Sorry...had to delete.
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hi kmay. I am glad you posted! Boundary issues are one of the hard gray areas in therapy, I think. For most of the things you mention, I could think of a forum member who has a good therapeutic relationship where those things happen. Many of us have T's who give hugs, for example. But when you lay everything out like that together, it does sound like your T may have a pattern of being overly involved. It's hard because of course all of those things feel good, but then you have to consider if there is still enough professionalism there for the therapy to be effective, or whether your T might actually have some emotional investment in keeping you from recovering to a point where you don't need her any more. From what you have said, it sounds like you're not sure how much improvement you have seen in 14 years. To me, that would definitely mean it should be time to re-assess and decide how to best move forward. I think one of the best things you could do would be to consult with a few other T's and get their opinions on your situation and what they might be able to do to help you better. You might find one you are comfortable working with who would be able to help you figure out your current situation, and to support you in making a transition if that is what you wind up choosing to do.I'm sure you'll get lots of good advice here, and I hope you stick around!
One more thing: if your T objects to you talking about your therapy to another T, that is a pretty good sign that she is aware on some level that what she is doing is not good therapy, so that would be even more reason to go ahead and get some outside consultation. You have every right to do that whether she likes the idea or not!
Welcome Kmay!
Well in my opinion (and it is not professional -and some will disagree) I would say you are very blessed to have experienced that sort of love, trust and sharing with your T. Yes, I would say that the relationship falls outside the bounds of what the experts consider a healthy patient/therapist relationship, but I on the other hand look at it as so much more (then again I have never been one to listen to rules and fit in with the norm). You have experienced the true value of the human spirit, and included in that experience you have been fortunate enough to speak to someone who is knowledgeable when it comes to the mind. Personally, I hold that value above therapy, because I think that the relationship you have with your T is in itself therapeutic - but that is just me. It sounds to me as though your T truly loves and cares for you, and personally I sometimes wonder if that is not of greater value than a therapist who just sees you as work.
The only questions I really have (or think you should ask yourself) is this....you went there for depression 14yrs ago, have you become wiser and more accepting toward yourself, your situation and others in that time? Do you still suffer from that same level of depression? Are there issues you would like to address, but do not feel comfortable addressing with your T, and if the answer is yes, would you feel comfortable addressing those same issues with another T and what would your expectations be of this new T? I somehow think you will be very disappointed with another T based on your exprience with your current T. Only you will know the answer to that though. Good luck with whatever you decide.
B2W
Well in my opinion (and it is not professional -and some will disagree) I would say you are very blessed to have experienced that sort of love, trust and sharing with your T. Yes, I would say that the relationship falls outside the bounds of what the experts consider a healthy patient/therapist relationship, but I on the other hand look at it as so much more (then again I have never been one to listen to rules and fit in with the norm). You have experienced the true value of the human spirit, and included in that experience you have been fortunate enough to speak to someone who is knowledgeable when it comes to the mind. Personally, I hold that value above therapy, because I think that the relationship you have with your T is in itself therapeutic - but that is just me. It sounds to me as though your T truly loves and cares for you, and personally I sometimes wonder if that is not of greater value than a therapist who just sees you as work.
The only questions I really have (or think you should ask yourself) is this....you went there for depression 14yrs ago, have you become wiser and more accepting toward yourself, your situation and others in that time? Do you still suffer from that same level of depression? Are there issues you would like to address, but do not feel comfortable addressing with your T, and if the answer is yes, would you feel comfortable addressing those same issues with another T and what would your expectations be of this new T? I somehow think you will be very disappointed with another T based on your exprience with your current T. Only you will know the answer to that though. Good luck with whatever you decide.
B2W
BLT and Born2write - thank you so much. @ Born2write - I feel the same way you do. At least I have all this time. I feel special and blessed and its obvious how much she cares for me. I guess I should mention too that I have not been seeing her consistently for 14 years straight. I moved away for about 5 years in which I didn't see her and I saw another therapist at that time but she didn't cut it (like you suggested would probably happen lol). Then when I moved back I saw my current T on and off for several years and have only most recently started seeing her consistently again. I deal with ACOH issues, depression, anxiety and all the good stuff that goes with it. I have recently fallen back into "self medicating". I just can't seem to ever get it together completely and stay on track. And I am so incredibly sick and tired of constantly fighting the depression and anxiety and self worthlessness feelings. I mean is that normal for people like us who deal with those issues? Or is it b/c I'm not being effective with my therapy? What do you think?
(((Kmay)))
Those issues you are refering to are life long in a sense. In my experience and from what I have read they are always there but we are able to deal with them more/less effectively at different times of our lives depending on outside stresses. In other words the feelings are always prone to triggers. Coping mechanisms, strategies and learning to accept (including forgiving) ourselves for who we are is probably all effective therapy can offer(once again this my opinion). There are many people who have therapists, that keep and enforce boundaries in a "healthy" professional way, and who are effective in providing all the things that therapy should provide, and yet still years later the patient continues to seek therapy from them. So to answer your question - no I don't think that "effective" therapy will wipe away your problems. I do think it will help you to manage them, and I do think that you are lucky to have the therapist you have.
Kmay, you may have "fallen back" as you put it, but you shouldn't feel guilty about that, you should feel proud that you are acknowledging it. Your T cares for you - be open with her.
B2W
Those issues you are refering to are life long in a sense. In my experience and from what I have read they are always there but we are able to deal with them more/less effectively at different times of our lives depending on outside stresses. In other words the feelings are always prone to triggers. Coping mechanisms, strategies and learning to accept (including forgiving) ourselves for who we are is probably all effective therapy can offer(once again this my opinion). There are many people who have therapists, that keep and enforce boundaries in a "healthy" professional way, and who are effective in providing all the things that therapy should provide, and yet still years later the patient continues to seek therapy from them. So to answer your question - no I don't think that "effective" therapy will wipe away your problems. I do think it will help you to manage them, and I do think that you are lucky to have the therapist you have.
Kmay, you may have "fallen back" as you put it, but you shouldn't feel guilty about that, you should feel proud that you are acknowledging it. Your T cares for you - be open with her.
B2W
Monte.....thank you so much-. What u said makes alot of sense- - I have been doing alot of thinking and trying to sort it all out and I think I might seek out another T and see what happens. I really appreciate your response :-)
Btw - thank you. That makes alot of sense. I'm not gonnalet this get the better of me. I have two wonderful children to care for and I'm gonna work hard on figuring this all out and stop hiding and stuffing. I don't want to end up just like my parents....that is my biggest fear. I never want my kids to feel even an ounce of what I went through.