dude
I've been in & out of therapy for about 8 years now, I'm kind of an incurable case. I do know what you mean by holding onto painful memories..
My experience of late has been realizing that I need to "let go", not just of the memories, but of the emotional pain and damage that I feel as a result of them. I need to cry, kick, scream, push... and have someone be a solid rock for that.
Unfortunately you can't hit your therapist, but you could hit an inanimate object... eh, unfortunately that doesn't work for me. I guess something I've also realized is that some people are incapable of understanding those of us with problems. A guy I know thinks life is all about what you make it, you can "overcome" anything, you can change your life, you can just simply "be happy" if you want to. I say that's a load of crap, but those who haven't traveled such dark waters can't possibly understand the tides.
It's a shame, isn't it?
My experience of late has been realizing that I need to "let go", not just of the memories, but of the emotional pain and damage that I feel as a result of them. I need to cry, kick, scream, push... and have someone be a solid rock for that.
Unfortunately you can't hit your therapist, but you could hit an inanimate object... eh, unfortunately that doesn't work for me. I guess something I've also realized is that some people are incapable of understanding those of us with problems. A guy I know thinks life is all about what you make it, you can "overcome" anything, you can change your life, you can just simply "be happy" if you want to. I say that's a load of crap, but those who haven't traveled such dark waters can't possibly understand the tides.
It's a shame, isn't it?
Ariellia:
Yes, it sure is......some of us have a more difficult journey than others.....
D
Yes, it sure is......some of us have a more difficult journey than others.....
D
Absolutely, Deb. Not a good idea to see someone you don't like. How could you have any attunement?
But you know there are some people who go to therapists and they might say..."well, he's a little weird but I go anyway." Stuff like that really puzzles me.
What I was referring to was that sometimes going to therapy gets a little difficult and we tend to project onto our therapist.
Like I've gone through periods where I don't really want to go...but I do and I start getting fussy about the way my therapist does this or that.
As a therapist I've been on the end of a few angry phone calls after I've just had a nice close session with a client. I think it just gets too scary. Understandable of course.
I think we act a little like turtles when we're in therapy. Go a little closer and then pull back.
Shrinklady
But you know there are some people who go to therapists and they might say..."well, he's a little weird but I go anyway." Stuff like that really puzzles me.
What I was referring to was that sometimes going to therapy gets a little difficult and we tend to project onto our therapist.
Like I've gone through periods where I don't really want to go...but I do and I start getting fussy about the way my therapist does this or that.
As a therapist I've been on the end of a few angry phone calls after I've just had a nice close session with a client. I think it just gets too scary. Understandable of course.
I think we act a little like turtles when we're in therapy. Go a little closer and then pull back.
Shrinklady
Yes, I can relate to the "turtle" phenomenon.....sometimes I think I just plain get scared and then need to pull back for just a little while.....hmmmm (big sigh!!).....
Deb
Deb
ps.....I meant to mention that I have also felt my therapist pull back at times.....This moves me to a place of abandonment....which is another one of my issues.....(along with a previously mentioned issue of trusting others)...So, I wonder......am I projecting my feeling of abandonment upon my therapist and therefore, it becomes realized or actualized??
An inquiring Deb
Deb
An inquiring Deb
Deb
Wow, that's interesting. I never thought of that. But of course, a therapist is human so eventually there might be times when fatigue or their own issues get in the way. A therapist cannot be 100% completely there all the time.
But you know...just as I'm writing this, neither is a mother. In fact, in the research, it's these moments of misattunements and abandonments) that open up the possibility for Mom and infant to connect better.
Healing comes from the bond being repaired.
But back to your question. We're extremely sensitive to how our T responds...just thinking of my own therapy...I watch her. I hang on afterwards to the look she gave me when I mentioned something. I project onto that look of disapproval (or was it concern) and make it into much bigger proportions. That's my stuff. If I wasn't sensitive to disapproval, I wouldn't care or even notice.
Does that make sense?
Shrinklady
But you know...just as I'm writing this, neither is a mother. In fact, in the research, it's these moments of misattunements and abandonments) that open up the possibility for Mom and infant to connect better.
Healing comes from the bond being repaired.
But back to your question. We're extremely sensitive to how our T responds...just thinking of my own therapy...I watch her. I hang on afterwards to the look she gave me when I mentioned something. I project onto that look of disapproval (or was it concern) and make it into much bigger proportions. That's my stuff. If I wasn't sensitive to disapproval, I wouldn't care or even notice.
Does that make sense?
Shrinklady
Yes, what you wrote does make sense....thank you for answering/responding to my question....Your comment on mother and infant/child.....My mom was (she passed away 2 1/2 years ago....in my arms) a very kind and gentle soul yet quite emotionless/distant and silent. It was only in bearing witness to her transcendence (that precise moment in time) that I realized we had finally bonded and connected.....not when she was alive.....only upon her death......This left me feeling alone and abandoned yet again.....(big sigh!!)
I will put the violin away now....
Deb
I will put the violin away now....
Deb
I think, yes, we are very attuned to what our T does... a look, a raised eyebrow, a sigh... all we project meaning into, perhaps more meaning than there really is. However, if it is a concern, you can always ask her! I've done that at times.
dude
dude
Hi Deb, that's powerful...in your arms...I can imagine that must be a special moment etched in your memory.
Not sure how you feel about pets but my dog died in my arms a few years back. I was very close to her. She was with me as I was growing up emotionally but she died just as I was "waking up". I can only imagine what it must have been like for you.
Silence is a killer particularly when the connection feels so weak and we have little to sustain us.
Do you feel a connection to her spiritually?
Shrinklady
Not sure how you feel about pets but my dog died in my arms a few years back. I was very close to her. She was with me as I was growing up emotionally but she died just as I was "waking up". I can only imagine what it must have been like for you.
Silence is a killer particularly when the connection feels so weak and we have little to sustain us.
Do you feel a connection to her spiritually?
Shrinklady
I once had a T (back in Toronto) who I thought was rather over powering, and talkative. However, once I was in therapy with her, I thought I had to continue with her. I didn't have the 'backbone' to NOT. Perhaps that's a reason people stay with a therapist they dislike - they don't have the backbone NOT to (due to their own issues etc.)... just a thought.
dude
dude
I had a hard time with my mother for a long time because I felt she didn't protect me as a young child. However, after her brain aneurism a few years back things changed between us. Now I feel like she did the best she could, and since her memory isn't so great, we don't discuss the past so much.
dude (after only one cup of coffee so perhaps making little sense!)
dude (after only one cup of coffee so perhaps making little sense!)
Dude:
What you have written makes sense to me.....Also, I am glad to hear that you and your mother have found your way together.....
Shrinklady:
I am so sorry you had to experience the loss of a pet...and just when you were "waking up".....It sure is difficult to lose someone you love.......I miss my mom every single day....in fact, over time I feel that I miss her more.....Spiritual connection with my mom?? Not yet.....(Woo woo!)...I have only felt a connection with my mom at that final moment......her passing......However, I am keeping myself open to the possibility.......and.......I do have a "unique to us" connection with CG....so I am grateful for that....
Deb
What you have written makes sense to me.....Also, I am glad to hear that you and your mother have found your way together.....
Shrinklady:
I am so sorry you had to experience the loss of a pet...and just when you were "waking up".....It sure is difficult to lose someone you love.......I miss my mom every single day....in fact, over time I feel that I miss her more.....Spiritual connection with my mom?? Not yet.....(Woo woo!)...I have only felt a connection with my mom at that final moment......her passing......However, I am keeping myself open to the possibility.......and.......I do have a "unique to us" connection with CG....so I am grateful for that....
Deb
ps....and as silly as this may sound, I am feeling some connectedness with you.....so thank you....
Deb
Deb
hello again..
I did not post much yesterday due to the pain I was in from my surgery...
Today I have read the posts on this forum and saw a few things I wanted to reply to...
Deb I'm wondering if you may have a bit of borderline personality? I do know that fear of abandonment (real or imagined) is a big factor in it.. I myself have this fear...
As a child I was abused by many people, I came to hate my mother for not protecting me and I came to hate.. other people, those who perpetrated the acts...
As I grew older I became bitter and hurtful, pushing people away in every way possible. My father, though physically abusive in my childhood, moved away when I was 11.. perhaps my first sense of abandonment. After that, when I began to push people away of my own accord, I felt that I lost everyone. To this day I have repeated a vicious cycle of being unable to trust people.. I love them for a time and then I run away because I cannot handle the emotion or the distrust, the fear, the loss, the anger and resentment that I feel....
I have bounced from place to place all of my life... I've lived probably 20 different places or more. As a youth and young adult, leaving places wasn't my decision - my mother kicked me out, then my father did, then my brother did, then I lost my apartment due to unable to pay the bills, etc... then following that I tended to hurt people emotionally to the point where I was forced to leave them as well.
My life is a series of instabilities. I am a mother of two, a 3 1/2 year old and a 17 month old. My oldest lives with my mother, she took him from me... long story.
I'm rambling and I'm telling too much at one time, but I felt the need to collaborate since we are all talking about things such as this.
Shrinklady & Deb.. cannot imagine losing someone so close in such a way (a pet, a parent)... I feel for you both!!!!
I did not post much yesterday due to the pain I was in from my surgery...
Today I have read the posts on this forum and saw a few things I wanted to reply to...
Deb I'm wondering if you may have a bit of borderline personality? I do know that fear of abandonment (real or imagined) is a big factor in it.. I myself have this fear...
As a child I was abused by many people, I came to hate my mother for not protecting me and I came to hate.. other people, those who perpetrated the acts...
As I grew older I became bitter and hurtful, pushing people away in every way possible. My father, though physically abusive in my childhood, moved away when I was 11.. perhaps my first sense of abandonment. After that, when I began to push people away of my own accord, I felt that I lost everyone. To this day I have repeated a vicious cycle of being unable to trust people.. I love them for a time and then I run away because I cannot handle the emotion or the distrust, the fear, the loss, the anger and resentment that I feel....
I have bounced from place to place all of my life... I've lived probably 20 different places or more. As a youth and young adult, leaving places wasn't my decision - my mother kicked me out, then my father did, then my brother did, then I lost my apartment due to unable to pay the bills, etc... then following that I tended to hurt people emotionally to the point where I was forced to leave them as well.
My life is a series of instabilities. I am a mother of two, a 3 1/2 year old and a 17 month old. My oldest lives with my mother, she took him from me... long story.
I'm rambling and I'm telling too much at one time, but I felt the need to collaborate since we are all talking about things such as this.
Shrinklady & Deb.. cannot imagine losing someone so close in such a way (a pet, a parent)... I feel for you both!!!!
Thanks Deb, nice to hear.
Suzanne
Suzanne
Ariellia:
Wow.....quite a journey thus far for you......No health care professional has "labelled" me with borderline personality disorder....and I prefer to see individuals as unique intricate beings trying to do their best to navigate through life.....as opposed to a list of diagnoses.....I grew up in a middle class family, the eldest of three children....My father (an alcholic until 1979 when he quit drinking) provided all the materials things that life could offer; however, he failed to provide the one thing that I really ever needed or wanted....just to be loved and accepted as me....(he was too busy being a lunatic).....My mom (God rest her soul) was a very kind, gentle but silent lady. Somehow, I never managed to bond and connect with either parent.....As a result, I have difficulties (because of my sensitive nature) bonding and connecting with others......A great part of my therapy focuses on learning to trust....I read once "no amount of therapy can heal a heart that cannot trust, to learn to trust is often the heart of the therapy".....And so, I am open to the possibility of healing my broken heart.....
I send more healing thoughts your way....
Deb
Wow.....quite a journey thus far for you......No health care professional has "labelled" me with borderline personality disorder....and I prefer to see individuals as unique intricate beings trying to do their best to navigate through life.....as opposed to a list of diagnoses.....I grew up in a middle class family, the eldest of three children....My father (an alcholic until 1979 when he quit drinking) provided all the materials things that life could offer; however, he failed to provide the one thing that I really ever needed or wanted....just to be loved and accepted as me....(he was too busy being a lunatic).....My mom (God rest her soul) was a very kind, gentle but silent lady. Somehow, I never managed to bond and connect with either parent.....As a result, I have difficulties (because of my sensitive nature) bonding and connecting with others......A great part of my therapy focuses on learning to trust....I read once "no amount of therapy can heal a heart that cannot trust, to learn to trust is often the heart of the therapy".....And so, I am open to the possibility of healing my broken heart.....
I send more healing thoughts your way....
Deb