**Possible trigger warning**

I'm not sure if it's okay to post this here or if it should be under Sensitive Issues, so please bear with me.

I had the most retched session with T yesterday, the first time I've ever experienced anything like it. At the end, when I was slowly coming out of my trance or whatever it was I was in, I asked her what just happened. T's response was I seem to have experienced a major "fight, flight or freeze" reaction to one of her questions as well as one or more body memories.

While I've experienced some tightness in my chest, strong sensations in my arms like I'm being held down and tingling feelings in my butt, I've never felt the way I did yesterday. I don't know how to explain it but I felt it throughout my entire body. And, I literally couldn't move, couldn't open my eyes for fear of what I'd see. It didn't matter that she was telling me I was safe with her in her office, that I wasn't a helpless li'l one anymore or that whatever it was I was afraid of is in the past. I sat utterly and totally frozen in fear. I've never really had a problem maintaining eye contact with her but there was a period of time yesterday that I could not force my eyes open to look anywhere in her office, let alone at her. It was sheer will power that forced me to open my eyes and stare down at the pillow I'd propped up beside me. We ended up going 15 minutes past the allotted hour and even then she was very leery of sending me on my way but she had to leave due to a previous commitment. I get that and am totally fine with it. I remember walking out of the building and standing in front looking up and down the street. That was all I could do. She offered her waiting room to allow myself time to collect my thoughts and make sure I was okay to drive but I just had to get out of there. But, I felt utterly lost and spaced out.

I managed to get myself home without wrapping my car around any trees or causing an accident on the Queensway. Once I got home, tho, it was back under the safety of my bed covers.

While I've experienced many a panic attack, body memories seem to be something entirely different but just as intense and paralyzing. If anyone out there is willing to share their understanding/experience(s) and how they've dealt with them, I would sure appreciate hearing about it.

The Kid